Post # 1
ok my DH loves to spoil me and I have never had that until our relationship (I am in my 40’s)
I have my own career and have always been able to fund my own extravagances – I save up for them and then feel good for buying them.
Well he has hinted that he might be giving me the Nikon D600 that I want for my birthday which is right before Christmas. Ummm that is going to be close to $2500 with lens.
That is too much for a present I think. And I am not sure what to do. Part of me is excited because I really want it.
Part of me feels like that is too much to spend on a gift. And now I am afraid to mention I want anything that is either frivilous or expensive because he wants me to have it.
And yes I cringe when I think how much he spent on my engagement ring. However I did not give it back.
So help a stubborn, independent bee out here – how do I become a gracious recipient of lovely items from him? We are able to afford the gifts and I do provide 2/3 of the living expenses since my children live with us and he supports his ex and children.
Post # 3
I can’t be much help – I’m in much the same boat! I even hate going out to shops with my fiance because if I express an interest in something, he’ll just come back the next day and buy it for me.
I love being spoiled, and I’m glad he only does it on Christmas and birthdays, but it makes me feel awkward when I’ve spent, say $50 on his present, and he’s spent $1000 on mine. Sometimes I’ll splurge and get him something big (for his birthday this year, he got tickets to see Coldplay, as well as me paying for the airfare and hotel), but that’s very rare and I usually need a good reason for it.
Maybe start discussing limits on birthday and Christmas presents? I know my fiance has gotten me something expensive this year – he sucks at keeping secrets and I’m friends with the owner of the shop he bought it from, so after Christmas, I think we might have a talk about spending no more than $100 on Christmas/birthday presents. I find it really hard to accept expensive gifts, not only because of the awkwardness, but also because I see the money and think “That could have gone towards XYZ.”
Post # 4
I didn’t – until we moved in together and his and my money became OUR money! He loves buying me awesome things I love (that also happen to be expensive) and I try and accept it by reminding myself i work hard and hardly ever buy anything for myself. It is also FIs “love language” and it makes him so happy to see my happy with a gift.
Post # 5
Nope. And I have absolutely no issues with getting expensive gifts for him…just bought him a 60″ TV for his birthday.
He makes nearly three times as much as me. I simply cannot look at financial contribution alone when it comes to our relationship. What is mine is his and vice versa. It isn’t about the actual numbers as I contribute in other “wifey” ways.
Post # 6
It’s a love hate with me. We love to spoil each other but sometimes I am financially unable. If he gets me something lavish I almost feel guilty for not doing the same :/
this year since we are planning the wedding ourselves and paying ourselves, we have limited each other to 25$! This is so hard! What is that…like a DVD? Half of a play station game? Lol
Post # 7
@LadyElva: I have put limits on Christmas because we have 6 kids between us and we spend holidays with them and parents/cousins etc and it is very awkward to receive an extravagant present when everyone else is having a lovely but normal holiday.
I said birthday’s were different – and I did buy him a pair of Disneyland passes last year for his birthday that were over $1k and we have used them and really enjoyed them.
BUT I kind of thought that was crazy. My camera starts worrying me lol
Post # 8
A SLR camera is a great gift you can both use. I also got a Nikon SLR camera from my fiance for my bday and we use it all the time. Enjoy!
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
Nope, I’d only have a hard time accepting something that would cause us financial issues later or that he had to go into debt to purchase. Thankfully I know that he wouldn’t allow either of those things 😉
Post # 10
luckily DH and I only make extravagant purchases if we believe that we would get our money’s worth out of it.
Post # 11
@unixfairy: omg, i know exactly how you feel. i too am in my 40’s and have had a successful career and have always been financially independent. my dh is the first person who truly spoils me. i have to be careful not to say that i like certain items b/c i know that he will just go buy them for me for no reason.
if he wants to spoil you, let him; just so long as he is not going in debt over it. it’s about time we independent, mature bees get spoiled.
Post # 12
I totally understand how you’re feeling. I don’t know why I have such a difficult time with what something costs. If it’s expensive I’m leary of accepting it. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve always been frugal and can pinch a penny til it cries. I know he has a good heart and wants to see me have nice things.
My husband has either been generous with gifts or if I comment I like something, he tells me to buy it. He bought me a laptop for my birthday and a TV (early Christmas gift) for my “lady lounge”. He has taken posession of the tv room and named it his” man cave” and the livingroom is now my “lady lounge”. He tells everyone “I haven’t seen her since I bought her the TV. Sometimes she visits me in the man cave but mostly shes in the lady lounge. Last year when we bought my wedding band I was looking at Bonn Bon braclets and if I didn’t stop him he was about ready to shell out almost $700. Yes, it’s beautiful but it’s way to much $$$
I know I should just let him give the gifts he wants no matter the cost and accept them with a smile and a thank you.
Post # 13
His money, my money.. If it’s something I would be willing to buy myself that I don’t think is a waste then I have no problem accepting it. You can always return the favor and get him something extravagant that he would like.
Post # 14
I only get upset if it would lighten our wallets too much for my comfort. It’s been a journey to get to this point because like Ill Be Mrs B, I’ve always been incredibly frugal and pragmatic with my own money. It got to the point that I felt a little anxious accepting just about any present! FI is much more relaxed with spending and loves buying people presents, so it was quite the adjustment. Now we’re in a really great middle ground where I am more relaxed and he is a little bit more frugal.
Post # 15
Nope, not at all. I have been totally independent until I me DH, but I dont see christmas gifts that are not cash as dependency. Unless the gift is damaging to our future, then I am more than fine with it. Well, as long as he stays within the boundaries of his knowledge. DH is uncomfortable buying electronics and jewelry, and he just doesn’t know enough to do it on his own.
Post # 16
Considering that I am the breadwinner right now and anticipate being that for the next few years, I anxiously await the day where he can spoil me a little bit. I promise you, I won’t feel the least bit bad about it. Ha!