(Closed) So devastated and don't know what to do.

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
8314 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You could always get a ring in your price range now and on one of your future anniversaries when you are more financially stable get the dream ring!

Post # 4
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

First, relax… take a deep breath.. *hug*

I totally get being in a financial bind.  However, I think it’s super sweet that you’re using your grandmother’s diamonds and that you and your FI are custom making a ring just for you.  It’s going to be something that sits on your hand for the rest of your life.  Everytime you look at it, you’ll be reminded of how he proposed to you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, etc. 

Now, if currently you’re in a financial bind, I don’t see the issue in saving up for it and doing it at a later time, but starting the planning process.  If people make comments about you not having a ring, you can tell them it’s being made.  Which is true – it will be made as soon as you have the money for it!

I can’t imagine that a ring would be “that” expensive if you’re supplying all the stones.  Are you buying the sapphire?  Perhaps you can shop around for a cheaper center stone? 

Or, maybe he can use your grandmother’s ring to propose and you can keep it in a safe spot until you can get the ring of your dreams.  Is it so fragile that you can’t even wear it on a chain? 

Don’t worry – there is a solution here somewhere and it will be found!

Post # 5
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

I know a friend who got married at a young age and her hubs is planning on getting her a nicer ring for their five year anniversary. 

Post # 6
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you’re not comfortable spending that kind of money for a ring, then don’t do it, simple as that. Society may tell you that you need to put a lot of money into an engagement ring or wedding band (it’s actually Mervis and DeBeers telling you that) but that doesn’t mean you have to do it.  I’d keep Grandma’s ring somewhere safe for now, and pick a ring more in my price range. Then I would just see how things turn out over time.  Some women develop a really close bond with their first ring, so the more simple ring may, over time, become exactly what you want it to be. You’ll love it so much that you won’t want to part with it. Other couples decide over time that what the ring symbolizes justifies a bigger expense.  Time will tell.

You may want to open a new savings account and put a little money each month into it; in 5 years, you can use it to upgrade your ring if you want, and if you’re happy with the more budget-friendly ring, you can find plenty of good uses for what money you’ve saved up.

Post # 7
Member
3698 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would do some shopping around. When my FI and I were looking at engagement rings, we were quoted around 8.5k for my ring. We got basically the same thing (and what I think is actually better quality!) for about 3.5k. Prices in brick and mortar stores are hugely inflated, in part because they have to pay a lot more overhead costs than an online company does.

Start an account on pricescope.com. The posters on that forum know everything about jewelry — they’ll be able to point you in the right direction.

Post # 10
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

First… the jewelry is not what’s important. There’s no ring police, and you don’t have to make any decisions about this right now or commit to anything you can’t afford. Put this aside until you’re calm. 

When you’re ready to deal with it, a couple thoughts come to mind. 

You could redesign the ring so that it would be less expensive. The first thing I’d look at would be the sapphire. Since you already have some diamonds to work with could you skip it, or otherwise looking for a less expensive one, or else use a placeholder stone like a blue CZ? 

Can you talk to other jewelers and compare estimates? Maybe instead of approaching it as “this is what I want, how much does it cost?” you could go in with a budget and say, “this is how much money I have, what can I get?” Don’t restrict yourself to local places; there are a lot of people that do very reasonable custom work on Etsy.

What metal are you using? Are there less expensive options you’d be happy with?

Post # 11
Member
4364 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

awww hun, taje some dep beaths and relax.  You don’t need to do the cutom deisgn right now.  It is really that simple.  Keep that ring from your Grandma in a safe place, and wait a few years.  Can you afford the sapphire you wanted right now?  If so, get the sapphire so you have the forever stone, and get a simple stock setting solitiare.  Gemstones in solitaires look beautiful in my opinion.  Later on, you can reset the sapphire and the diamonds.  And, if it is custom, they can reuse the same gold/plat whatever, so it is the same metal touching your finger.  🙂  A stock setting should be just a few hundred dollars.  😉

Post # 12
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My fiance and I just went through a similar situation… we just can’t afford the wedding bands we want right now ($1200+ each for custom plain metal bands with some engraving detail, but no stones).  So we have decided to get less expensive bands for now and will in the future get the bands we really want.

Post # 14
Member
1600 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It can be shocking and overwhelming when you realize you might not be able to afford something that is so important to you. Had that experience many times over the past few months!

However, it is extremely smart and important to not get yourselves into debt or financial trouble just because it’s “the norm” to spend a ton of money or have some big, flashy ring.

If I were you, I would shop around A LOT (internet and in store) and see what you can find that is your style and you can afford. You can always buy another ring in the future, once you are more financially secure.

As far as your grandmother’s ring goes, put it aside somewhere safe and again, once your finances are more stable, then see if having some work done with it is possible.

If you want to incorporate her ring on your wedding day, think about putting it on a ribbon and tying it around your bouqet or something.

Just remember that while some people will insist that having a $5000 ring is important, what really matters is that you and your fiance love each other, and are ready to make a committment. 

Not everyone has unlimited funds when they get married (myself included) so sacrifices have to be made and sometimes it’s disappointing. But again, once you focus on the non-material things that are important, you will feel better about the whole situation and when the wedding finally comes, you probably won’t even care if you have a twist tie on your finger! Smile 

And making wise financial decisions now means that you will be able to afford the big, fancy stuff in the future when everyone else is drowning in debt! 

 

Post # 16
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The other thing is, if you’re looking for an e-ring right now, you could get something very simple, like a sapphire solitaire and then use your grandmother’s diamonds (assuming they are small) in a channel set wedding band. (I don’t know about other people, but to me the e-ring doesn’t matter at all, I feel like the wedding band is the important ring.)

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