I was waiting for SO to get home and he left his computer on and I knew I had to check my emails for work and he left a bunch of tabbed pages open of facebooks of other women! I was especially disturbed because I know some of the women he’s been looking at. All the women are dressed in low cut/skanky outfits of course. I confronted him about it and he was really upset and said it wouldnt happen again and then he deleted pretty much every woman off his facebook.
I am still pretty upset and I don’t really know how to deal with this. He said he only does it cause we are in a long distance relationship this year and he gets bored and lonely.
We’ve been together for over 4 years and we’ve never had any problems like this. Any advice?
Honestly, I don’t really see a huge problem if he was just looking at their Facebooks. A little weird, maybe, but not really reason to panic and question your relationship or anything. If you trust him, I’d just leave it be. You’re not going to be able to restrict him from ever looking at other women (online or in the real world), no matter how tight of a leash you keep him on. If he loves you and you trust each other, he won’t cross the line and act inappropriately. Unless there’s more to the story that we’re missing here, I don’t think you should worry too much
@IslandGirl6: What was his explanation for doing this? Honestly, his reaction is what worries me most, not what he was doing.
Men have friends. Sometimes they wear revealing clothes. He innocently could’ve been looking at old friend’s Facebooks, to see what they were up to, and had to leave for whatever reason. But… his reaction is a little off-putting, because it seems like he feels guilty.
I wouldn’t read too much into it, although, it does seem slightly creepy. He definitely needs to be more considerate of his web history and info he is leaving on his computer.
Kind of sounds like maybe he was um…choking the chicken. I would definitely be upset too, but I think sometimes guys just don’t think about that kind of stuff emotionally like a lot of women do.
I don’t really know what advice to give you. He has opened up and told you why he does it, because he is lonely. I think you should have a discussion about that without bringing up the facebook women.
Since he apologized and deleted them from his facebook right after instead of saying they were just friends and he was just saying something to them or something, makes me think it was a little more than just checking into a friends page.
Another thing that strikes me as strange is that he did this while you were together? You’re in a long distance relationship so if you had access to his computer you must be visiting with him or he is visiting with you? Which makes me wonder, if he’s doing it because he’s lonely, why is he lonely when you are there with him?
That all being said, I can see why you are concerned. BUT I wouldn’t call it quits just yet. Looking at other women isn’t quite cheating. In my belief it’s borderline but I have strict and high standards my fiance is well aware of. In a normal person not so uptight it’s not the biggest deal. He hasn’t made a move yet on anyone. What needs to be done is you two sit down and have a calm discussion about why he feels the need to look elsewhere, even window shopping. What he feels like he is missing in the relationship. What needs to be changed by the both of you. Cheating in any sense is not your fault but is the cheaters fault, however the both of you can work toward a strong healthy relationship where neither of you have the urge to even window shop. He obviously needs to change his behavior but perhaps there is something he’s lacking he feels that he needs in the relationship as well.
Long distance relationships are hard. If he’s so interested in just looking at other women have you two considered doing web cam things? Don’t know your stance on premarital sexual behavior but you can do any number of things while you two or not close that fall within your comfort zone. And him just seeing your face could help is loneliness.
Just a few ideas. And please know I’m not saying this is your fault, I’m only suggesting ways to improve the relationship and make sure the both of you are happy and fulfilled in all aspects
Men will look at women. If it’s not Facebook, it will be the Victoria’s Secret catalog or random ladies on the street or at the mall. Looking shouldn’t be off-limits. It’s normal and natural to check out members of the opposite sex if you’re hetero, even if you’re in a relationship, and you shouldn’t see it as an insult or a threat if your SO finds someone sexy. It doesnt make you less sexy. It might not be a bad idea to talk to your SO and establish some boundaries that you can both live with (ie not so restrictive that he is bound to fail, so you will both need to compromise and find some middle ground).
If it was a magazine, I’d be fine with it. But since all it takes is a click of a key to have contact with her, I’d be a little worried too. Have a nice long talk with him. Don’t hold back your feelings. Hey, it could have been guys he was looking at! Then what would you do.