- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
Just a quick note to say HI! I have been off the bee since very early this year to save myself from having a mental breakdown.
The TTC and subsequently for a very short moment Pregnancy boards became like a drug to me late last year into this one. I couldn’t pull myself away. In real life everyone around me was getting pregnant…friends, family, co-workers…many on their first try and even some who were not trying. And unlike me, they were all picture perfect pregnancies…no one was miscarrying, like I did.
On top of that blow and a suddenly AWOL period, I marched myself right into my gyno’s office one late April day and insisted on testing and referral to an RE. And she didn’t want to give it to me. Fought me tooth and nail and even stomped out of the room like a 6 year old when our consultation was over and she had ordered everything I wanted. She insisted there was NOTHING wrong with me and negated my argument of us reaching a year of TTC because technically I got pregnant in October.
Fast forward several emotionally/socially/mentally taxing months later…as I sat through showers, visited precious new babies born to parents who can’t possibly begin to understand how utterly incredibly lucky they are…and I am back.
As it turns out, my husband had severe morephology issues and I have some inconclusive findings…with his results being so bad, there was no point in putting me through the ringer, IVF was the straight choice. One definite finding for me was my wahcked out thyroid which for YEARS I have felt was amiss and no doctor took me seriously. So gratifying to be right…even in these awful circumstances.
Through ups and downs along the way with my clinic and nurse, after our very first IVF cycle complete with a fresh 6 day transfer, I am currently 6 weeks, 3 days pregnant.
It has been awfully hard convincing myself that all is and will be well. I have had many a Debbie Downer moment much to my husband’s chagrin. And after a major bleeding eposide yesterday – I would have bet a million dollars I was 100% out of the game.
At our already planned monitoring visit this morning my RE showed me so differently, having my husband and I listen to our precious baby’s heartbeat not once but twice since, as she claims, I clearly didn’t believe her the first time. I never saw the heartbeat, she didn’t show us but I heard it and have US pics complete with those gorgeous waves on the bottom.
This will be an incredibly long 8ish more months given what I have been through but words cannot express the overwhelming joy I have. Putting all I have on faith, hoping and praying all will be well and that this is my turn.
Since I quietly returned a week or so ago…out of curiosity whether there was a May 2014 board already…I’ve been seeing the names of some of the women who were on the roller coaster with me late last year and early this one. I see some have had babies or are pregnant now and I’m sure there are some who may still be feeling lost. I hope, regardless of the stage of your journey, you all are well and I’m looking forward to catching back up!