Post # 1
Ugh so I posted yesterday about my FIL now not coming for Christmas. I am just so ticked off at my DH, we had a big blow out about it last night, I finally let out all my feelings, I feel like I’ve been running around for the last few months trying to make everything great for his father’s visit, getting the upstairs and guestroom “liveable” spening tons of money on a stupid Christmas menue that obviously my DH doesn’t care about and thinks it’s no big deal, I’ve had the Christmas table set for the last month and I am just so bummed out. I’m over the fact that my FIL isn’t coming but I am pissed that my DH is acting like I am in the wrong for having my feelings hurt over his father not coming.
My DH has sulking like crazy ever since Thanksgiving because of his mother and sister situation, not for the matter of wanting a relationship with him, but just that Holidays just bring up a sour feeling for him, which I totally understand, and everyone has been so caring towards him, my family is doing whatgever they can to try and make up for this lose by really pampering the heck out of him, and I feel like frankly he is being a brat now. I know it’s hard with issues with his mom and sister, but I also went through it too, I also don’t have those amazing MIL and SIL relationships, not a fun memory knowing that your MIL attached you the day before your wedding. The relationships that I do try to make with his father get brushed off as no big deal, I’ve never once tried to take away from the hurt he feels with his family but I wish for a second he would relize that I am hurt too, my family treats him like the son they never had, they shower him with gifts and love, I don’t get that so for damn sake if I am upset because I put 110% into tryint to make his Christmas special for him and HIS father than he should show a little compassion and not get mad at me for being upset.
Ugh I am sorry I just went off in a total rant, I’m just annoyed.
Post # 3
I think I understand where your DH is coming from. Your situation reminds me of my stupid issue with my FFIL. He is an ass to put it plain and simple. I have been the ONLY person in FI’s ENTIRE family who has shown him any respect. FMIL left him because she was being physically and mentally abused. The other kids, after growing up have left him as well for the same reason. (They were being physically abused.) I could go on and onnnnnn about his wrongdoings.
Anyway, once FFIL called me and I didn’t answer the phone. He called FI and complained to him that I do not show him any respect and he hates that about me. WTF?!?!
That totally pissed FI off. I, on the other hand, tried to play it cool like “no big deal”, “that’s the way he is”, etc.
But FI then got pissed at ME!!! Which is what your DH is doing with you. FI’s reason was (which he oozed out MUCH LATER after we had huge blow outs), that he absolutely HATED the way his father was treating me or thinking of me. He said he knows how politely I speak to his father.
FI lashed out at me because he REALLY wanted to see me feel hurt. Sounds twisted? That’s what I thought too. Sure they were hurt, I was just hiding them so FI’s feelings are not hurt seeing me being hurt. But FI said he really didn’t want me to pretend the way I was. He wanted me to get angry and say and do all the things people do when they are angry. He wanted my hurt to be let out. He couldn’t bear the thought of me having taken so much trouble for his dad (if I start listing all the times I bent over backwards to help this stupid guy, it will take forever!) and get a proverbial slap in return.
He dislikes his father for all the bad things he has done in the past. FI is the only one of the children who believes he can change his father and make him see the light. (Yea right!) and when FFIL does stupid things like that, FI feels like he somehow failed to help his father. And since he blames himself, he should be punished by my anger and resentment.
Post # 4
@Sasha2011: FI lashed out at me because he REALLY wanted to see me feel hurt. Sounds twisted? That’s what I thought too.
So my husband and I have been having some huge disagreements about the way his family treats him and i am (like you FI) WAY more upset about it then him, almost irrationaly and DH, nothing, he is always polite and explain excuses away for his familys behaviour…it drives me NUTS. So i can see where your FI is coming from. I know he doesnt want to see you hurt, just like i dont want to see my DH hurt…i think its more of a “we are on the same page right” “im not being rediculous right??!!” I dont know…just my thought.