Post # 1
I feel like my wedding has taught me a lot about people and not for the best. My parents are in the middle of a separation and my mom absolutely cannot function. Even simple things like getting the rolodex with all of our family’s addresses. Sounds easy, but we’re going on 3 weeks of me asking and not being able to get it. I pissed my dad off and he said he was no longer paying for my wedding. FI is mad (not at me) but he and I can afford to pay it on our own. My dad is forever doing this to me and I just keep hoping one day he follows through with something he says he will. It’s so bad, my younger brother went for 2 years without a car in another city because he didn’t want my dad to give him a car and take it back every day.
My MOH has basically been absent. The only thing she has done is try on my bridesmaids dresses and complain so much that I ended up choosing a new one. She’s not planning my shower, which is ok because I have my aunt planning one in my hometown. We’ve been talking about my bachelorette party. She told me she was going to do it. She decides to nonchalantly over the phone tell me that she doesn’t think she’ll be able to do it anymore. She says she has no vacation time. Well she was definitely in our college town for a bachelorette party last month. I didn’t make a big deal that she is leaving Sunday after my wedding quite early. We have a brunch planned, but fine. One less person we have to pay for I guess. Now she’s getting married next May. I know she will expect me to bendover backwards for her. I was cool with throwing her a shower, even though she never even mentioned one for me. I have listened to her nonstop about planning…even though my wedding is in less than 3 months. I just sit there and listen. I just feel so crappy.
One of my other bridesmaids is causing me stress too. She keeps complaining about costs. I wanted her to be at my bachelorette party so bad I offered to split the ticket with her. I have listened to her complain about her job, mom, not being in a relationship etc. But the minute I even start to get a little sad, she says “stop it. I have no one…” I wanted to ask her, “If you have no one then why the f*** are you talking to me right now.”
I almost want to not have any attendants any more but then I feel bad because they’ve bought their dresses. One thing is for sure, I have my fiance. He wants to kick one of them out of our party. He feels like I am too available to them for them to be treating me this way. I know if I do that she will be absolutely livid and our friendship would be over. He doesn’t get that I’ve been friends with these two for so long that I have a lot of time invested. It’s not that easy for me to do. This is the story of my life though. i’m always there for people, but when I need them, they leave me stranded.
Sorry for the long post..I’m just really hurt. Thanks for reading.
Post # 3
Ugh that sucks so bad! I’m sorry you’re going through this! I hope my words offer some comfort. They don’t seem to be very good friends if they’re blowing you off like this. I had an ex best friend who used to complain about EVERYTHING in her life, every minute detail and when I started to even start to sound like I’m say something negative she’d say “you don’t understand how bad *I* have it, it’s not even close to what you go through.”
I’m going through something similar with my family. No one has talked about anything wedding related. The only thing my MOH has done, like you, just bought the dress. The other two haven’t even bought their dresses (they say they don’t have money.) My FI and I are pretty much planning and paying for this thing ourselves. Needless to say it’s going to be VERY small lol. My pastor told us that it’s a case of jealousy on my family’s part because there are so many issues. Maybe it’s the same for you too?
Sending lots of hugs your way!! If you need to talk, don’t hesitate to PM me 🙂
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re surrounded by all of this negativity. Weddings do seem to really bring out the worst/craziest in people.
Post # 5
Thanks ladies. Sometimes I wish I would have eloped.
Post # 6
You still could 😀 Never too late. I wish I did initially too, but I already bought half my dress… it’d be such a shame not to use it <3 But hey, hindsight is always 20/20. Try just cuddling up with your FI and rent “Coming to America” it’ll make you laugh 🙂
Post # 7
I too am sorry you are going through this. Weddings def show you peoples true colors. I SO wish I hadn’t had so many BM’s too. One is MIA and I am FINE with that!
Post # 8
I am going through a lot of the same things you are… ie with your dad and my MOH who is supposed to be planning my bachelorette party in 2 weeks and has not gotten anything done for it. She is currently at Bonnaroo so I know nothing will get done until next week at least. It is just annoying that you depend on these people and then nothing comes of it.
After all this wedding stuff, I can honestly say I wish we would have eloped… but it is way too late in the game for that!
Post # 9
I’m sorry things are so rough for you right now. What I’m about to say will not be popular, but I’m probably around your mom’s age so maybe my advice comes from a lot of experience in dealing with people. Your dad sounds a lot like my children’s father. He makes promises he doesn’t keep then denies he’s made promises. My kids never know if he’ll actually do what he says and my daughter has especially learned not to count on him. Your mom must be having a hard time now too. Girlfriends. MOHs bridesmaids etc often can’t be counted on either.
My unpopular advice? The focus on weddings is, or should be, the marriage that’s occurring, not the festivities around it. If paying for all of it presents a hardship, don’t do it. Save the money for important things as you start your life with your husband. Find a cozy destination you can afford, go away and get married. Spend your energy on your new spouse. IF you really feel you’ll somehow be cheated by not having the whole deal, have it when you can afford it in the form of an anniversary party. I think it’s such a waste of time, emotion and money to plan an event that causes so much stress and financial hardship. There are many smaller alternatives. None of the hoopla is a predictor of happiness. Many people have gotten married at city hall and gone on to live long happy lives togehter.