Post # 1
Awhile back, my SO agreed that it was fair to put a deadline on him of our 3 year anniversary to propose (8/20/11). Having a date to live by made me feel so much relief and I just looked at it as “ok, I won’t expect it any earlier, he will propose on that date”. We were watching Millionaire Matchmaker today before work. On the show, Patti was talking to a 45 year old guy client and she told him that he should know after 6-9 months of dating someone whether or not he should propose and take them off the market. I gave my SO a look and he kind of laughed and said “hmmm”. Then he proceeds to bring up our deadline! I was surprised and he said it was only fair that he get an extra week, to make the deadline now 8/28/11. Now I have been counting down the days until 8/20, but I was personally going to give him until 8/28. We leave for Fort Lauderdale on 8/20 to take a week long cruise for our anniversary. I figured I would give him the extra week in case he wanted to propose on a beach in the Caribbean (or something). But really?! We had the deadline set and he still has to deviate from it. I guess deep down I hoped that he would propose earlier than 8/20, and him asking for an extra week practically confirms he’s going to wait until the last minute. I feel pretty disappointed. I guess I should still be glad that I do have a set timeframe to look forward to though, and it did sound like he will be proposing during our vacation. Why do men refuse to plan things in advance though?! Ugh!
Post # 3
I know how you feel. My boyfriend also told me he was going to propose on or near our three year anniversary (which is in February). Part of me is still hoping it’ll be a little sooner lol, but it is nice knowing it’s on it’s way at least and there is an end in sight!
Keep your chin up! When my SO told me when he planned to propose 5 months ago, I thought it would feel like forever, and at first it did and it was pretty hard to stay positive at times, but now with it so close I feel nothing but anticipation!
Post # 4
Maybe he’s saying these things to throw you off? Or maybe it’s so he can find the perfect moment during your trip so he doesn’t have to force it on the 20th. I mean since you were going to be on a trip with him at your deadline, were you going to break up with him on your vacation?I don’t see pushing back the deadline as that big of a deal.
I do understand your frustration with him waiting until the last minute, my FI did that too. But in the end it worked out and we had a really nice trip and proposal. So just remember that no matter when it happens it will be a moment both of you will treasure.
Post # 5
Sit tight! It’s just one more week, and I’m sure he wouldn’t have postponed it if it wasn’t for the fact that your vacation will be the perfect time to propose.
Post # 6
He can’t change your deadline. He changed what he says is his deadline.
Post # 7
Yes, it’s a deadline for him, but I’m the one who set it and I’m the one who has a decision to make if he doesn’t meet it. But no, I wasn’t going to break up with him on vacation if he didn’t do it by the 20th. I probably wouldn’t break up with him over no proposal period. I’m just trying to get his rear in gear.
Post # 8
Right. I was just concerned when I saw the title of the thread that you were feeling powerless right now.
I totally agree that how to go forward from here is entirely your choice.
Post # 9
I am hoping he is just throwing you off- fingers crossed for you.
Post # 10
I’m with the PP I hope that his also throwing you off. Either way I can’t wait to see your post eventually.
Post # 11
While I understand the dissapointment you much feel because it sounds like he won’t propose sooner, I will present the glass half full side of the story.
Your boyfriend obviously knows how important this deadline is to you and how hard waiting is. Although you said that you would probablly give him until the 28th given your cruise, I assume that this was not discussed? Your boyfriend has decided that the cruise is the perfect time to propose – or so it sounds. But he knew that when the 20th passed you would feel upset and dissapointted that it hadn’t happened.
He didn’t want you to feel let down/like he had forgotten/like he didn’t resepct your deadline.
So by asking outright for an extra week and extending the deadline he is guarenteeing that he will have proposed before your deadline is up.
So really he’s trying to be very sweet. Chin up, you’re going on a cruise and this is your last January as a “single” gal! 🙂
Post # 12
Maybe he has a different plan. From my experience the first day of any vacation is usually a little blah (jet lag, tired of travelling, being all sweaty and tired from schlepping luggage). I’d give him a little flexibility to plan it when it feels right, or a getting a little bit of surprise rather than forcing it on day 1.
Post # 13
I know waiting is rough… but he’s only asked for one week. Not a year or anything terribly devastating. I wouldn’t be surprised if he pops the question while you’re on vacation. Good luck, and let us know how it goes! 🙂
Post # 14
If he asked for one week extra, he’s planning on doing it during your trip (or beforehand with the intent of throwing you off).
If he were getting cold feet on proposing, he would have asked for another 6 months or year.
Post # 15
I also think it’s great that he brought the subject up and that he remembered exactly what you agreed! And he did only ask for an extra week…
Once you’ve had time to process the disappointment (as I understand you’ve had that date set in your mind for three years) I’m sure you’ll see that his behaviour is definitely good news and that something special will definitely happen! Let him play it out his way
Post # 16
I don’t think it’s “sweet” that he changed the deadline at all! I think most of the PPs on here are making excuses, excusing him! Forgive me for intruding (as I’m no longer waiting but check in from time to time because in this rough initial adjustment period of marriage — yes, I find it rough — I admit that though I hate to read about the pain on here, it helps me to remember how very much I wanted to marry my dear man). Enough of that. Back to your problem. I’ve said this before on a recent post — I think this is controlling of him and sets a certain practice in the relationship, which should be unacceptable to you. I personally don’t appreciate it when a lover, or boss, or friend or anybody moves back the goal posts. Plain and simple — it isn’t nice. As for what to do about it — here’s where I get weak in the knees and appeal to some of the rest of you bees for help here, IF you agree with any of what I’ve already said. But to excuse your BF for wanting to wait til you’re not jetlagged on vacation or wait til you’re on the perfect Caribbean beach is nonsense. A proposal is good as gold wherever it is… even if it comes knocking on the bathroom door because he just can’t wait for you to get out of the shower to tell you he can’t wait to marry you already! So some food for thought ladies. What is he waiting for and why is it okay for him to push this back a week when she’s counting the days (and maybe hours) for this AND HE LIKELY KNOWS IT. Not nice. Not playing fair, I say.