SO announces we've decided to get married. We have not.

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@veilofanonymity:  Wow! What?!  This is a different problem than I’ve seen previously on WB! LOL

 

Your non-FI needs to man-up and TALK. TO. YOU!  Do people really just “decide to get married” instead of getting engaged?  Ask your non-FI what he thinks the difference is there?  You guys hadn’t had any type of conversation that he could have drawn that from?  SO ODD!

Post # 4
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Men are strange.  Congratulations on the phds btw.

I would have asked SO who he’s made the decision with to get married, since it wasn’t me.

I’m not sure what to tell you this situation is really awkward.

Post # 5
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow, that’s a strange one. I really don’t know what else there is to do other than continue trying to talk to your kinda-but-not-really-FI. Maybe he just said that to his family in the heat of the moment? You said you’ve been talking about it lately, so it’s obviously on his mind, and he probably just got a little carried away. We all slip up from time to time.

 

Post # 6
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I guess you just have to sit down and ask him the questions. Ask him how serious he is about getting married, and see if it is where you are. If you are both serious about getting married, i would ask him what his concerns are… since this may be due to that. You both have to talk about how you are feeling regarding what is the next step.

Also, maybe his mother exaggerated what he told her. Maybe he told her that you were talking about getting married (without a timeline) and she, being from a different generation, took this as an engagement announcement. 

ETA: super congratulations on the PhD!

Post # 7
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@veilofanonymity:  Part of your post made me laugh… The “No one has ever seen the page you are on!” Made me think of the error message “Error 404: Page not Found”

Well, it’s good that he’s decided you’re going to get married… Now maybe he’ll ask you if you’re interested!

PS- This is going to be a HILARIOUS story to tell your future kids!

Post # 8
Member
724 posts
Busy bee

@veilofanonymity:  “Announcing your upcoming marriage to your family does not come before asking me to marry you.”

I mean, that says it all. It’s not unheard of that a guy misspeaks like that, but it seems so strange that he wouldn’t soon realize that his audience understood something other than what he meant to say. On the bright side, it’s on his mind, but if he’s not able to talk to you about it… he must be very nervous about a proposal or overwhelmed with the prospect…? I don’t know. Such an odd turn of events.

Post # 9
Member
28 posts
Newbee

@veilofanonymity:  Is it possible that what he said to his mother was “I’m going to ask *your name* to marry me.” Or “How do you feel about having a daughter in law?”

I’m going to hope for you that his mother just slipped up and revealed that he had proposal plans.

Post # 10
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

Well this is unusual news on the WB!  I think he must have been thinking about it and let slip but he could at least be less shy with you.  Keep us posted!

Post # 11
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Perhaps it would be better to “speak” through letter than verbally on this topic, seeing as he has trouble with words at the moment! 

Have both of you write down where you see the future and when and what your wants are, then swap letters. Give him time to digest your letter before speaking, or have him write down his response if speaking isn’t working for him.

Post # 12
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

I really think that men just don’t get it.  Most of us want the ring, the romance…don’t cheat us out of it and just announce it! 

 

Post # 14
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@AtLeastIHaveHim:  

I am hoping this is the case…. this wouldn’t be the first spoiled engagement – my sister was called up by an aunt to tell her how excited she was and what a beautiful moving engagement plan my now BIL came up with — problem is that he wasn’t planning on doing it for a few weeks but it had “travelled through the grapevine”

Post # 15
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@veilofanonymity:  Please keep us updated on how it goes, I think everything will work out splendidly once he can start to communicate properly. 

Also, just a thought, it’s possible that he is clamming up because of the unrealistic expectation that engagements just “happen” and if you talk about them then it’s not “real” and if it’s not 100% a surprise then as a man, you’ve done something wrong. That bizarre social pressure could really be playing on him. It might help to reassure him that that isn’t how real life works, just like the different between IRL sex and porn sex where no one ever talks or farts or laughs or injurers themselves. 

 

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