Post # 1
My fiance and I got engaged in January and we let his family know that the wedding would be held in the States in my hometown. All of his siblings and his parents were so happy and willing to come to the wedding in May 2013. He has his brother and brother-in-law in the wedding party so it meant a lot for him that they were willing to travel far. We sent them a informational email in March telling them the date, approx. price for flights, putting them up with my family and friends or suggested hotels if they wanted to pay for that, we gave them all sorts of information. Now it’s almost 9 months after we’re engaged and they are telling us it’s too much stress for them to come over and we should just elope or have a reception all over again in New Zealand where most of his family lives ( about 6 of us live in Australia- more willing to travel to NZ though).
I’m just so confused and stressed on what to do now. If we should just
A) elope which we talked about in the beginning to save our familes from the hassle of travelling and picking sides
B)continue with our plan to get married in my hometown (a lot of things are booked already venue, florist, dj)
c) lower the cost of my hometown wedding and use the extra money to have something in NZ
d)not be bothered by it and if they come they come
Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.
Post # 3
Its a tough one, but I do understand how expensive it would be for them to fly from Australia to the US. Although its family…so its sticky..
I would say lower the cost of your hometown wedding, your guest list will already be smaller without his family attending. And then have a casual party in NZ. They dont care how spectacular it is, they just want to be able to celebrate it. Maybe have an officient do a quick service, ring blessing in NZ while theyre there as well..
Post # 4
What do you want? do you want to elope, or have a big beautiful wedding? Do what you want, I’m sure many of the family will decide to show up if they realize you aren’t going to cater to them. If you have it in your budget for a trip to NZ and want to go you could always go down and have a small celebration with his family then, its a perfect excuse to travel.
Post # 5
We’re in a similar situation, with families on different continents. We decided to elope. We talked about trying to do a wedding, but just thinking about all the stress that would engender (and family drama) is enough to give me heart palpitations.
If you and your FI would be okay eloping, go for it. If you would regret not having the wedding ceremony with your friends and family present, and the whole reception and everything, then you should stick to your original plan, and try to do a reception in NZ or Australia for the friends that can’t make it to the North American event.
Post # 6
At the moment our guest list for USA with 10 of his family members is 140
Post # 8
I say continue with your original plan and when you get to NZ have a family get-together where you can celebrate your recent marriage. They had more than a year to prepare for your wedding. I feel like if it was really important for them to come to their own son’s wedding they would have saved the money and would make the trip. It’s not like you sprung this on them last minute.
Post # 9
@MsLouella: Is the reason really “stress”? I don’t get what that means. Is this the first time these people have been out of the country?
To be honest, I would probably go ahead with the hometown reception. For 10 people, it seems like a waste to cancel now. Besides, your FI’s family had a chance to voice their concerns and instead waited 9 months to back out.
I guess it would come down to whether your FI would regret not having them there.
I don’t understand why the only options they are giving you are to elope (when you’ve already planned a wedding?!?) or throw TWO receptions. Perhaps, since they are demanding this (for 10 freaking people) they should offer to host a small event in NZ when you guys get back. It’s their decision not to come and, to me, the fact that they agreed and are now backing out, means that you don’t have to worry about throwing more events to make them feel better.
If it makes you feel better, that’s different…but I wouldn’t do this for them.
Post # 10
option 2 and 4 of the poll as esentially the same..
Post # 11
My husband is Australian, and we had the same situation. We got married in the US (where we live), and we don’t have any plans to have a reception in Australia — although I do expect that we’ll have a barbecue or some kind of information get-together next time we’re there, but nothing formal.
I’d do whatever makes the most sense for you guys. If you want to elope, do so, but not because it saves his family hassle. If you keep your US wedding, his family will come if they are financially able and/or make it a priority. The six (of 16) Aussies who came for our wedding had an incredible, once-in-a-lifetime vacation… I honestly think it was more than worth the price to them.
If it is truly out of their means (let’s face it, those fares are brutal!), you might want to try using some of your wedding budget to help with their travel expenses (we did this for two family members) instead of doing a reception in NZ (that could easily cost as much as a few plane fares)! If he’s not super close, perhaps you could Skype or live-stream the ceremony? We planned on this but couldn’t work out the logistics.
Post # 12
Live streaming is a great idea! After having long discussions with his parents and siblings two of his siblings and his parents are for sure coming to the States! yay! Yes, this is everyones first time in America and leaving NZ/Australia islands.
We’re just waiting to get his other sister and her family back on board coming to USA.