Post # 1
Ok this is more for venting than seeking advice. My birthday is this weekend, and my Fiance is horrible at giving me gifts. So this year, I asked him to let me pick out my own gift. Bc I sit all day at work and it takes a toll on my back, I asked for couple’s massages and facials at a local spa. No costly party, no elaborate gifts, and I’m even willing to pay for it. I just want us to have some relaxing time together, and I told him this. He was fine with the idea. Now fast forward a couple of days before my bday he tells me he doesn’t want to do the spa plan. He rather take me out to go karoake and party. After coming home from a long day of work surrounded by people I just want quiet time than go to a loud karoake bar. When I told my Fiance this, he says he doesn’t want to do the spa and won’t budge which leads to an argument.
Mixed into this is the fact my Fiance is being incredibly lazy when it comes to the household chores. Some background, two weeks ago my Fiance left his job three states away to come live with me as we prepare for our wedding. He’s currently looking for a job in my city, but in the meantime bc I work such long hours, I asked him to help out around the house while I support us. However, every day has been a struggle so far with him getting things done. It’s a fight to get him to cook, do laundry, or anything. I’m not asking him to do all these things at once or all by himself as I still help out around the house, but is it really that hard to help out while I’m working 12 hour days? If anyone is wondering, we were living together for years before my job transferred me, and it has never been like this before.
I know he is adjusting to leaving his close knit family and moving to a brand new city but we all have to compromise. What makes it all worse is that tomorrow we meet with our Deacon to proceed with our marriage prep. I’m so stressed out between this, my job, and the wedding, I kind of want to postpone the wedding. Not good thoughts to have when we are finalizing everything and settling the wedding ceremony details tomorrow. This entire situation has made me so angry at my Fiance bc this is not how I want to be feeling so close to the wedding date and especially the day before our meeting.
Thank you for letting me vent ladies. Hopefully I can get Fiance to see reason tomorrow otherwise I’m spending my bday taking a bubble bath and going to bed early alone.
Post # 3
Awww, I’m sorry. : ( I was having kind of a crappy birthday too today.
I’m sure he’ll figure things out; like you said, he’s adjusting & he’s probably stressed in his own way. Maybe when you meet with the deacon you can have him do a little bit of pre-marriage counselling as well as working on the ceremony?
Definitely have your bubble bath & have a good long talk with him later, when you’re ready.
Post # 4
@Jenniphyr: I’m sorry you had a not so great bday. =( thank you for your kind words. Honestly, I could care less about the fact its my bday. His attitude is what is driving me insane! I’m trying to be supportive of his emotional situation, but I need some support too. I think he’s too wrapped up in himself right now to get that. I really hate to bring this to my Deacon tomorrow as this meeting is supposed to be a short one to settle some administrative things, and its on my lunch break. *siighhhh* Hopefully, you’re right, and he snaps out of it soon. I think I’ll be heading to sleep in the spare bedroom.
Post # 5
It could be that he’s anti the spa thing because he doesn’t like the idea of another man (or woman) touching him. I’ve known some guys who feel that way. Have you asked him whether it’s the “couples” part that’s bothering him? Because I’m all for you getting what you want for your birthday, but it’s a lot to ask of someone if it makes them uncomfortable.
I do agree with you about the karoke party–yuck! And on that note, sorry, but it’s your birthday, not his, so he may like the party, but maybe you can get him to budge on having a quiet dinner out together instead.
Post # 6
If I were you I would get a solo massage, either way- you deserve it. Sorry your man is being a bit selfish and insensitive. He will come around I hope.
Post # 7
If I were you I would go to the day spa without him. Enjoy yourself and relax.
Post # 8
My bf and I got into a huge fight around my birthday this year as well. I always pick out my own gift and while that used to bother me, I’ve accepted it. This year he didn’t manage to even make a reservation for dinner (until the day of) or even get me a card (he got one the day before, in front of me, which left him zero time to write it) I know that sounds insane but we’ve known each other for 12 years and before we started dating, he would always write me the most beautiful, thoughtful cards and now that we’re dating and practically married, he’s too lazy?! Unacceptable. I threw a fit which ended with him thinking I had lost my mind. I got the best card yet a few days late tho. I know you’re not looking for advice but tell him to get real. It’s your birthday, end of story. Perhaps ask him how he’d like for you to orchestrate what he does on his birthday?
Onto the housework. I relocated for my bf’s job — to Asia. I wasn’t working yet and he was working all the time and was obviously stressed because everything was so different. Despite this, I was sooo lazy about housework it was unreal. Now that I’m working, I cook and clean more than I did before! Something about not working makes you so lazy and unmotivated. It’s almost as though you have soo much time, you can’t motivate to do anything. Don’t be too upset about it. Not working is a lot harder than it seems!! At least for me. I found it very emotionally trying to not have something of my own.
Post # 9
@Olive12: my fiance is totally anti-massage—man or woman he doesn’t want a stranger touching him–I cannot convince him to go to a spa with me!
Maybe that’s what’s going on
Post # 10
@BothCoasts @MrsOliveBird: @sylvia.riggle: That’s the odd part. We have gotten tons of massages together. I donT know what’s going on.Hopefully when I get off work tonight we can talk and resolve this.
@Bride7844: Well if it comes down to it, based on how tonight’s talk turn out, I may go alone which defeats the purpose of why I wanted to go as a couple.
@nushka: you bring up really good points. I was awarethis may happen which is why I only ask him to do one chores a day. I’m glad your situation improved. I hope mine does the same.