Post # 1
I recently set out to lose about 10 pounds. Not wedding related or anything, but just have put on a few pounds since my undergraduate days and would prefer to get back to my “fighting weight” haha. I’m only about 10 pounds overweight anyways, so it’s not like I have self esteem issues or hate my body. In fact, I’m pretty proud of my body. But I don’t think that it’s wrong to want to be back to where I was a few years ago. I’ve just slowly put on a little and want to get it back.
I’ve lost a few pounds (yay) – but have found it really, really difficult because my friends and more importantly, my SO, think that I don’t need to lose weight. Of course, I don’t NEED to lose weight. I would like to drop a dress size, but I am very healthy and it’s purely a cosmetic thing. I just remember when I was a dress size smaller and I just liked what was in the mirror a little better.
SO is great and he tells me every day how beautiful I am, but every single time I decline dessert or starchy meals, or do some extra HIIT, he ‘lectures’ me on how I am beautiful and don’t need to change, and I will always be perfect for him, no matter what I look like. He also doesn’t like when I’m a little grumpy or hungry from the extra training/fewer calories and tries to convince me to have a cheat meal.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s wonderful and I am truly lucky to have him – but this isn’t about him! This is about me wanting to put my favourite (now just one size too small) jeans back on!
Does anyone else have this problem? How do you do it?
Post # 3
@misswhereami: If you’re not underweight, and you don’t struggle with an eating disorder, then I’d just tell your fella, “sweetie, I appreciate the compliment, I really do – but I’d like to do this for ME. I hope you can understand :)”
Post # 4
Maybe he’s more attracted to your curvier self and doesn’t know how to tell you so he guises it as trying to boost your self esteem (even though you’re fine!) lol
Just a thought…
Post # 5
He also doesn’t like when I’m a little grumpy or hungry
@misswhereami: I can understand where he’s coming from. If he loves you for who you are, and that changes when you diet, it would make sense for him to dissuade you from doing it. Maybe eat healthy/low calorie snacks to prevent you from getting hungry/grumpy.
Post # 6
@misswhereami: Is he insecure about his own weight and feels discouraged when he sees how dedicated and successful you’ve been so far?
Post # 7
@remijp: I was actually just about to say the same thing!
Just gently remind him that you’re doing this for YOUR happiness, and you’re not going to force him to lose weight or anything like that. Also remind him that you’re very happy with him and how he looks. And then go and rock those favorite jeans!
Post # 8
Definitely not! SO is 6’0, 195 pounds, and has a six pack. I am a lucky woman. In fact, one of the reasons I want to lose a little weight (argh I hate saying it) is that I feel like he is more attractive than me! Of course, I know he loves me the way I am, but I can’t help but think others would look at us and think “what is HE doing with HER”? This probably isn’t the case, but we all have our insecurities.
Post # 9
@housebee: I agree with your advice – I think I have to be more positive about it myself. I am happy with my progress so far and try to be excited about it, but I can see why it’s not super fun for him when I’m grumpy because I want pasta and am eating a salad instead!
@QuirkySocialite: He may actually 🙁 I have to ask him directly whether that is it. He has always mentioned that he likes how muscular I am and my legs and butt, which are very muscular, and how much he is not attracted to stick thin girls.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@misswhereami: If your guy is anything like mine, he really truly thinks you’re beautiful just how you are and doesn’t understand why you should deprive yourself to change…. Which is super sweet, but not that helpful for motivation!
Post # 11
Yep – sounds about right! I am truly grateful to be so loved, but it’s pretty hard to stay on track when someone is telling you that you don’t need to.
Post # 12
@ANGELaaimt: This is going to be my primary tactic. I just hope he understands and can put up with me while I do this!
Post # 13
He may also consider eating and drinking yummy things to be a fun thing to do together as a couple and he feels that he can’t share that with you anymore and that makes him sad.