(Closed) So Bees, lets be honest, shall we?

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
32 posts
Newbee

mine is odd when it comes to talking about it, he said you plan what you want.

but i see it as our day, after our wedding got cancelled last year because of family arguments etc, we decided this year to just go to vegas and do it on our own and have a party when we come back, this means their is no panicking about who sit’s there what to serve etc this is what reuined it for us last year.

 

I would just plan it, but dont put pressure on him as i learnt from my mistake and it nearly ended our relationship.

Post # 4
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My FI is great about going to appointments (dress shopping, florist, DJ, etc.) although the decisons have been more or less mine. I just appreciate having him come along. He’s been given the job of planning the honeymoon. He’s needing a little prompting to continue the planning, but he’s doing his best.

A few month down the road, he’s excited to help choose the food and cake (typical man, hehe), and I think I’ll ask him to help plan our playlist for the DJ.

 

Post # 5
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

he kept saying things were ‘whatever i wanted’ but then didn’t like anything, and thought that was  okay.

it took a lot of talks until i got him to see that i wanted him to enjoy the day too.

also it got a lot better in the last couple of months before the wedding (what can I say? boys cannot plan ahead) when he finally agreed with me that it was time to get things done. 

good luck!

Post # 6
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My FI has been very involved which is really surprising to me!  However, I really think that the reason he’s so involved is to make sure I’m sticking to the budget we agreed on. 

So far the FI has chosen the photographer, the venue, and the type of food our caterer is serving, the save the dates, the e-shoot photog….the list keeps growing; however, I actually like the fact he’s involved.  He comes up with some ideas I didn’t think of.

Post # 7
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Trinity Lutheran Church & Idlewild Country Club

Mine’s um okay. He goes with me to visit vendors and has some input, but I’m basically doing all the work. Some things he’s really interested in (music, tux) but for everything else he’s not interested in, he’s kind of just along for the ride.

Post # 8
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It’s pretty much “whatever you want” unless I push for an opinion. He’ll chime in on the things that are important to him. Food, invitees, seating and some other stuff i may not have gotten to yet.

Post # 9
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

painfully involved:

“do we really need flowers?” – baby, are you on CRACK???

 

 

Post # 10
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Ditto the whatever you want until it comes to his attire and the music. So everything else has been my decision. I show him and it’s like bleh. I have learned to simply say omg I love this look. And then he responds. Other than that he is a typical male.

Post # 11
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Mine wanted to be involved in decision making but didn’t want to do any work to get there!

So I would do the research and then bring him three choices for him to help me make a decision.

This worked for us!

He really liked being involved in the cake tasting, the food tasting and the groom’s suits but other than that he didn’t care very much!

Post # 12
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

mine said that I was not allowed to go “shopping unsupervised”….he was involved in the big things: the venue/catering, the entertainment, photographer, the person marrying us, proofing the invitations…I dealt with the decor/flowers, cake and my dress on my own, he dealt with the tuxes without me.  He is pretty particular in what he likes so I was happy to have his input.

Similar to some of the other bees though I did the bulk of the research and brought him into play when there were a few choices on the table to decide.

Post # 13
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@msgiraffe:  Sounds exactly like mine!  I wouldn’t mind more input or a little more initiation on his part, but he’s been great about coming along for everything I ask him to, and he’s definitely excited about the tux and music.  He also knows the honeymoon is “his job” and he’s the primary contact for our photographer, so that’s helpful.  For a boy, I think he does a lot more than many might 🙂

Post # 14
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My FI has been pretty involved with the planning process so far. We meet with our vendors together and also make the decision about whom to hire together, as well as how much money we want to spend on specific items. The one thing I noticed right from the beginning was that I was doing most of the research about possible vendors and setting up appointments. I asked him to get more involved and he was happy to do so. I think the best part for him so far was selecting the venue and the DJ. He loves music and has been having a great time doing his “homework” and deciding what songs we should have at the reception.

Post # 15
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

My FI has really changed his attitude about the wedding over the course of planning… and not for the better. When we first got engaged all he would ever say was “anything you want.” Which was kind of great lol. Then we got to talking about the budget and he had no idea how expensive it was… which led to some fights between me and my family (they wanted us to use our savings to have a more expensive wedding and we wanted to do only what we could afford by taking money out of our paychecks). And then there has been some drama about the guest list as per usual…. so honestly right now my FI is SO OVER IT. He kind of hates it, which is sad. But he feels like our wedding is becoming about everyone else and he really would rather just elope. That’s just not going to happen, which he is resigned to, but it does make planning with him less fun. 

So now I basically just don’t talk to him about the “little stuff.” As long as it stays in our budget I pretty much just do whatever I want without talking to him. The only things he cares enough to have input on are our music and ceremony. And his only “jobs” throughout planning have been 1) book room blocks 2) find a ring he wants 3) order his and groomsman tuxes and 4) make our playlists for ipod reception. 

Post # 16
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Mine was helpful in picking out a venue and was the one who spoke up and said, “I think we need a DJ” after we saw an amateur DJ botch a reception.  We were going to have an iPod DJ up until that point.  That turned out to be one of the best decisions we made.  But in general he seemed to only have opinions about things that he didn’t want which also happened to be things that I really wanted (the candy buffet being one of them).  And then he didn’t really say why he didn’t want those things.  In the end, about 90% of the wedding was planned by me and when it was all said and done he said those magic words, “You  were right,” because all along he thought it would look like what he lovingly referred to as a cluster F#ck.

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