- 5 years ago
tl;dr : My SO apparently announced that we have decided to get married. We have not, but I would love to be asked. I want to know what page he’s on, but he get’s super nervous and unnecessarily apologetic. How can I learn what page he’s on if he gets so nervous about this?
He’s 28, I’m 27.
We’ve been together for 6 years, living together for 2.
We’ve attended half a dozen weddings in the last year.
My SO’s little brother got married in January.
His mom (we’ll call her Jane) threw a party last weekend in celebration of SO and I getting our PhDs this summer. At the party, I was talking to SO’s sister in law (she’s 25), and she told me “I’m glad that you two have decided to get married. Jane says won’t interfere in your wedding planning as much as she interfered in mine.”
I was confused. We haven’t been planning a wedding, we haven’t “decided” to get married. We have talked about it a bit, but we are not engaged, I knew nothing of any announcement. I said, “We decided to get married? That’s news to me.”
She said, “Jane said your SO announced it at a dinner.”
I was speechless. Cue excited nearby future-in-laws who now think I’m engaged (“finally!” they exclaim).
I asked him that night what was going on and he said he may have used the words “we decided to get married” but he only meant to tell his mom that we talked about getting married and that I wasn’t against it (see previous post on this topic). He left it at that.
Fast forward to last night. We’ve just moved across the country and I’ve just gotten off of the phone with my parents, who are getting a divorce. Apropos that, we start talking about the meaning of marriage and he’s all hypothetical about it. I ask a number of questions about his opinions and he’s noncommittal, vague.
I am annoyed at his vagueness and it all spills out “What page are you on? I have never heard of the page that you’re on. There is no page like this page. Announcing your upcoming marriage to your family does not come before asking me to marry you.”
He spends the rest of the night apologizing for misspeaking to his mom. It’s sweet, but I wasn’t angry and I don’t want apologies. I want him to ask me to marry him before making these announcements. We can talk about anything, but as soon as marriage things come up he clams up and freaks out.
UGH. How do I approach this without him becoming over-sensitive and silent?