Post # 1
So …. Since I am supposedly getting married this November, I would really like to actually book the venue, photographer, caterer, etc…. I was pretty sure that FI and I had hashed out all the details (even the little ones!). We were both excited and let family know the “big” plans. And then …. His mother calls. She wants to know if more people (60 more people, to be exact) can attend the wedding if she and his dad (divorced) split the costs.
How about him saying “No, Mom. The venue where missblueshoes and I met does not hold that many people.” or “No, Mom. We’ve already checked and there are absolutely no hotel rooms in town the night before the wedding date …. Literally none.” or “No, Mom. We have so much on our plate the next few months that a small wedding is really the only option.”
Oh no. He didn’t say any of that. Instead he says …. “Well, I guess. Talk to Dad and see if he’s willing.” Wow.
What on earth did we just spend hours planning? Why am I holding contracts that are for a small group of only 20-something immediate family members and closest friends? What part about “there are NO hotel rooms”, “the venue does not hold over 30 people”, “between April and August I am literally not available to plan a big event” did he/they not get?
I’m just so frustrated right now.
Post # 3
Oh geez…why do guys not think sometimes?!?!
You guys need to talk it out and go back to his mom and just say sorry but no.
Good luck 🙁
Post # 4
You need to talk to him about this. He can’t make decisions like this without you, especially when you both had previously decided on the details.
Have you already booked and paid deposits at the venue you had previously selected? Are there no nearby towns/cities that have hotels you could use? If these things are done and there are no other options, you need to get your FI to tell his mom before she starts telling everyone that they are invited.
While I do think it is very generous that your FMIL and FFIL are willing to contribute to the wedding, you need to figure out if a larger wedding is even feasible at this point. Talk to your Fi and hopefully you get this worked out soon!
Post # 5
I’m so sorry to hear this. : ( There’s a huge difference between a small, intimate wedding of just 20 people and one with 80 guests. If you really want the small one, stick with that decision. It is really considerate that your FMIL offered to pay for some, but a bigger budget doesn’t overrule what you want for your wedding.
We’re inviting 30 people to our wedding and I am so excited about its intimacy (and the fact that I can see/hang out with all of the guests). There were awkward times when people said they couldn’t wait to attend the wedding and I had to tell them they’re not invited, but because it’s small and intimate, they (mostly) understood.
We’re going to record the ceremony and make a “documentary” of sorts, then burnt it on cds and send that to friends/distant family who are not invited. This way, they’ll be able to witness our big day, but at a later date.
And talk to your FI about this. Communication is key – hard sometimes, but so important. No big decisions shall be made until they are run by both of you!
Hugs and best wishes!
Post # 6
that would be crazy! I cannot imagine it and was glad Mr. Rabbit’s mom has been super cool about the wedding and called ahead of time to check about her 6 friends she’s inviting. Adding 60 is insane and you may want to tell her yourself the very good reasons you have for a small guestlist.