- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Ok, so first of all, I have this friend that is pretty toxic/negative/judgmental and she has suddenly decided not to attend my wedding. Not having her as a friend is probably a step in the right direction since all she adds to my life is drama and negative energy, but I still can’t help but feel hurt and offended. I mostly want to know if there is anything I can do or say that can help matters or at least help me get closure.
First of all, I’m a very introverted homebody, dealing with some anxiety/depression issues. This friend was sort of a friend of convenience, but became a go-to hang out friend. I have trouble getting close to people, especially girlfriends, but I considered her a pretty close friend after a year and half. Then I got engaged. I picked my bridesmaids, all girls I have known for years before I met my fiance. She let it be known that she was very hurt and betrayed that she wasn’t a bridesmaid and wasn’t sure if she even wanted to go to my wedding.
However, she started to get offended when I didn’t want to go out with her, spend money on trips with her, or “value the friendship as much as her.” We even took a small break from the friendship while she was on a trip. I think we both realized I’m not the friend that she desperately needs.
She seemed to calm down a bit and even helped me with invitations and planning my bachelorette party. Then a month went by and we didn’t communicated at all. I had been really busy with wedding planning and some medical/anxiety issues and she had just started school again, so I chalked it up to us both being busy. However, online she made a rant about how her life is stagnant and everyone in her life is stagnant and she can’t wait to be done with school and move out of state. I was sort of hurt by this sentiment, but understood her unhappiness and wanting more out of her life.
When I recently saw her, it was awkward, but she handed me her RSVP, so I figured everything was going okay. We even had a decent time out with friends that night and on a separate weekend. But now, out of the blue, two weeks before the wedding, she texts me that she is “pulling out of the wedding for personal reasons” and I’m just at a loss what to say or do!
Should I just take this friendship as a loss and move on or is there something I should say or do? My instinct is to say something along the lines of “I was hoping you could help me celebrate my day, but I understand if you are having a tough time right now” but I mostly just want to ignore her or say “good riddance! Enjoy your life elsewhere!”
Any advice from anyone who has had a similar experience with friends backing out of a wedding or just with toxic friendships in general?!?!
Thanks in advance <3