Post # 1
I’m going anonymous for this post because I don’t want my identity being compromised and family reading this!
So FI and I have been engaged for a year now and recently FSIL and FBIL became engaged. I wasn’t mad (why should I be?) because everyone deserves their special moment and I’m so happy for them. Until a few days ago… I learned that their wedding would be before ours. What the hell??? Is that taboo or something? It was fine that they got engaged but now they want to get married all of a sudden? I’m not trying to be a crybaby but it just sucks that the fun in planning with her (she is one of my BMs) and everyone is gone because now all of a sudden she has to go and get married. Am I wrong for being upset? Other family members have mentioned to her to wait but no, she wants it when she wants it. It sucks. What do I do? Just get over it? It’s not like I can really say anything anyway. I’m not about to make our relationship a bad one.
Post # 3
@anon_bee123: No it is not taboo. There is no law dictating when ANYONE gets married. It’s not even mentioned in the Bible (“Thou shalt not marry nefore someone who gets engaged before you”….I checked, not in there)
And if that’s all you need to “suck the fun” out of your wedding planning, well, i’m not sure what to say about that.
Post # 4
@anon_bee123: rationally, some people have short engagements because they are ready to just be married already.
If this was the other way around, would you put your life on hold and wait untill after they get married To tie the knot yourself? If it wasn’t about finances and planning, but strictly timing, you’d 100% put your plans on hold so they can have their year?
Post # 5
I don’t really see how this affects your wedding … I mean, it’s like this for everybody who gets married : they do it when they want, and when it fits their schedule, and they are not obliged to wait for others who were engaged before they did to get married before they do. Wouldn’t planning for both your weddings be fun ? You could share tips and tricks. After all, it’s probably not going to look alike, is it ? It is a decision you made to have a longer engagement, due to whatever reason. It is their decision to get married when they think the time is right, and if they can afford to do it sooner, they can. I’m sure nobody did this to upset you, even if family members suggested they wait. But being in the same boat as her, you surely understand the ”rush”/feeling of excitement that comes with getting engaged. I think everybody would love ”all of a sudden” to get married, but we don’t have the same finances, professionnal/academic schedules and/or timeline.
Post # 6
@anon_bee123: I think if you are having a two year long engagement that it is expected that some will marry before you.
Post # 7
Unfortunately, just like you picked when you wanted to get married, she is picking when she wants to get married.
Maybe they have a specific time of year they wanted, and it was convenient for them.
I am sure they didn’t do it to annoy you!
My aunty is getting married one month before me, in another state, and that’s highly inconvenient for us because we have so much to do… but that’s her choice and we are still going!
Post # 9
No rule saying she can’t. And like you have chosen to have a long engagement, she has chosen to have a short one. That’s the fun part about weddings: we get to choose what works best for us.
The only person who can make the planning no longer fun is you if you choose to have a bad attitude about the whole thing. This is a positive, there is now someone who you can talk to about wedding details that no one else cares about.
Post # 10
If she was going to be helping you plan your wedding before she was engaged/had a date set, then what if you just think of it now as you can go through the planning process together! And as a bonus for you, you can learn from any mistakes or issues she has with her wedding and take that as a lesson for planning your own wedding!
Post # 11
This isn’t rude at all. You aren’t getting married for another year. A lot of people don’t want to wait that long to get married. I think it’s completely reasonable for them to get married before you. There isn’t a rule saying that you have to get married in the order you get engaged.
Post # 12
@anon_bee123: well I see how it could be annoying…but at the same time if she wants a summer wedding (which the majority of people do) then she either has to go before yours (which looks like sept) or else wait almost 2 full years? Thats not entirely fair either. Right now theres still plenty of time for someone to plan a summer wedding (even if they get engaged up until late fall)…..so its kinda harsh to say no can go before you if your wedding is technically in the fall, that means no one else can have a summer wedding.
know what I mean?
Post # 13
While I can agree with everyone else on them having the right to get married whenever they want, I can understand your frustration/dilemma. It’s not like you WANTED to have this “bad attitude” about it or anything, but you just feel like someone is stepping on your toes so to speak, and that doesn’t feel good either. It’s a defense mechanism. It’s not your fault it happened that way, and you have every right to feel however you feel about the situation. My only advice is just try not to obsess over their big day, but rather just stay focused on YOURS and try to stay positive about things. Your day will be amazing, regardless of everyone else’s plans. 🙂
Post # 14
@anon_bee123: Sorry but, people get married and plan their lives on a different schedule than you do. Is it ok to be upset? Sure. Is there anything you can do about it? No.
We got engaged 1 year before our wedding, after dating for 9 years. Between our day of engagement and the wedding day, literally 2 of our friends and my cousin got engaged and married before us. It happens. Other than being happy for them, there is nothing you can/should do about it.