SO dumped me to see if I'd fight for him? …. confused

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

No. You did nothing wrong. He sounds like a piece of work. I think you are going to find that in the long run you are better off without him.

Post # 4
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

On the way home, he was telling me a story about how upset he gets with certain  relatives who talk badly about him (this was in relation to those outside  factors).  I was trying to be supportive and told him he shouldn’t be  bothered by them because he never sees him and they really don’t matter or  effect his life in any way.  He freaked.  Yelled at me at the top of  his lungs.  Started doing 80 mph.  Said I was a bigger @sshole than  these particular relatives of his.

I think this is a combo of him having major insecurity issues, and the other being that he felt like you didn’t have his back and chalked everything up to “outside factors” and undermining his true feelings even if it’s someone he didn’t know much or wouldn’t see often.

I don’t agree with how he handled things at all..sounds like he needs to see a counselor or speak to someone about his anger…but other than that it just sounds like you brushed off his feelings, and it hurt him…

The him dumping you to see if you’d fight for him even proves my point further.

Post # 5
Member
9231 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Skrilla:  You didn’t do anything wrong.  This is a classic move of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Read up on it, and realize you dodged a bullet.  Block him from contacting you in any way.  This is all a game to him and if you give in you’ll instantly lose his “respect” and go back to being dirt beneath his feet again.  They do things in stages like this and your description is exactly typical. 

But it is not  you, you can know this.  I wish you all the best.  You deserve better!

Post # 6
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Also to add:  What things were said about him ? You don’t really go into that much, and it’s more about how you feel, not how he felt….those words from your family members hurt his feelings apparently…and it would hurt me too if I found out my husbands distant family members were saying those things.

Post # 7
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I didn’t even get through you whole post. He has mental issues and you should want no part of that.

Post # 8
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Skrilla:  Are you kidding me? Why are you even continuing to humor this egotistical, game playing dink who obviously sees you as lesser than Himself and thinks you should lower yourself by chasing him after he has said he no longer wants to be with you? 

Put him on studious ignore and move on already.  Sheesh.

Post # 9
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

You did NOTHING wrong here–Your ex-SO is clearly unstable.

No, that is DEFINITELY not normal for a nearly 40-year-old man to do. That’s something a 13-year-old does.

I know you said you have great chemistry, but I bet you can find another person you have great chemistry with. This guy is clearly no good.

Post # 10
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

RUNNNNNNNNN!

Count your blessings and move on! This guy sounds like a ticking time bomb and on top of that likes creating drama for entertainment. I had an ex like this and the longer you “entertain” them the harder it gets because you end up caring more about them. A person that truly cares for you would never put you through this mess. Good luck!! ((((hugs)))))

Post # 12
Member
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Wth? I would block his number and/or change yours. Especially knowing what you do now there is NO WAY you should ‘fight for him’. If my FH ever went 80 and was screaming at me, especially if he did it to scare me, we would no longer be able to be together.

Post # 13
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

“I just don’t understand breaking up with someone to see if they fight for you.” Ugh..is he in high school? Seriously, that sounds like something I would have pulled on my boyfriend when I was 15. Normal healthy relationships don’t involve games like that. You did nothing wrong and it sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet with this dude.

Post # 14
Member
4218 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Is he 13???

No seriously, this person is far to much work to be with. I don’t believe him to be stable based on what you’re saying. I would never stay with someone who plays games and crap like that, much less some guy who had the nerve to swear at me. Oh hell no. 

Post # 15
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Fuck him!

He floors it in the car because he’s mad at you??
What if you had kids together and they were in the car? He obviously doesn’t care about your saftey, and if you’re “worse than his family” then he obviously isn’t putting you in high priority now.

STAY AWAY FROM HIM, he’s only interested in himself and you don’t need that kind of crap in your life.

Tempermental isn’t the word – Angry, Controlling, Abusive.

You can do better than this for yourself. Don’t go back.

Post # 16
Member
935 posts
Busy bee

@Skrilla:  Ive had someone dump me just to prove that I would fight before, and when I was immature, I admit I did it to others… I could add a long rant to this. but long story short, tell him you dont have time for games. you have gone down the divorce route before, now is not the time to play games. you are two grown adults, he needs to decide what he really wants.

you also need to decide what you really want too OP. dont think he has all the power in this, you have some as well. (take your power back!!! ) dont forget that. & dont beg for him to come back either, you are better than that. have a rational conersation and let him know where you stand. either he grows up or you gotta make the decision to walk away (if you so desire)

and I understand being upset, even yelling, but I cant stand it when Im in the car with someone who starts speeding out of anger. thats entirely too dangerous. Its happened to me before and I got so scared that I asked to get out of the car and did so twice, (I was within walking distance of my house and it was during daytime) if he wants to do that on his own, hey, you cant stop him, but with you in the car, not cool. consider addressing it. 

sorry this happened to you.

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