So annoyed – FI forced to spend cash we could have really used

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

KiwiDerbyBride:  It depends on where you live. In many ares of the USA and Canada it is common for the couple to pick the outfits and the BM’s and groomsmen buy their own clothes or pay for their own rentals.

It is of course, thoughtful for the couple to consider the budget of their wedding party when making their choices.

Your FI always had the option of speaking up and telling the groom he can’t afford to spend that much.

 

Post # 3
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

I’m sorry this happened to you, and that you and your FI didn’t discuss the finances beforehand. That sucks. Life is expensive, and shelling out several hundred dollars for one-time-use wedding party clothes is pretty awful. I wish more brides would remember how uncomfortable it can be on the flip side like that. Good luck with your wedding and trip!

Post # 4
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

KiwiDerbyBride:  Where I am from it is common for the bridal party to pay for their attire. However, it is polite to not ask them to pay too much. I know some people do, but I would not be one of them. Unless, I knew that everyone I asked could afford it.

I got so mad one time watching an episode of Bridezillas when the bride really was being one and got all mad at one of her cousin’s (who couldn’t afford it) because she told her she was not going to get her hair and nails done.

Post # 6
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Here it is common here for groomsmen to pay. If he couldn’t afford the cost he should have discussed it with the groom beforehand.  We are renting very standard black tuape and they are going to run the guys about $170.   We shopped around and couldn’t find anything cheaper, and at least your FI can wear part of it again.

 

Post # 7
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

KiwiDerbyBride:  He can try to sell the hat and shoes after the wedding. Worn only once, he should at least be able to recoup some of his money.

Post # 8
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

At least he gets to keep it… My SO paid $230 for rental of his suit for a friends wedding from Ferrari formal. It too was at a time when he couldn’t really afford the money. 

 

I would put the shoes on eBay after the wedding… You never know, someone may buy them.

Post # 9
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

KiwiDerbyBride:  Here in Australia it seems to vary. I did a survey on Weddding bee a while back and it came back very close to 50/50 on whether the bride or bridesmaid pays for the bridesmaid’s dress. And it would be the same for groomsmen. So at the very least, what they are doing (asking your FI to pay) is common. And $225, while a little high, isn’t outrageous.

I agree with you that the bride and groom *should* pay, but there’s no reasoning with tradition sometimes.

So I can understand your frustration, but I don’t think the groom has done anything wrong. It’s just a sucky tradition.

Post # 10
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

KiwiDerbyBride:  Regardless of whether the couple should pay for attendants’ attire (I think they should if they want something specific), the couple should never require attendants to spend more than they have budgeted.

With that said, nobody “forced” your fiance to spend that money. He could – and should have! – said, “Unfortunately, that’s not in my budget. My budget is X.”

A good friend is respectful of his groomsmen’s budgets because their participation in his wedding is more important than how they look in photos.

Post # 11
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

He was forced?  Did they hold a gun to his head and say they were going to shoot if he didn’t fork over cash for the clothes?  Or did they tell him they were going to beat him up in the parking lot?  

You know very well that nobody forced your FI to buy the wedding clothes.  And you both know that he did have options.  He could’ve stated that the outfit was too expensive and either they go for something more modest in price or he would have to bow out of the wedding.  You should simply be grateful that he didn’t have to shell out the extra $100 that the groom’s father gave everyone!

Your man did have options.  He chose the option of being in the wedding regardless of cost. 

Post # 12
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Ellicott:  +1

Your FI wasn’t forced to pay for anything & should have pulled the groom to the side and explained his situation. Who knows the groom may have offered to foot the bill.

Post # 13
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

I’m sorry, but he wasn’t forced to do anything. And he’s in a wedding. There are going to be expenses. And I realize you could be using that money somewhere else, but $225 is not as bad as it could have been. And I think more often than not you will not wear the stuff you bought as a bridesmaid or groomsman again…

Post # 14
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

KiwiDerbyBride:  I understand your frustration but this is something your FI should have discussed with his friend before agreeing to become a groomsman. As others have stated, in the US it is common for the wedding party to pay for their attire, which is chosen by the couple. Last year my husband had to pay over $200 for a tux he had to return the next day! We were both pretty irked but it was his own fault for not asking the groom what the expectations would be. 

Post # 15
Member
2614 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

KiwiDerbyBride:  I agree with you. I think the groom should have explained expectations which are clearly beyond the norm. The couple should also be mindful of the costs, which they clearly are not. Very selfish of them. I’m wondering if they are quite young and don’t realise their huge expectations! 

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