- 2 years ago
I’m sorry if this has been asked before but I also need to vent. My boyfriend and I are living together and we’re still in college. He is amazing and wonderful and we have absolutely no problems with each other. On the other hand his mother, which I first thought was really cool and nice, is making me really uncomfortable. She has borderline and and is not in theraphy or whatever,lives alone, and until recently she also couldn’t go out because of her panic attacks. From the beginning she has been so nice to me so when my boyfriend said he sometimes can’t stand her I couldn’t really understand it. But now I definitely get what he means because she has absolutely no boundaries and is constantly wanting things from us; like picking up heavy stuff from Ikea that is really far(we don’t have a car), doing her grocery shopping(which I’m completely fine with), returning her whatever to a really far place etc. You know I could live with those things because well she can’t go out, what’s she gonna do? The things that really bug me are the following:
-She wants us to come over to her place more than once a week.
-She wants us to “take our time” when we’re there.
-She gets really mad at us when we are late.
-She is trying to manipulate my boyfriend by putting him on guilt trips such as- if it was my mother I would visit her everyday and try to convince her to go out because I’ve been such a great mom.(she also tends to drink a lot so the one time we went out with her to the movies she made us go into a bar and and got pretty drunk which made my boyfriend really uncomfortable because it reminded him of the times she used to abuse alcohol and self harm)
-She thinks it’s not fair that she has to wait to be invited to come to our place, which brings us to the event that lead me to write this here today. So recently she is finding it easier to go out, which I am really happy about because it must be so bad having to be home all the time. She has visited our place before but at those times my bf had to go pick her up and bring her back. Up until today I always pushed my boyfriend to be more forgiving and understanding since I thought she was unable to understand her actions due to her condition. This morning she called my boyfriend and said hey what are you doing today and my boyfriend said I don’t know we’ll go to the library she was like when, and when my bf said he doesn’t know she said ok, I’m coming to your place now. And then she came. Like wtf isn’t this really rude? If it was earlier I would have thought that she just doesn’t know but I now think that she’s perfectly aware that she is being rude and she just thinks “well, fuck them! they have to do it because I’m the mom”. Normally I consider myself as a nice person but today combined with everything makes me feel like I’m being taken for a fool. She even asked me: “am I disturbing you guys?” and of course I said no, and then she asked “what’s there for lunch?” like I literally woke up 30 mins ago and I have the flu with a bit of a fever and I had to cook, during which she came into the kitchen to do dishes even though I asked her not to, and she suggested new ways of organizing all the dishes. She also does this with our room. When I tell my boyfriend he gets sad because I have to take it, but there is of course nothing he can do. I should add, she can’t afford to get a therapist home, and she can’t just go to where the therapist is because it’s far and she will get panic attacks. What should I do? Has anyone went through this?