- 5 years ago
Undercover waiting bee here… SO and I have been together for 6 years (We both just turned 22). He has been gone for the past 4 1/2 months on a fellowship in Italy. This was a great opportunity for him and I supported him going one hundred percent. Now that he is home, things have not gone as expected. I expected nothing but happiness and excitement, but we have had some arguments and both have been extremely stressed. The day after he got home (and had been up for 24 hours straight) he went straight to class and back to work. He had to miss the first week because of the fellowship so he is slightly behind in some pretty challenging classes.
He told me he is considering applying for a year fellowship abroad to help increase his chances of getting in to grad school (which will benefit both of us in the long run), to get to better know all his family that lives there (ALL his family except mom and sister live there, and he has only met them 2 other times in his life) and just the fact it would be an amazing opportunity. The problem is, I was not expecting this, at all. Once he said it I started crying and began to panic because I saw all our plans changing. We had planned to get married next spring, he would start grad school in a couple years, and I would be working on the RN-BSN program. I already had imagine us living together, married, both working to achieve our goals and dreams. He said he still wants to get married, and go to grad school, but he couldn’t let this opportunity pass him by. I totally understand that, but I just couldn’t believe he was considering leaving for a year. He said it’s very competative, a very small chance he would get it, but still, what if he does?
Now that I have calmed down, I feel like maybe it is not the end of the world. We are both young, and maybe it would be ok if it did happen. The idea of losing such a great partner, someone who loves and supports me and who I have a great life planned with, over the possibility he may be gone for just one year, doesn’t really make sense now that I have calmed down. We are young, we have our whole lives together. We should both go out and experience what we want to experience, right? I am just afraid if he did go, it would make us a bad couple or something. Or people would think it means he doesn’t love me.
Also, to be fair, I think he is having some readjustment issues. The organization he did his fellowship for sent home a book about the problems people have with readjusting to life at home, and it decribes him perfectly right now. So, we are holding off on any more serious conversations until he gets back into the swing of things state side. Who knows, maybe this was just something he said because he is still on the high of being abroad. But now, I just feel so lost. Do we get engaged and married still, or do we wait? Should I take him wanting to take this opportunity personally, like he doesn’t care about me. I just don’t know, and had to vent. I’m not ready to tell anyone from my real life this. Sorry for the long, boring, hard to follow, rambling post. Thanks Hive
P.S. For anyone who has been abroad for an extended period of time, did you have any readjustment issues coming back to the states? From what I have read, it’s not uncommon.