SO dancing with someone else? Not sure how to feel…

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
6883 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

 IMO, If all he did was dance dirty with some chick, it’s not the end of the world and you need to try to stop thinking about it. It’s not pleasant, but it’s sort of what one does at a club, no? 

However, with him telling you his friend kissed another girl even though he’s in a relationship, this doesn’t seem like a good long term trust builder. will you always be going clubbing without each other? If so, you need to set some rules. 

Whatever you do, give yourself the 48 hour period pass in which you shelve concerns to see if they still bother you after the hormone surge. 

 

Post # 3
Member
470 posts
Helper bee

Yeah I’d be annoyed at him if I were you and feel disrespected. My husband went to Vegas before we were engaged on a boys trip with a mate. I know they went to a strip club etc. And also met with two girls, who apparently was his mates friends. He said nothing ever happened, but I still have slight suspicion in the back of my mind. Although he knows i would kill him if he did anything! So I’m not sure if anything really did happen. Sorry for you. Not really sure what you should do. He better make it up to you! 

Post # 4
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Meglin:  yes I think you’re being way over dramatic.  I’ve danced with guys at clubs, it’s whatever.  This is a none issue for me.

Post # 5
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Tinatiny1:  

+1 I know PMS can make me irrational and oversensitive. 

If my husband went to Vegas, I wouldn’t want to know what he did there unless he cheated on me. The same thing goes for a strip club visit. Luckily, my husband is almost a hermit. 

I don’t think this is worth getting upset over. I’m not one for telling people how to feel as our emotions are different. I can only speak of how I would react.

Post # 6
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m in the camp where I would be sorely, sorely irritated….but I would be just as irritated that FI’s friend decided to make out with some random chick. 

FWIW, we aren’t people that do the club scene.

Be irritated, and then move on. 

Post # 7
Member
6907 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m rather surprised at bees saying this is cool and ok. It’s not. What were they doing there in the first place? If a man wants to clubbing with single women, he’s not ready for a relationship. And as for her hands…. give me a break. He was in control of his own hands. Unless he’s saying the girl had super strength and he couldn’t pull his hands away.

That said, he has apologised. It sounds more like stupidity than cheating. Let him know you’re angry and disrespected, let him know it’s not ok… but forgive him.

Post # 8
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

aussiemum1248:  

Why can’t someone in a relationship go clubbing with friends? I don’t understand that mindset at all. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that one’s independent life has to end. I go out with my single friends once in a while. That doesn’t mean that I am not ready for marriage. 

I don’t understand the hands excuse either…

Post # 9
Member
673 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I would forgive, but be super annoyed. I would be more concerned that he hangs out with someone else who has no respect for their relationship. I’m in the process of moving away from my friend who is not faithful in their relationship, just because I feel like a terrible person when I have to hang with them and their SO and I have to watch the SO be in love with someone who obviously isn’t in love with them. I’d also be irritated that he didn’t take me to Vegas…Not so I can hang with them and hover, but because I’ve never been. 😛 

Post # 10
Member
6907 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

PositiveThinking:  OK, that statement was a bit broad. It depends on the sort of club. If it’s a club where all you can really do is dance with random members of the opposite sex, then I’d question what they’re doing there. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with going out for a drink with friends without your partner. 

Post # 11
Member
2679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I personally have gone to a club without FI and danced with other guys, but I always tell them right away that I am in a relationship. To me, that kind of thing is no big deal, but I think if you are uncomfortable with it, you should let him know that moving forward.

Post # 12
Member
2206 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

This wouldn’t be cool with ne either, but I’d just make sure that he knows where I stand & maybe create some boundaries around these sorts of situations.

I also understand how being on your period throws your feelings for a loop & what not so hopefully with some solid communication & a few days for Aunt Flo to run her course, you two can successfully move past this 🙂

Post # 13
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Backyard

Every one makes different boundaries for their own relationships. So if you feel you were wronged by this it doesn’t matter what other people would do or how others would feel, it matters how you do. Obviously this is an issue for you going forward, you need to make sure that you discuss the parametres of your relationship moving forward. I’d be pissed, but I’d forgive provided we agree on boundaries that we will both adhere to in the future.

Post # 14
Member
2738 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You are allowed to feel however you are feeling. They are your feelings & they are real. So I don’t think you should have anyone tell you how you should feel. Also, one person’s boundaries aren’t necessarily going to be the same as yours in a relationship  I think it’s important to just feel everything that you are, but maybe not all in front of him. When you get to a point where you think your emotions are under control,  then I would calmly just tell him that it upset & politely ask him to not do it ever again. I’m sure he wouldn’t be all cool with you grinding with a guy where the 2 of you were rubbing on each other’s upper thighs or what not. Please don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel. It’s how you communicate your feelings that’s the important part. 

Post # 15
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Unless he were dancing in the way you’d dance with your grandma I wouldn’t be ok with this at all. You have every right yo be angry. It’s wrong.

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