S/O – Ever Have A Guy Try To Buy Your Love?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

That situation is very odd to, on your first date? Maybe once you’re officially a couple he can start buying things every now and then but every single date when you’re just dating? That’s too much. FI buys me things every now and then and supports me financially when I need it but he knows he doesn’t need to buy my love, he would have it without those things and he has never tried to ‘buy my love’, never been with someone like that thank goodness.

Post # 4
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

FI just bought me flowers today. The flowers are beautiful but c’mon…I can’t eat flowers! My inner fat kid loved the Thin Mints he brought home WAAAAY more!

In the beginning though FI tried charming me with presents. He got me a diamond necklace the first Christmas we were together…and we had only been dating about a month. I felt so awkward and I think I hurt his feelings because I kept ignorning that little box under the tree he was so excited about. :/ It all turned out though and now it’s my favorite necklace 🙂

Post # 5
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I just feel like guys like that are expecting the woman to give them something in return, and quickly, sooner than maybe the woman would be comfortable with. A sort of ‘I bought you stuff so you have to give me what I want’ situation. I don’t know where I got that idea from, popular culture I suppose, it’s just the feeling I get with situations like you described with the guy you dated.

Post # 6
Member
3415 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Nope, but probably because prior to the first date I have always made it clear I can pay my own way!

Have I been given little thoughtful gifts? Yes. Chocolates, flowers etc.

Have I ever asked for a $500 watch instead of a $200 one? Or expected a gift worth over $1000 just because I had gifted a similar amount? Nup.

Post # 7
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Zhabeego:  My first date with my husband was soft-serve ice-cream on the beach because it was literally all he could afford. I didn’t get any gifts at all for a very long time because he could afford them. I think my first gift from him was my birthday the next year. Luckily gifts don’t bug me, it’s more the time I get to spend with him. Although I was rather annoyed this year that my birthday gift was bought the day before after we went shopping together so I could point out various things I liked…

Post # 8
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

When I was in my early 20ies, I dated a guy who hardly ever showed up without flowers, chocolates, a teddybear for my niece… They weren’t hugely expensive items but we were both students and it seemed like a lot to me. It was really, really sweet of him. He was just a really great and generous guy and he happened to come from a well to do family so he wasn’t quite as broke as I was. It did make me feel uncomfortable though and I asked him to stop because I couldn’t really reciprocate. 

I’m still not sure whether or not he was trying to buy my love – he was more into me than I was into him so maybe he just did it subconsciously. I doubt he would do something like that on purpose. Like I said, he was a great guy. Eventually I broke up with him because there was no “spark”, I only loved him as a friend and he really deserved more. I did worry though that he would end up with some gold digger because he was such a genuinely nice guy who never noticed people were taking advantage of his generosity. 

 

Post # 9
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Ugh, worse. I had a guy try to buy my MOTHER’S love! We were honestly both weirded out. He wanted so desperately to be a member of the family and win her approval, but she was put off by him trying so hard. 

Post # 10
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club

I dated a guy who was broke, but had a great job which confused (and worried) me. I figured it out soon enough when he started sending over-the-top gifts to me “just because”. I tried explaining how I’d rather have time with him and that gifts should always be proportional to the commitment of a relationship- to me, gifts in the $100 range were indicative of much more commitment than 3 dates! He did tone it down and things progressed. When we got more serious, he started again! I eventually explained that we should have a nest-egg for when times would get rough. That sent him into calling me a gold digger! I wasn’t asking for the money, but I was trying to encourage him to save it! His not being able to save made me realize that we did not have the same financial goals at all. 

Fortunately, that didn’t last and now I’ve met my sweet FI who will surprise me with thoughtful notes and occasional, appropriate gifts. I’ve learned that hearing a man talk about all of stuff his ex expected him to buy is more telling anout the man than about his exes! 

Post # 11
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I haven’t been in this situation. My SO and I do not have a whole lot of $$ right now as we are both currently students. However, I do have to be careful about casually saying I want something because he will just buy it! He doesn’t really have a lot of “fun” expenseses because he honestly doesnt really want much. So he wants to spend all his discretionary funds on me! I have to yell at him sometimes not to spend $400 on a birthday gift for me! I don’t need it!! 

Post # 12
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Zhabeego:  Yes and it totally weirded me out.  While I understand that the guy  was seeing had a decent amount of money (had a real estate company in Newport, CA), it made me super uncomfortable especially when the gifts were delivered to my work/in front of friends.  I think if the gifts had been smaller (i.e. some chocolates, 1 bouquet of flowers, etc), it wouldn’t have been as bad; however, getting a room full of flowers delivered after one date is not normal.  I personally feel that big ticket items (i.e. jewelry, vacations, etc) should be reserved for people in long term/serious relationships.  My husband loves to spoil me, but we’re married so I feel differently about it.

Post # 13
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

FH and I sort of went through something similar when we first started dating in uni. I’d been fairly financially independant for a few years by that point, as had he, but he always insisted on buying lunch, dinner, drinks, etc for both of us. I wanted to do the same now and again since we were both students, but he was really uncomfortable about it.

He finally admitted that he had always paid for everything in his last relationship, and the day she broke up with him he knew it was coming because she insisted on buying her own lunch. So every time I insisted on splitting the bill or picking it up completely, it sent him into a bit of a panic! 

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