- 6 years ago
I just got off the phone with my fiance and I am feeling frustrated. We got engaged two weekends ago and this past weekend I gathered some literature on the church and some venues. When I asked him how he felt he explained that his cousin is getting married this fall (two weeks from the date we could have had) and his family might not like the idea of having to go to two weddings. Based on the venues, some available dates are October 13, October 27, November 24th remaining for this year, or June 29th next year, and some remaining summer dates. On Sunday we went to look at a hall (empty—didn’t meet anyone) which was his idea, and then in the car he said “My parents strongly suggest that we wait at the very least one year until we get married.” I am very frustrated because I feel that when I ask him his opinion, he always answers with what his family would think. They are no secret in making their opinions known and I believe that when he was having dinner at my house on Sunday, he was talking to his mom on the phone and explained we were going to look at a hall. But I can’t say for sure, but he was in my basement for about 20 minutes while we all waited for him. Before that, he was enthuaistic about considering October. He still lives at home and is 31, I am 25. The same thing happened early in our relationship when I explained to him that I loved him so much that I could see him at the end of the aisle. He answered, “if my parents knew how serious we are getting, they would have a heart attack”. My boyfriend has OCD. We have been to a doctor many times who explains that his OCD affects his decision making. Tonight he flipped back and forth about an October or June wedding. He kept saying, I am looking at this from a practical point of view. Every decision has its pros and cons. No decision is perfect. I see October as too soon and June as too far. But wait, it looks like June is the best option.
We live in different cities and I find it difficult because if we wait until June it feels so much longer because we are farther apart. My fiance is perfectly content with getting a motel in my city every weekend to be together, but not in his because he is a teacher. Because I am in a small town, it makes me very uncomfortable. He is willing to go on as many vacations as we can to be together and find ‘some creative way’ of being together, rather than get married sooner. His family tends to take longer to make decisions, whereas my family told us they would support us regardless of when we want to get married.
I feel like he doesn’t view the situation in the same way as me. I am willing to make sacrifices even in living arrangements and to postpone a honeymoon if it meant I could start my life with my fiance. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, wake up and fall asleep next to him, cook for him, share new experiences, and more. I miss him when I am not with him………..
I feel so frustrated. He told me we are not getting anywhere, and told me to have a good night and goodbye 🙁