(Closed) so frustrated. is this okay?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: would you be okay with this?
    no its inapropriate : (74 votes)
    62 %
    yes, hes young and just having fun : (33 votes)
    28 %
    other (explain) : (13 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1458 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    I think that’s very typical for a guy in his early 20s, honestly. Of course not every guy is like that, but I’d say the vast majority are. I think as long as he’s not cheating or doing anything illegal, it’s fine. Going out once or twice a week isn’t that bad.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3773 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    I guess at at least he is being safe and you say he is in his early twenties, so this isn’t too far out of the norm. If it bothers you that you wake up and he’s not home, maybe he could text you when he is not able to make it home and let you know where he is staying or call for a ride home. I don’t think what he is doing is that big of a deal, but I think the two of you need to find a way that both of you are on the same page about it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2725 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    If you have voiced that this isn’t something you are ok with and he does it anyway then it’s disrespectful. 

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    If it is bothering you that much, than it is a problem. It sounds like a big part of the problem is that you get worried- if he’s not back by six in the morning of course you are going to be worried if he’s okay! Maybe if you frame it in this way- the keeping you up, the worrying you- he will understand. Even if he doesn’t stop entirely, maybe he can cut back to once or twice a month and text you if he’s going to be out past a certain time. That way if you wake up, its 4 am, you can check your phone and be reassured he’s okay.

    As for me, it would bother me because it would be completely out of character for my FI, so I would know that something was up. Once in a blue moon he’ll go out until 2ish (our bars close at 1:30 here) with some friends, but thats it. Niether of us are really partiers, so it seems inappropriate to me- but I’m not sure I can comment on it in that respect since its just so different from my personality.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2651 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I voted other and here’s why.   You guys are I am assuming close to the same age as me the 21-25 range.  Absolutely NONE of our friends have settled down  and they all go out all night. When we do go out it is not realistic to expect the other back untill at least 4am.  

    Now that beIng said , because of our lifesituation we make it out Mabey once or twice a month.

    We have ground rules too. Like if we have work or some other commitment the next day we won’t go out, or at least be back by 1-2am. If we have plans with each other  then don’t even think aboutgoing.

    Maturity wise he mIght be at a different place than you.  If yOu can wait it out, he MIGHT get it eventually but you might have to take a serious look at your relationshiP and see if you want to stick around for him to mellow out. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I will sometimes go out with a friend and stay and her house because I don’t want to drive.  And I’m 30 haha.  It only happens less than once a month though, so I don’t think that’s too crazy.  It’s the frequency that would bother me and mostly just because that means that’s less time he’s spending with me.  Also, he defintely needs to calling you and letting you know he won’t be home!

    Post # 9
    Member
    567 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I think that if it is a problem with you and you have said that, then it is not okay.  I think it is something you two should talk about.

    I’ll let you know that both my FI and I were like that in our early 20s.  And even into our mid twenties.  We started dating when I was 25 and he was 27, and even then we both did that for the first part of relationship.

    Things have since changed, but we kind of changed together.  I know for a fact that I just got tired of that kind of lifestyle, and made a change.  I probably would have made that change with our without FI.  I can’t say for sure that your SO will change, but given the fact he’s in his early twenties, I bet he will.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    12833 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would be fine with it, but you clearly are not.  And if you’re not fine with it, then it’s a problem that needs to be addressed.  Your SO should be fully invested in your relationship and with that, comes the requirement that he respect you.  By doing something that hurts you so much, he’s disrespecting your relationship.  Good luck!

    Post # 11
    Member
    9825 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    It sounds a little excessive, but I know when I was in my early 20’s good luck telling me if and when I could go out.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Sounds like he’s exceptionally immature.

    Post # 13
    Member
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Unfortunately I think this is totally ‘normal’ for this age, I know I was raging pretty hard during these years.  BUT!  I also wasn’t in a relationship.  Have you ever asked him to simply call and let you know that he won’t be home say, by 2am?  That way you could at least know that he’s safe somewhere.

    Post # 14
    Member
    323 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I do not think that is out of the norm for a 21 year old guy to go out partying with his boys until all hours of the morning. If you trsut him 100% this should not be an issue. The only problem is the fact that you are worrying. You should have him text you that he is ok and if he cannot make it home. 

    He may be at a different point in the relationship as you, if you force him to give up seeing his boys and partying and he’s too young; like a child he will rebel against you and this is going to cause more turmoil in your relationship.

    Try and compromise, maybe not going out as frequently but don’t try and control him, as you will most likely lose him; especially if his friends aren’t in the committed relationship that you guys are in.

    Post # 16
    Member
    7904 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    In early and mid 20s, I would be fine with this. If you were married, I would expect that to shift the behavior a bit, but not totally, because his friends are doing these things and he wants to be with his friends, which is fair. As you both get older, thie behavior will go away on its own.

    The topic ‘so frustrated. is this okay?’ is closed to new replies.

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