So annoyed with SO (vent, long)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Did you ask him about it last night when he brought it up with you? I would have been pretty annoyed with my FI if he flat out told me I wasn’t ready as opposed to approaching it as “Are you sure you’re ready or I’m thinking perhaps we’re not ready” When someone says “you’re not ready” it’s hard not to get defensive, in my opinion. Nevertheless, I would have asked him what makes him think that you’re not ready to try and understand what he means exactly.

I’d try not to get into the back and forth with him about how much house work you do vs. how much he does, etc. I would just approach it from a very non-defensive stance. Unless he’s just stalling because now that it’s becoming more of a realtiy, perhaps it’s something he’s questioning if he’s ready for..I’m not sure. Yikes, sorry you’re going through this!

 

Post # 5
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Deejayelle:   I get that its a joint decision, the two of you decided together that you wanted to do this and all the prep work is completed…I’d be all done consulting with Mr. Drag My Feet.

Call the breeder, get signed up for a puppy and tell your SO to shut up about it already because THIS is happening….you both know the “housework” hypothesis is fundamentally flawed, because you certainly do your fair share, my guess.  This dog is one more step toward permanence and a fluffy reminder that he has to grow up.

I’d be irritated too….but he’s just being a baby…do what you want, he’ll be happy in the end.

 

Post # 6
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Deejayelle:  Ah, this is a tough one.My FI and I, like you two, don’t have “scheduled chores” we both just do what needs to be done when we have a spare moment. Whether that be sweep, throw laundry in the washing machine,empty the dishwasher etc. Honestly, my FI probably does a bit more than me, but he doesn’t mind it at all and actually finds clearning very calming. But at the end of the day, neither of us keeps track of what or how much the other does. Its a partnership and we just both do what we can when we can and we appreciate what ever effort the other puts in. And I can see why you wouldnt want to have to make a list of all the things you do around the house or let him know everytime you clean something because it shouldnt have to be about recognition.

I’m hesitant to say go through with the plans anyway, because I’d be worried about a bit of resentment now everytime he has to clean up after the puppy. Or you constantly worrying that he’s thinking you’re not doing enough,etc. I do think its really, really unfair of him to go full steam ahead only to dump this on you last minute. If he really thinks it is because you dont do enough housework, there are much better, more productive and healthier ways of approaching that subject with you.

What is your plan at this point?

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