Post # 1
FH works 80 hours a week and we have only had one night of alone time in the last week and a half. He was finally off all day today and free tonight, and I had a work meeting. We never know exactly how long it will go, but I told him it should end between 7 and 8. He told me to call him as soon as I leave work because he might not be home, and he would head home then. We ha talked about how this was the first time we got to hang out in a week, and how we would finally get some “intimate time”, sorry if TMI. I got out at 7:20, and called him. He told me he wasn’t heading home right away, because he was having dinner with a friend of ours 30 minutes from home. (He had told me this was the plan before, but was supposed to be earlier). I figured that since he knew I could be getting home as late as 7:20, an hour would be a reasonable time to expect him home. He just texted me (8:45) and said he was just heading home. So after almost no time together for the past week, he just wasted an hour and a half, so won’t get home til 9:15, and we try to be in bed by 10:30. I am so irritated with him, and it makes me not want to spend any time with him since he doesn’t value our time together. It also made my interest in having sex stop, and I feel like punishing him. Am I being unreasonable? Please give me a reality check! Thanks.
Post # 3
Ugh that’s so frustrating! My husband and I don’t have a lot of time toghet either since we work full time and go to school. I wouldn’t have sex with him if you aren’t into it.
Post # 4
Um, it sucks, but what’s he supposed to do–call his friend up on his way to dinner and say, “hey i promised my wife i’d be home earlier, i gotta cancel on ya?!”
No–it just doesn’t work like that. Make another set of plans. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out. He’d already planned on dinner, it happened later than expected, and your plans got thrown off. It really sucks, but it happens–don’t be too hard on him. Set aside “date night” and don’t make any dinmner plans with friends!!!!
I know i go to happy hours with my girlfriends sometimes and my scheduling of them is never spot on unfortunately. Just tell him he owes you a full evening next time. Don’t force the sex if you’re crabby–nobody wins!
Post # 5
I see both sides of the situation here!
I understand your frustration and how it must make you feel like he doesn’t value your time together.
But at the same time if he works 80 hours a week I bet he doesn’t get a lot of time with his friends either. Sometimes dinner with friends takes longer than expected. Maybe he had to wait for the friend to get to the restaurant.
DH and I also don’t get a lot of time together because I work days and he works nights and sometimes I get frustrated and snappy with not seeing him. Try and discuss this with him calmly I am sure he has an explanation.
Post # 6
I don’t think you are being unreasonable, but I’m against the punishment idea. My SO and I struggle to find time together; he’s a fireman/emt and I’m working while going to night time grad school. We’ve been in your spot many times.
There is nothing wrong with expressing that you are unhappy and how that affects your desire to spend “special time” with him. The SO and I go over what our week looks like and then commit to spend one of the open time slots together. We don’t make any other plans, but on the rest of the days if we have open time we give that to our friends or family.
So far this has work out really well for us, I hope it helps.