Post # 1
Soo.. I am so confused lately about my Maid/Matron of Honor.
about 2 months ago, I asked my best friend (we have been a little distant lately due to work & kids)to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I asked her to go with me to pick up my wedding dress and on the way I asked her. She kinda paused and said, well you know that my job is going out of business and I will be unemployed in february right? I said yes, and that she doesn’t have to worry about her dress or hair & make up and stuff bc I understand money issues and I will completely pay for that stuff, not to worry. So she laughed it off and it was kinda just left like that. she wasnt really excited, but when we got to the dress shop to pick up my dress and show her it on me, she tried on some dresses too.
when my consultant asked her if she was the Maid/Matron of Honor she said, “yea I think guess so. She just asked me today.”
I know I asked her at a weird time, but now I haven’t really heard from her and things have been weird between us since.
I asked her over my sister! which I guess was wrong to begin with, but now I don’t know what to do. Should I say something to MOH? or just let things coast and hope for the best closer to the wedding? JUNE 2012
Thanks all 🙂
Post # 3
I don’t understand, what’s the problem? Are you upset she’s not excited? Becasue this happens to pretty much every second bride I meet. Someone isn’t as excited for us as we thought they’d be. So it’s normal, but I don’t really know why you haven’t heard from her- if you want to hear from her- call her up!
Maybe she feels awkward about you asking her, and she’s scared to talk to you… Just call and talk it out.
Post # 4
@vmec: I’ve been texting wedding stuff and BEFORE i asked her, we would talk all the time. now i kinda feel like she’s avoiding me. i’m wondering if maybe she didnt want to say yes, but after i said no worries.. I’ll pay for everything, she had no choice.
What if I kinda forced her into the role without realizing it? should I say something about it? or just ask her why so distant?
or maybe its just me.. with the whole I’M SOO SUPER EXCITED.. why isnt everyone else thing? hahahaa
thanks for your advice 🙂
Post # 5
I understand what you’re feeling. I think if I were you, I’d just have a casual conversation with her about it just to make sure you’re on the same page. Nothing accusatory, obviously, just a friendly check-in, especially since you’re feeling that you may have pressured her a bit.
I know no one gets as excited about our weddings as we do, but I think usually the Maid/Matron of Honor is super psyched to be asked, because it tells her how much she means to you.
Post # 6
@cherylea1: If her first response was that she’ll be unemployed, and her second response upon being asked if she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor is that she “thinks so” it doesn’t sound like she is 100% wanting to hold that title. Maybe she just needs some time to mull it over and for you to be clear with her of your expectations of her as your Maid/Matron of Honor. Maybe she felt put on the spot and is trying to find a way to work it out, or delicately tell you she rather not considering the other pressures of her life. I think you should give it a couple days and then talk with her. Apologize for putting her on the spot, share with her what you expect of her as a Maid/Matron of Honor (nothing different than before you asked her, etc.) and say you’re just checking in before going any further if she’s still interested. If she isn’t, no hard feelings, just let you know. If she is, great! Just call and ask. Don’t text, don’t email, let her hear your voice. Good luck!
Post # 7
Hmm… maybe she’s just stressed about the money thing. I mean, I know when I’ve been a Maid/Matron of Honor in the past I like to throw a nice bridal shower and plan a great bachelorette party… and those are things you can’t really do if money is tight (but you feel like you’re a bad Maid/Matron of Honor if you don’t do them!).
It probably can’t hurt to check with her and just make sure she actually wants to do it, and give her the option to get out of it and tell her it won’t hurt your feelings. Especially if you have a sister that’s willing to do it happily…
Post # 8
maybe try reaching out about non wedding things. Ask her about her life, her kids, her problems her stresses. Yes, I know you’re excited… so am I but you muct realize your wedding isn’t a priotity in her life and maybe she feels like you aren’t paying attention to her?
I too have to consiously try to not bust out the wedding talk with my gf’s it may be important in my life (yours too) but our friends have to remain important to us… as individuals not just bridesmaids… if that makes any sense!
Post # 9
I feel you, my MAN of honor is being totally emo. He responded with ” I guess I’ll say yes for now” um HELLoooo? It’s a big deal! :/ I guess you’re right, only exciting for us.
Post # 10
Maybe she is embarassed at needing to accept financial help from you to be in your wedding.
Be the gracious one. Send he a card thanking her for agreeing to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. Do some searching for dreses, arrange with the salon to have no prices visible and ask her to go shopping with you to pick out a dress.