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May I ask the cost of the bridesmaid dresses?
I would call that friend and give her a chance to respond. Some people never check/respond to emails.
@Bostongrl25: ugh I don't remember how much he quoted me. I checked to find the email and can't find it. But it's a little over $100.
Sounds frustrating. However, it really isn't any of your business how your friends spend their money. You mentioned there is one gal that you're not happy about. If that's the case, why did you ask her to be a BM?
@Birdie Love: because I asked her to be my bridesmaid after she indicated she wanted to be really good friends with FI and I. She was a previous roommate of his and I had thought about asking her to be in my wedding because I didn't have a lot of friends. She's been stupid since then.
I know it's not my place, but if they can't order their dresses on time because they aren't spending their money right, it's making me anxious.
Oh thats not bad!! I was expecting you to say $200++. But around $100 is totally normal.
I hope your friends come around :( Good luck!
@Bostongrl25: oh no way! I know that they are broke so I got a dress that was around the nicest cheap looking one at DB. It's not from DB but it's in the same price range. I really tried to find a pretty one but something super pretty.
I know some people are going to comment on you talking about your girls going on vacation and that not being any of your buisness blah blah blah (hopefully this will deter them). But I totally feel your frustration! Out of 4 of my BMs, only one (my MOH) bought her dress... I wanted my girls to get their dresses really early because it takes a while for it to come in and I will only be in FL for so long and I wanted to see them in the dresses... It kinda sucks but I am willing to cut everyone and just have my MOH be by my side.
im with BirdieLove. it sucks, but it really isn't any of your business what she's spending her money on. I stand by the theory that you never really know someone's financial situation- even if you think you do.
@MrsNeutrino:which is what I'm feel right now. Yes, it might not be my business but why should I be stressed if you don't have the money?
We are kindred spirits! Haha. Actually, all of my bridesmaids did order their dresses, but I have had problems with several of them complaining about cost, not responding to things in a timely manner, and being disrespectful. I had one bridesmaid call me the day before the dress order was due to say she didn't have the money. Yet, she had just bragged on facebook about her "$3,000 tax return--time to go SHOPPING!" about a week prior. When I asked her where all her tax money went, she admitted she's had photographs taken, purchased a lot of MAC makeup, and entered a pricey pageant. The dress was $200 (I paid for shoes and jewelry), so it would have been a small chunk from that amount. I had to twist her arm to get the money in...
I would say that many girls love the idea of being a bridesmaid--standing by their friend on the wedding day, getting all gussied up for the wedding, going to showers and bachelorette parties--but most really don't like the logistics of being a bridesmaid. Paying for dresses and gifts, ordering, getting sized, responding to emails...many girls see this as an inconvenience. I don't think they mean to be bad friends or go into the wedding intent on making your life miserable, I just think they realize halfway through that being a bridesmaid is WORK lol.
Instead of telling her she's out, offer it to her. Just call and say you feel terrible about the cost that she's incurring to be a bridesmaid. Considering her financial struggles, you can see why it would be a burden. You don't want her to sacrifice her financial well-being for you. This dress is just the first of several upcoming costs (showers, bach parties, wedding lodging, etc.) so you want to offer her the opportunity to step aside. No hard feelings, you can find someone else and if it means a lot for her to be in the wedding, she can be an honor attendant. This requires no extra money, she can just seat people as they arrive, or read something during the ceremony (or whatever task you come up with). If you're lucky, she'll agree and step aside and you won't be the bad guy. If she insists she's fine, I think that gives you a little more latitude to be assertive with her in the future about deadlines.
@SweetRose2011: it is none of your buisness but your wedding is your buisness and THEY CAN'T AFFORD THEIR DRESSES. They agreed to be a BM, you went out of your way to pick a dress that was average cost, you told them way in advanced, and they STILL don't have it. It really pisses me off. I have asked my girls for timeframes when they think they can get the dress. 1 told me in about a month, I am waiting for next month to tell her to buy it again, another one told me she would buy it a month ago! (who is also another of my MOHs) and then she said the week after and then when that week came she said that things came up :-/ Its her bday this week so I am just waiting for some time to pass.. I will prob ask both the girls next month. I know things come up.. but apparently things have been coming up for months and months now. If they couldn't afford it, they should have declined. Now I am put in a position to be the bad person and ask them to step down. THANK god for my MOH
Good luck with this! I would definately give her the benefit of doubt and find out if she got the information, that way if you do have to cut her- it can't be blamed on you. If you follow up and give her every motivation, then it's on her. I would also be a bit angry about how they are spending their money- I know that its "none of your business" but it is. They said they would be bridesmaids, and they knew walking in what the financial responsibility would be. If they dont have the money to do it, they should have told you up front and tried to work something out. I was broke for my best friends wedding, and couldnt afford some of the pampering that she wanted us to have, so she helped pay- but I also wasnt wasting my money and I talked to her about it way in advance. So. Good luck. Just try to not stress too much about them. It will all work out.
Does this email sound ok to give her an out?:
So I've been thinking and I remember you telling me about your financial situation a few months ago when you lost your apartment. I feel really bad that you've had to go through all of this and I would hate for you to have to spend money you might not be able to afford on a wedding dress you might wear just once. It's not that I don't want you in my wedding, I just don't want you to feel like you have to make a huge sacrifice to be in my wedding. If you think you can afford the dress and all of that don't feel you have to leave. I just thought I would offer you an out in case what I asked was too much. Please get back to me as soon as you can about this.
