Post # 1
Hey Bees. I just got engaged in late May and did what everyone suggested to do as a way to start planning; I looked at what we could afford and started to assemble a guest list. My FI and I decided that the number of people we would be inviting is 100 and that we could afford to spend 13k provided we held the wedding in the fall of 2013. The only detail that I was 100% certain about was that I wanted my godfather to marry us, but beyond that I had never given my wedding a thought before.
Now the more that my FI and I talk about the wedding and what we want we are realizing that to accommodate that many people we cannot have the type of wedding that we really want – which is a private, intimate backyard/ at home wedding. I am also becoming very uneasy with the prospect of spending that much money on a single day.
Now I understand that the first step everyone would say is to cut the guest list but the problem is that I have a large family. The 100 person guest list right now is immediate family, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and a few close friends. That is it. Our cousins and children are not even invited. My whole side of the family is expecting to be invited and we’re already catching flak for not inviting cousins, but our budget just won’t support it. If we do decide to be true to ourselves and have a small wedding with just immediate family, we will probably end up hurting my aunts and uncles feelings and I’m certain we will never hear the end of it.
Where do I even start? I am so lost with all of this and I am not even a little excited about the 100 person 13k wedding that we had started to plan.
Sorry this was so long.
Post # 3
you can find venues that inexpensive its just some work… how many guests will there be if you invite all the cousins on both sides?
does your house have the room for the hundred people
? if someone in the family has a bigger house you can do small cocktail menu and accomadate more people.(costco, sams club or any other grocery store that has catering)
Post # 4
If you haven’t sent out STDs or invitations, I think it’s fine to change your original plan. You don’t have to explain your decision to anyone since it’s your wedding and you’re paying for it.
Post # 5
it is your day.. your party. period. You have the event you want… at the end of the day.. you’ll be married!
we wanted a small wedding as well. So we invited our parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles and a few friends… our guest list was about 50 people…. after everything was said and done… we had a final guest list of 30 people…. and it was awesome.
Now to make everyone else happy we are having a back yard party at our parents homes to celebrate with people who couldnt make it (it was far for most people) and for people we couldnt get in the guest list
Post # 6
I had a very intimate destination wedding with only immediate family and close friends. I guess I was lucky in the sense that my aunts and uncles are on the other side of the planet from where I am, and my DH’s family is very small and very understanding. It’s possible – it’s just unfortunate that it’s very dependent on how your family feels … and it’s more difficult to have an intimate wedding if you’re going to have it in a very easily accessible location aka everybody wouldn’t have difficulty attending (this was why I opted for a DW).
I can understand the flak you’re getting about not inviting the cousins though. It’s not fair to only invite their parents and not them … but I think a “no children” rule is doable.
Post # 7
@asianyoushi: If we were to invite cousins from both sides of the family it will be an additional 70 guests. Using our home would be possible for up to 50 people but not any more than that and the same goes for our parents homes. This is especially true since we want a fall wedding and with the weather being so unpredictable I can’t include the use of the yard.
Finding a venue that is inexpensive is really not the main problem. My godfather is a priest and said that we could use his church and rec hall if we wanted. It looks like the use of both would be under $1000. I am just very careful with my money and to spend 13K on a single day is giving me a lot of stress.
Post # 8
@funsizedbee: ahh okay i dont know how to cut the guest list, our wedding guest list was 278 with only 138 showing up.
Post # 9
@funsizedbee: *hugs* the average is $25k so lol I don’t know, I hope that makes you feel a little better?
Post # 10
@funsizedbee: How about cutting your food. Have a dessert reception instead or just do passed trays? If you want that laid back feel, you could also serve a buffet of bbq. Dont get too stressed out yet!
Post # 11
I decided to have an intimate wedding with no more than 50 people. We’re not inviting all my Aunts, Uncles and cousins but instead are having a backyard picnic to celebrate with them. It was difficult to explain why everyone wasn’t invited (even though my little brother invited everyone to his May wedding) but we couldn’t justify spending 15K+ on our wedding when we are trying to save to buy a home.
We invited my godparents so that my parents could each have a sibling there to represent their side of the family. It was a clean break that was easy to explain to others. I also reminded my family that they would outnumber my Fi’s family 20 to 1 if I invited just immediate aunts, uncles and cousins! They were stunned but immediately understood.
I thought long and hard about it but it’s our day and we are getting what we want for the budget we wanted (well almost!). It can be done!
Post # 12
We are doing our wedding for 15k and I found a million ways to cut the budget, but of course guest list is a crucial one. I have listed some that I have found below:
- If your Crafty: Make your own centerpieces, favors and decor ( flowers cost of fortune!)
- have a smaller bridal party ( less bouquets and bouts and less gifts to buy)
- Have your ceremony and reception at the same place for one fee
- Book a reception site that allows off site catering ( usually on site catering is much more expensive and if you book a place that allows off site catering you can find much better deals)
- Book a reception site that provides tables, chairs, linens, dishes and the like so you don’t have to rent
- DJ’s are usually cheaper than a live band
- If it isn’t important to you, skip engagement photos and save the dates. ( we did because our photographer is 4 hours away near the wedding site and logistically it didn’t make sense to us and we also had a shorter engagement so the invites were the save the dates)
- Do your research! Websites like weddingwire.com give you information on hundreds of vendors in your area with reviews from previous brides!
- Use an online wedding website to get information out instead of paper cards in the invite.
I hope this helps! PM me if you have any other question or want to talk stuff out. 🙂
Post # 13
IMO if you have a large local family it is impossible to have a local intimate wedding without hurting someone’s feelings. You’ll have to decide what is most important to you between having the wedding you want or having the number of guests you want. Good luck deciding! You have some time luckily.
Post # 14
Thanks for the input ladies. My FI and I did agree to put off the wedding for a year when we realized that we would be looking at 100 guest so that we could afford to pay for the wedding. If we decided to go the smaller more intimate wedding we would be looking to move the wedding to October of THIS year. I know we just need to make a decision and stick with it but it is very hard when families are involved.
Post # 15
I think you should still be ok with a large guest list, but just change the type of wedding you are having. Personally i would have a late ceremony 7:30-8:00pm ish and have a light cocktail reception with beer and wine only afterward. That would save a tonn of money and you could still have everyone there…
Post # 16
@teresa1083w The problem is we would prefer not to have a large guest list. I think our dream wedding would be less than 50 people. I just don’t know how to explain o the family that this is what we want. I’m also not sure where to go from here.