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I'd say give him some space. It's probably just normal anxiety. What do you mean by "strange and weird"?
is this your engagement ring? if he hasn't proposed yet, he's prob just nervous about that, which seems normal!
It just sounds to me like he's nervous about proposing, which is totally normal. I wouldn't read too much into it.
He's probably just nervous which is understandable. This is a very big step. I wouldn't read that much into it.
@Mrs Grape: Well he is worried we may divorce-, nothing is guaranteed, I will take his money, the wedding cost (by the way he is the one who wants the wedding), never dating anybody for the rest of his life, being a old boring couple. I can't begin to have logical conversations with him when he is being so irrational. We are signing a prenup, I do not want his money, I have my own money! I could care less about having a wedding, he is in love with me and we are very happy. What is all of the fear about? He tells me he fears the unknown. Ok,what does that mean? He sounds ridiclous and I am getting so frustrated.
i would chalk it up to nerves, since he already bought the ring. dont worry too much im sure he is just super nervous about the act of proposing....it alot harder on the guys than we realize.
@Soladylike: Um, have you tried actually talking to him? Because I think you are assuming that he has cold feet based on indirect signals. If you actually talked to him about what's going on and why he's acting the way he is, you may be surprised. Communication. Every healthy marriage is based on it - try talking to him.
@crayfish: I have talked to him and these are the things he is saying. It's not an assumption.
If those are his concerns, it doesn't really sound like he's ready for marriage. You should completely trust and love the person you are with and not be worried they are going to divorce you and take all your money. I would say you both need to sit down and have a very serious discussion about marriage and what marriage means to both of you. It sounds like a serious case of cold feet but IMO alot of discussion has to happen between you two before he should propose.
@PuntaCanaBride:I don't think I am able to talk to him because I can not understand his logic or thought process. I think this is something he has to get comfortable with on his own. My goodness what is the big deal? He just finds something different to get nervous about each week. It's not funny but I do laugh to myself because it seems a little extreme to me.
Aren't we all afraid of divorce?? While we all love our SO, there is never a 100% guarantee on ANYTHING. I don't know.... sounds like normal fears to me.
We just found out we're having a baby, and are definitely afraid of becoming an "old boring couple". I think we all have fears- the important thing is to be open and talk about them with eachother.
Oh it sounds like he is a worrier. I'd give him some space and let him worry till his hearts content.
I agree its normal to be nervous... I really dont think you should read his emails though.. doesnt that spoil the suprise of it?
@bells: No, I was not reading his emails. That's a bit much, he printed the email and did not put it away. It was sitting on the office desk. I knew it was coming though, it will happen in the next couple of months. We have discussed it.
@Soladylike: I don't think he's being irrational at all? Those are all pretty reasonable worries, to an extent. Or he could just not be ready to ask you.
So many of my friends thought thier SO was breaking up with them at the time they proposed because they were acting so strange.
My BFF actually said to me, "I thought, why did he bring me to this fancy restaurant to break up wih me?" LOL.
He has a lot of fears that everyone has! I'm a child of divorce, and I worry about that too. These fears are normal. All you can do is reassure him.
Even though I never saw the signs, I asked my FI was he nervous before proposing to me and he said yes. He said the whole process made him nervous, picking the ring, filling out the paper work, making the video, all of it. But he told me the day he proposed he wasn't nervous at all. I think it's normal to be nervous about something that is really important and you want it to be perfect.
EDIT: After posting I reread your post and realized you already know what he is worried about. In that case if he is getting on your nerves, just ignore him.
@Belle2Be:I think it is normal to be concerned/ cautious but to make a big deal about it and cause us to have these extended debates about things that have not happened yet. Heck, he is making me nervous. He is being worried for the sake of being worried. I'm just venting because I am frustrated.
@Soladylike: Maybe he doesn't need to debate about them? Sometimes guys just need to be listened to and validated, just like women. If he's having all these fears, let him say them all, and then ask him how he thinks you could work on them together, or how you could help him get through them.
Last year around Christmas, my SO was acting very strange. We were both getting a lot of pressure from work and friends (not so much family) asking when we were getting engaged. Just about every week, I was being asked if he was going to propose at Christmas, so I'm sure he was getting the same questions.
He would say things that made me think he was going to propose, but then he'd say he wasn't sure if it was appropriate without saying what "it" was. Finally, one night I gave him a big hug and told him I knew he was getting a lot of pressure to propose, but that he didn't have to. I told him that I wanted him to be completely sure, because I wanted him to propose because he wanted to and not because other people thought he should.
Well, after I said that, he seemed much more relaxed. I took the pressure off him. As it turns out, he didn't propose at Christmas, and yes, I was disappointed, but I'm glad he didn't because it wasn't the right time for him. He did propose four months later, and I could definitely tell he was ready and it was the right time.
I don't know if anything I went through relates to what you're going through or what your guy is going through. But if you know a proposal is coming eventually, why not give him a break and take the pressure off him. He might take you up on it and not propose though, so you'd have to be prepared for that possibility, but he might not. I guess it comes down to whether you want to take the risk.
@Soladylike: It sounds to me like he is processing what he is about to do...he is just doing it in a more verbal way to you than most guys. He sounds like a worrier, which I can relate to!
The thing is, men get to work through this process prior to popping the question, and that is what he is doing. You ask "what's the big deal?" Well, the big deal is that is he reconciling his mind to spending the rest of his life with one person. I'm not saying he's having doubts...I'm just saying this is a MAJOR life transition that requires a lot of thought. Give him space, love and listen when he needs to freak out.
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So,
I stumbled on an email this weekend my SO sent to his jeweler that said he will pick up the ring on December 22. I should be really excited right? NO, my SO is acting so strange and weird!!!! I just look at him perplexed by why he is being so psyco about everything. He is not being himself at all, this is obviously a case of severe cold feet. Even the jeweler suggested he "get a good night sleep before he presents the ring because it seems like he needs it"What can I do to make it better? Should I give him space to sort his thoughts? WTF is going on? What is cold feet all about? What's the big deal?