So…. FMIL talks behind our backs… And ONLY behind our backs!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
687 posts
Busy bee

How do these two women feel about her complaining? How do they respond? If they’re comfortable enough, they should ask her if she’s spoken to you guys about her “concerns.” If they’re not comfortable saying something like that, then there’s not much you can do without throwing them under the bus.

Your MIL is probably hoping that they’ll tell you what she said so she doesn’t have to. I would not indulge her in that kind of game or waste a second worrying about her opinion. If these things are that important to her then she can speak with you directly about them.

Post # 4
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

Why are your so-called friends telling you all this? I’m not sure why they’d even get involved and then run back to you with all these upsetting tidbits.

Post # 5
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ItWasntMe:  yea…I was thinking the same thing.   If I overhear stupid gossip I don’t run and tell my friends unless it’s something they really need to know.   Why upset them.   And if someone was directly complaining to me about stuff I would tell them to stop putting me in that position and bitch to someone else.

Honestly – her nail tech?   What is this?  Legally Blonde?

I wouldn’t talk to the mother.   Let her worry about what people think of her.   That’s her punishment for talking behind your back like a child.

Post # 6
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@ANGELaaimt:  Some women love to gossip. The cycle just gets worse when folks decide to repeat it. If it isn’t directly impacting your life, I wouldn’t care about it. Why does it matter what she thinks? As long as you and your FI are happy, that is all that is important.

Post # 7
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

How slimy! She’s saying it to your friends knowing it’ll get back to you! Yuck!

I would let her stew, and continue pretending that you are bissfully unaware and joyously planning your wedding!

Post # 10
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@ANGELaaimt:  I would just forget the gossip then and bring your main concern up to her – you want to have a good relationship with her and have good communication with her. Nothing ever changes unless the people actually involved talk it out and reach some kind of resolution. You don’t have to say, “I heard x from so and so” but you could say, “I’d really love to get your feedback on the wedding. We want to accomodate everyone.” That will only work if you actually do want to accomodate everyone and will actually address her concerns/issues. If you aren’t going to change what you’re doing anyway, then there’s no point.

Post # 12
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@ANGELaaimt:  🙂

I really think it is the best approach. If someone has been talking badly about you, they are going to fell pretty shitty when you approach them so positively and honestly to say that you want a relationship with them and are asking what you can do to improve that relationship. I really do find this approach disarms people and because they are so surprised you even asked (usually people just continue the trend of gossip and the two parties involved never even speak), they are honest with you.

Instead of seeing it as negative, try seeing it as a way to make your relationship with her better 🙂

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