Post # 1
FI and I decided we wanted to have a destination wedding in Panama at the resort where he proposed. At first his parents were really supportive, but mine were really fighting it. Now, my parents have come around to the idea and his parents are giving us a hard time! It’s very frustrating because if they told us from the begining they weren’t comfortable with it, we would have reconsidered. At the time, it was just my dad being difficult because he didn’t want to travel, so we kind of just had the attitude that he needed to suck it up.
The hard part is that FI’s grandmother is 90. It’s really important to us that she’d be at our wedding. From the begining his parents said that we shouldn’t plan our wedding around her and they would get her where ever she needed to be, but now they’re saying they don’t think she can fly. (Nothing has changed with her health status) We asked her what she thought and she said that we shouldn’t plan it around her. As she is now she feels good, is mobile, and would come. She doesn’t know what will happen between now and then, but she thinks we should plan to have it where we want it. BUT FMIL said that his grandma said she doesn’t think she could actually go. We don’t want to plan something that excludes her from the begining.
Both of our parents are having parties in our hometowns for us after the wedding. His grandmother will be able to attend that. We also discussed waiting and officially signing the papers with just us and her. We’re so confused. Do we have our wedding where she lives or in Panama? :-/ Any advice is welcomed!!!
Post # 4
Only you can decide how important it is to have Granny there to witness your wedding, but I’d say with almost a year before your date and with Granny already at 90 years old, if it’s important to you that she be there, then you should absolutely not have a destination wedding. Travelling is a challenge for even the most able-bodied person, and it’s exhausting, overwhelming and intimidating for a lady of her age.
But it should make for a fairly easy choice. You can have Granny at your wedding, or you can have a wedding in Panama, but you can’t have both. Just pick which one you want more.
Post # 5
@fishbone: Exactly. OP, which is more important? She told FMIL she can’t come to the DW, so if you have the DW, you know in advance that Grandma won’t be there. She is being reasonable and polite to tell you not to plan around her, but if it’s important to you that she be there… she already said she can’t travel.
Post # 6
@ImaStarr: If it’s really important to you and your FI to have his grandmother witness your wedding, then I would reconsider the DW. Even though you say nothing has changed with her health status, travelling is a lot for a 90 year old.
Post # 7
Since Granny said to not plan the wedding around her, I would go ahead with the plans for Panama. She may be able to go, but as JemmaWRX said, she is old, and traveling may be tough. But, you can always use the power of technology – skype her in, or videotape and send a relative or friend who is staying home the link or file, and have them show Granny.
Post # 8
We planned our wedding so my grandfather could come. Down to the venue couldn’t be too far from his house! But…I have known for years that my grandfather cannot travel very far.
I think you should have the wedding where your grandmother can attend. At 90, you don’t know what could happen tomorrow. Not to scare you, at all, because every person is different, but my grandfather started having bladder issues (AWESOME!) on his 91st birthday, and then right before he turned 92 he fell, and my mom told me to come home just in case (sad face!)…but instead he rallied and can walk pretty well again. He’s 93 and will be 94 in April. But the bladder thing means he can’t travel on planes or for long car rides. When our bodies get old, they just…get old. You can’t predict what or how things will happen, but you should prepare for the fact that something could happen.
Post # 9
Why not have it where grandma lives, then go on a honeymoon to Panama?
Post # 10
Do you have an option of where you can live stream it for her? FaceTime or something like that? Or have it close to home for a destination wedding & thn hop over to panama fholy our honeymoon? We were going to live stream ours for my husbands cousin who couldn’t make it but something happened to her computer right before we left so we didn’t end uit doing it.
Post # 11
This is a hard situation. But if it is really that important for her to be there, I would suggest not having the DW. Sometimes you just have to compromise.
My FI grandmother is from out of the country. My FSIL had already planned her wedding date for July 5 and we were told that his grandmother and the rest of the family out of the country would not come back for a 2nd wedding next year and who knows what would happen if we waited longer than that (his grandfather died last year and grandmother is not in the best of health, though she isn’t sick either, just very frail) Anyway, we ended up changing out intended date from august to 2 weeks after FSIL in july that way his grandmother could be there (they will stay in the US for the 2 weeks in between while FSIL is on honeymoon).
Hope everything works out for you.