Post # 1
I don’t want to cause a debate, I really just want to vent for a second. We finally got around to having the budget talk with my parents tonight. They’re the main ones funding our wedding [80% them, 20% us]. I know they have more of a say in things because of this, but that only goes so far. Fiance and I agreed long ago that we wanted NO religious anything with our wedding. My dad offered us an ammount, but he said if we mentioned god, he would give us an extra 2k. I was very upset by this because I see it as a bribe to talk about something we don’t believe in. Not just talk about something we don’t believe in, but to do it in front of the people who are closest to us, on one of the most important days of our lives. I said no thanks, we’d stick with the smaller amount and make it work.
Fiance asks if I’ll talk to him in the other room for a second. He goes on and on trying to convince me that 2k is 2k. We would know we didn’t believe it, and it would make my dad happy. I see it as my Fiance selling out [and he said he would sell out for 2k] on a core value, and letting my dad dictate a huge part of what we believe in. I’m not offended at weddings where they talk about god alot. It’s their day; they can do it how they want. I would have expected the same respect from my family, and I would definitely expect my future husband to agree with me on somehing this huge. I have my own principles I stick by, and selling out about something I don’t believe in is NOT one of them.
Needless to say, we stayed in the other room fighting for quite some time, and now I feel that I respect him a little less because of some of his arguing points. I won’t list them since I don’t want to put everything on the internet, but I am beyond furious that he didn’t back me up on something that we [not just me] believe [or don’t believe] in.
I’m sure there are people out there who will say I’m crazy for not just sucking it up and using the extra 2k [which would help tremendously, I get that], but I just have more respect for myself than to act hypocritical during a ceremony that will set the stage for the rest of our married lives.
Sorry. I just wanted to vent about how hurt I am that my dad tried to bribe us into talking about things we don’t believe in on such a momentous occasion, and that my Fiance was willing to sell out and not back me up. End vent.
Post # 3
I don’t think you are silly at all, but then again, my Fiance and I are both athiests too. One of his best friends has officiated a bunch of weddings. He did one last weekend, in fact. He’s really good, he’s that cheeky funny officiant. He refused to marry us because we would disallow him to mention God. We’re okay with that. Everyone has different opinions on this particular subject, so you’ll always find differences. 2k is 2k, but sticking to your beliefs on your special day is worth more, imo.
Post # 4
Also you Fiance might feel a lot more pressure than you do because they are YOUR parents. He likely wants to please them a bit more than you do in this area. When my Fiance met my mom he spent at least six times longer picking out a shirt to wear than he EVER did when we went out. Just food for thought.
Post # 5
My fiance and I are not very religious and I was so afraid that his family (who are very religious) would have been pissed at our decision to NOT do a church wedding. But surprisingly they are not.
If your dad offered an amount to pay that’s great! But honestly, you can cut corners on SO MANY THINGS that can make up for that 2k lost. Stick to YOURSELF and have the wedding YOU want. It’s just money.
As far as fiance, I’m sure he is just trying to make everyone happy to ensure that you guys have a great wedding. Maybe retalk to him when youre not so upset and tell him that it hurt your feelings and would like for him to back you up on the original plan that you BOTH agreed on.
Because like I said…. its just money.
Post # 6
I don’t think you’re crazy or silly at all. I would have reacted the same way. The extra money is certainly not worth compromising your beliefs over.
Post # 7
Thanks, ladies. I feel a little better that at least a few of you would have stuck to your beliefs too.
He wasn’t trying to not offend anyone or make them happy. Trust me, his comments during our “discussion” made that clear. Again, I don’t want to put them on the internet because, frankly, I’m embarrassed by what he said. But, no, it was purely selfish reasons just to have an extra 2k.
Post # 8
@Mrs. Bear Cheese Pie: Fiance asks if I’ll talk to him in the other room for a second. He goes on and on trying to convince me that 2k is 2k. We would know we didn’t believe it, and it would make my dad happy.
That is pretty shitty reasoning on your FI’s part. Obviously you know that already, but what really stuck out to me was him saying that the two of you would know that you don’t believe it. My response to that would be that I want both of us to mean absolutely everything that is said during the ceremony, otherwise what is the point? This isn’t something I’d cave on if I were you, I hope your Fiance comes around.
Post # 9
@Wonderstruck: He said if it obviously means this much to me, that he’ll back me up. So we told my parents thanks, but we’ll stick with the smaller amount. But, it took us having a fight, me crying, and a lot of arguing for him to get to that point. It just really bothers me the things he said in the arguement to try to convince me and the fact that our vows, apparently, mean so little to him that it wouldn’t bother him to talk about something neither of us believe is true. That’s the main issue, like you said. I just don’t even want to look at him right now, let alone talk about this with him any more.
Post # 10
Wow so I am an atheist the only reason god is even going to be mention at my wedding is because my Fi does have some belief even if he is no longer relegious. I don’t get why people would want to force or include something that means absolutly nothing to the couple, I agree with you and that is something if my Fi did which would piss me off. As far as I am concerned 2k is worth my dignity or beleifs, and I would be upset with my father for even suggesting such a thing, and even madder with my Fi for even considering it.
I absolutely see where you are coming from, and not just with the relegion thing. It could have been anything that is againist your belief, and I think it would set a very bad precedence with your parents, showing them that you can manipulated and controled with cash. While your father offered, I wonder if deep down he would lose some amount of respect for you guys had you taken the cash.
Post # 11
Just wanted to say good on you for standing up for what you believe in! It makes me uncomfortable to hear about your father trying to bribe you to have a religeous ceremony and I’m sorry he did that to you =( How impossibly awkward. I hope it all works out between you and your FI- but make sure you stick to your guns.. I agree with PoeticDoveinLA though in that he probably has additional pressure on him to try and keep your parents happy too.
Post # 12
I’d lay off your Fiance a bit. To him I guess it’s not like he’s including something he actively doesn’t agree with in the wedding, he’s compromising in order to get you an extra 2k. It sounds awful but in the grand scheme of things, having a little extra cash will make things easier on you. To me it doesn’t feel like he has let you down in anyway but that’s only my opinion. Like a PP suggested, if you are sure that you want a non-religious wedding, then it is easy enough to cut back in other areas and plan on the smaller budget. Good luck!