Post # 1
BACK STORY: SO and I have been together for 5+ years. We’ve talk marriage and he says he’s saving for the ring but I won’t know when the engagment is but it will happen.
My SO gets along great with my dad’s side of the family. He says they are very friendly and not judgemental. He likes attending those events.
When it comes to my mom’s side of the family he says he will go but prefers not to go because they make him feel insecure about himself. My mom’s side of the family is very much about material things. Pretty judemental but I can’t help that most of them are like that.
Lately alot of my friends who are couples have invited us to weddings, sporting events etc and he usually comes with me. What bothers me is that I always have to hear comments like “Do we really have to go?” ” I don’t want to be there long?” “How long is this going to take?” “Do you really need me to go with you”
You can I say i’m getting irritated with these comments because it makes me feel as though I’m forcing him to go when I’m not but I feel like he is making himself go. It makes me feel like he doesn’t want to be part of my social groups. Other than my dads family. and I understand that my moms family can be intimidating but I change that.
He says he prefers that we have US time instead of couple hang outs but sometimes weddings or special events come up that are important to me. I feel like I go to more things by myself than as a couple. How to deal with this.
Post # 3
My Dh used to be MORE like that than he is now, but I still get it from time to time. We’ve had to have multiple discussions that when he acts that way, it makes me feel like my life and being part of it isn’t important to him. And especially when it comes to family events, that I don’t appreciate his wining. He married me which means he’s part of the family now. I also never complain about going to his family’s events. He’s definitely gotten better over time.
On the other hand of that I’ve also had to realize that I over committ myself. And more than once when I”m himming and hawing over wether to say yes to something that I really don’t want to do, he’s had to be like “you know… you dont have to go to EVERYthing”. So I’ve had to be a bit more discerning about what I commit us, or myself to, which has been good for me. You definitely have to have a balance.
Post # 4
My boyfriend is like that as well but he is like that with my family. He has a small family so not many things go on, I have a big one. I just try to priortize whats the most important and what isnt. If its an event like a wedding, then yes he shold be there, but if its a sporting event then he shouldn’t have to go if he dosnt want to. Your friends are more important to you then to him, just figure out which event is most important, and compromise that way.
Same with family events from your side. If its a 2nd or 3rd cousins event then he doesn’t need to go (unless its a wedding) but when its immediate family its a must!
Post # 5
I can both sides to this. Let me first say that your friends are your friends and your bf shouldn’t have to be forced to be friends with your friends. Now if it’s a special occasion ie weddings, exc then I do agree that he should go with you. Now as far as family goes I think family functions are a must. Your family could be his family and family’s will be combined when you and your so get married and it’s important that your family and your so get to know eachother knowing your so could be joining your family. So family functions on your moms side should be mandatory. Now what does your moms family say to put down your so?
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
Have you told him how those comments make you feel? As a fairly anti-social person a lot of the time, I can understand wanting “us” time instead of doing things in groups. It sounds like he’s trying to be honest with you about how those events make HIM feel, even if it’s not in the best way possible. I’d recommend talking to him about WHY he doesn’t like those things, and explain to him how his comments make you feel and WHY those types of things are important to you.