Post # 1
I am at a loss right now.
We were planning on a DW and were very close to booking when FMIL threw a tantrum and we started to second guess being stuck in Mexico with her and our other guests. We were afraid she might ruin the trip with her sour attitude. Plus, my sis had a fit over the cost of the DW for her family and was treating me like crap b/c of it. Too. Much. Drama.
Then started to look into Chicago venues and got depressed because of how pricey they are.
Then started looking into a nice private dinner for about 50 guests in Chicago. I found some places that I am interested in, but I keep getting cold feet and second guessing everything. I’m afraid it’ll be boring. I’m afraid I’ll regret not having a more “traditional” reception with dancing. BUT every time I look into traditional receptions I am so put off by the cost. We really want to buy a house and start a family and I just don’t want to spend a ton of money on our wedding. We can afford a reception in the suburbs…but I don’t know if it’s what I really want.
I need to just make a decision but I keep flip-flopping between a dinner in Chicago vs. a traditional reception in the burbs. FI just wants what wil make me happy and I know I am getting close to driving him nuts with this.
Any advice? Anyone experienced these feelings?
Post # 3
Mm. I suggest taking a break from discussing it with anyone but your FI.
Once you’re set in your plan, bring others in for the details.
Post # 4
Good idea. I have noticed that since i got engaged EVERYONE has an opinion on what we should/shouldn’t do. It’s a little overwhelming.
Post # 5
What is your vision of your day? Do whatever THAT is. Money is stressful and everything will fall in place if you keep your goals in mind and don’t let anyone else influence your choice. It’s about YOU.
Post # 6
Yeah, might be time to take a break. Take a hot bath, go watch a dumb movie, just do something that relaxes you and is not about wedding planning. THEN come back and reassess what YOU and FI really want and commit to it. Although I believe that you should observe *some* family concerns for the sake of the fact that they’re well, family, I also believe that you shouldn’t allow their visions to cloud yours. Even if they gasp at the idea of a wedding in the dead of winter or serving tacos at the reception, if that’s your dream, stick to it and they’ll come around.
PS–for some, wedding planning is really rewarding and fun. But I’ve found that for most, it is stressful. It’s hard to plan any big event–that’s why wedding coordinators have jobs. So just recognize that the road will be a bit bumpy now and then and learn to find your zen. Or hey, elope–no one I know who eloped ever regretted it 🙂
Post # 7
Honestly, I don’t think you should worry so much about following traditions; it seems to me as if your top priority is to buy a house and the last thing you would want is to start a marriage with unnecessary debt (no matter how big or small)!
Post # 8
I was in a similar situation a fews months ago. First you need to take a day off from planning and relax. Then you should sit down with your fiancee and make a pros and cons list for each of your options. This will enable you to make a logical decision based on what is best for both of you. And dont forget, this weding is about celebrating your love to pleasing everyone!
Post # 9
I think you should book your DW. It sounds like that’s truely what you want.
This is your wedding. Not your sister’s. Not your FMIL’s. I’d let them know that they don’t have to come if they’re going to act like children about it. Don’t let a couple of immature whiners ruin your dream wedding.
Post # 10
Honey, I totally HATE wedding planning. Other than looking at pretty dresses and flowers, I HATE HATE HATE the whole freaking process and I am only having an semi-formal wedding with a simple reception afterwards! I am more of a “Hey, we’re having a cook-out, wanna come over ?” person.
Post # 11
If you’re ok with people (even close family), missing the wedding, then do the DW if that’s what you and your FI want. At the end of the day, it is something that the 2 of you will remember most.
You’re going to get people voicing their opinions no matter what you do, so you might as well do what feels right for the two of you.
Post # 12
Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who really hates planning. I was up waaaaaay too late worrying and calculating costs and worrying some more. Then today, after an aresenal of coffee, I revisted a wedding info packet from a resturant that I had expressed interest in months ago. I also found an amazing blog from a girl who got married there and her wedding looked great. Good food. Good wine. Relaxed but dressy feeling. Outdoor patio. It seems perfect…. I actually got teary eyed looking at her photos. I told FI that we are going to go there for dinner on Monday and see if it’s something that will work for us. Fingers crossed!
Oh and I did really want to do a DW, but I cannot stand the way that my sis and FMIL were acting. I honestly have made peace with the fact that we will not have a DW. I am now looking forward to a long & relaxing honeymoon with my future husband. Just the 2 of us.
p.s. Just found this blog post on pinterest. It is so true.
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Relax. Take a bubble bath, drink a glass of win, whatever you need to do to destress. Then I want you to imagine you are 10 years older than you are now. Where are you living? What kind of job do you have? Any kids?
A wedding is merely one day; an important day because it signifies the beginning of your marriage but still it’s only one day and it shall pass. Let go of worrying about how everyone else feels or what everyone else expects out of your wedding. Write down 3-5 things you think of as absolutely necessary for you to consider it a wedding; have your FH write down 3-5 as well if he is involved in planning. Compare the lists. These are the most important things you need to be considering when planning your wedding. Hopefully it will narrow your options somewhat.
Although from your recent post it sounds like you’re on the right track.
Post # 14
@beachbride1216: Well said. Thank you.