My BM's were kind of jerks about this stuff too, like getting boob jobs and buying dresses for the bachelorette party before paying me back for the dresses. I suggest you just front the money and let it go, thats what I did and it saved me a lot of heart ache
@kingytobe: but there is no way I can afford all of that money. I hope that doesn't sound pretentious but that's like $500 for all four of them. And I can't give that right now. We are on a tight budget and I've been thinking about giving them jewelry for the day of.
Man, I hope that doesn't sound so mean.
@SweetRose2011: that doesn't sound mean at all, you can afford what you can afford.. can't change that! I wish I had some sort of advice!Maybe when you order at the end of may, tell her you need half the money or whatever she has and don't tell the rest of the girls, just have them pay themselves?
@kingytobe:What if I offered her an out like someone else previously mentioned?
This would be the potential email I could send her:
So I've been thinking and I remember you telling me about your financial situation a few months ago when you lost your apartment. I feel really bad that you've had to go through all of this and I would hate for you to have to spend money you might not be able to afford on a wedding dress you might wear just once. It's not that I don't want you in my wedding, I just don't want you to feel like you have to make a huge sacrifice to be in my wedding. If you think you can afford the dress and all of that don't feel you have to leave. I just thought I would offer you an out in case what I asked was too much. Please get back to me as soon as you can about this.
@SweetRose2011: Is there any way you can have the conversation in person or on the phone? I think your email is fine, but I know it's tricky with email since it doesn't always come across right. I just wouldn't want it to be misconstrued if it were me.
I feel your pain, too. It sucks.I'm going tomorrow to buy the dress for one of my BMs who recently spent $5oo on a completely unnecessary purchase.
I had a similar situation with a BM who said she couldn't afford to pay for the dress (and she had to travel 3 hours to come into town, there wasn't a salon near her who sold the designer)
I wouldn't single ONE bm out, making her feel bad. What I did was send an email/message to the entire group of bridesmaids/maid of honor giving the specifics of how much the dress will cost, how much they need to put down to order it, discount for paying in full, the deadline for ordering, and all the other necessary info.
I told them that they should let me know if they can't pay for it, order it, etc, or if they decide they can't be a BM anymore. I think it went something like this: Hey girls! I'm just writing you an email about the dresses!
If you're still interested in being a bridesmaid, the dresses MUST be ordered before Jan 31. That's the deadline for them to arrive on time from the salon. If you can't meet this, I fully understand, and while I want all of you to be with me that day, it's okay if you can't. I'll still love you 100%! etc.
@M.Ruder:I wish I would've thought to email them a mass email like that saying that if they couldn't still be one I understood, but I didn't. I'm worried sending one now might be weird.
I get what you're saying. A few of my BMs never respond to e-mails or facebook, or anything really. It's completely annoying. It's not that they can't respond because they don't check it, it's that they don't feel like responding. My wedding is in two months and two of my BMs haven't even gotten their dress yet. I'm tired of bothering them about it, so if July comes and they don't have dresses... they'll have to sit down as regular guests. I don't want to be mean, but I want all my BMs to have the same dress on at the altar and in my pictures. It's not my fault they have not responded. Oh well.
One of my BMs still doesn't have her dress and my wedding is also in 2 months. @kperry3 I agree with you, I decided I'm just going to forget about it, if she gets the dress in time then she gets it, if not then oh well. I figure I have too much else to worry about.
Luckily the dresses are from JCrew so they are fairly easy to order and quick to ship.
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Sometime at the beginning of the year (most likely January) I told all of the girls that they needed to get their dresses around May. I told them that that would give them enough time to get them in and to make sure they fit and everything. I told them all this then because I knew some of the would be tighter on money and I didn't want them to not be able to afford it when the time came to get the dresses. I tried my best to find something not too expensive but it's really hard in our area.
Anyways, around a month ago I sent a mass email to my four bridesmaids stating that they had until the END of May to go get sized. After all the girls get sized the store manager said he would send the order out. I told him that I was worried about one of the girls not coming in that month and if she didn't that just call me and she would be out of the wedding (I've had so many issues with this girl not being a nice/good friend it's unbelievable. She's lucky I haven't snapped at her yet--and I know that might sound mean but yikes!)
Steven's sister came over yesterday for a while and looks at me and says "what's the deal with these bridesmaid dresses?" So I said, "Well, just make sure to go in by the end of May to go get sized and they'll send in the order as soon as the last girl goes in." She says, "Well, I was wondering if I could go in the beginning of June (like the first or second week). I'm completely broke right now." I said yes because I didn't know what else to say but seriously.
She's going on vacation in two weeks. And she's always spending money on vacations and fixing up the house she bought. I told them all so early so this could be avoided. I told them they could even wear their own silver shoes and whatever jewelry so it would be cheaper...nothing.
The girl I told you I was worried about not getting her dress? She hasn't responded to the email either and I have no idea if she plans on going. All on Facebook she keeps making these comments like she's going on vacation to Florida in two weeks but she just called me the other day to tell me that they lost their apartment and just filed for bankruptcy. wtf. How can you afford to go on vacation? If she doesn't get fitted she's out, I promised myself. But should I bother to call/text her and see if she got the information I sent?