Post # 1
Yup… that was my reaction too.
I feel so upset right now… For the last half year he has been putting all his spare money into a little money box he made with pictures he collaged on to the side of a dream house, car, computer etc. On one side of the box he had also stuck a photo of my DREAM ring. He didn’t specifically point it out to me but when I saw it I was so so so happy that he had started saving for it!
A few weeks ago he told me he was going to sell two of his cameras that he never uses on ebay to “free up some extra cash”. He managed to sell one of them for $1700 which we really weren’t expecting, and the other one did really well too. Our 2 1/2 year anniversary is coming up so you can imagine what I was thinking…
Then the other day i noticed his money box had been opened (I saw the box with ring pic on it the trash) and I asked him if he had put the money in the bank. He then told me he had “finally decided what to do with the money” and showed me the new camera he is going to buy! It costs even more than my dream ring!! I felt so crushed but I told him it looked great and then just walked out of the room.
I don’t want to ever tell him what he should spend his money on and we have had discussions about him not feeling financially ready for marriage at the moment so realistically I knew it wasn’t going to happen any time soon. But seeing that box with the little ring picture in the corner every day made it so much easier to be patient… and now… well I don’t know what to think. He was very lucky to get that much for selling his two old cameras and he will have no savings left once he buys the new camera. At the moment it feels like it could be years before we ever get engaged 🙁 🙁 🙁 He was the one who brought up the topic of marriage two years ago but now he suddenly doesn’t feel ready.
Post # 3
Hmmm maybe he is trying to throw you off. If he does come back with a camera, then you should sit down with him and talk it out.
Post # 4
aww sweetie I’m so sorry 🙁 I cant really offer any advice but I can offer a shoulder or ears to listen.
Post # 5
thanks TheRen 🙂
@Chipmunk: I though that but he’s really bad at keeping secrets and I’m 99.9% sure I would know if he was trying to suprise me…
Post # 6
If you talk to him, I think you should try to get a sense of what his general time frame is, and let him know what yours is (you are 50% of the equation).
Don’t make it about how upset you are he just bought a camera – if you haven’t had frank discussions about when engagement is coming, he may just be thinking about it in a vague sense (maybe this year, maybe next year, la di da), and have no idea how upset this makes you until you tell him.
I would leave the camera out of the discussion – what you really want to know is whether he’s serious about engagement within a reasonable time frame you can live with. Don’t let him use vague comments about “finances” as an ongoing excuse to delay. You can ask him what specifically that means, and what steps he’s taking to overcome that. Is there a certain $ amount he needs to have saved to feel ready? Etc.
It’s possible it’s not really about money and he just doesn’t feel ready to be engaged or married yet. (Particularly if he’s still in his 20s and/or many of his guy friends aren’t married). This is something you can try to tease out when you talk to him.
Post # 7
Aw, I’m sorry…
I think it’s a little mean to have photos of the ring on the box if he doesn’t intend to actually save for that right now. You’re right though, it doesn’t sound like he’s financially ready yet.
Post # 8
Awee…I’m sorry you are feeling this way. But, I agree with Chipmunk, don’t get too worked up until he actually comes home with a camera! If he does, you probably need to sit down with him so he understands why you may be upset.
Good Luck…and keep us posted!
Post # 9
Eh, did he really spend ALL his money on the camera? Or is he buying both? Maybe he has plans for the camera.
It’s not nice to tease, though!
Post # 11
I hope that he is just trying to throw you off…but I have been in a similar situation lately…I THINK that the ring is his next purchase but he told me that on friday (he had the day off) he went to the Subaru dealership to look at the Forrester…and then I saw him on his laptop and he was shopping for a new laptop. I got really upset about it yesterday and ended up just leaving the room and showering to cool off…so I know how it is…its just like…WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?!?
The worst party is Teddy has noticed Im upset…and we actually did talk about it about a month ago because I was so frustrated about it…so i suggest that you do that…talk to him about a timeline…so that you are more comfortable waiting. it helps. in my situation I dont know if he is going to stay true to his timeline…I think that he KNOWS he needs to get the ring before anything else (my parents are moving out of the country next august so we want to have the wedding before then) but we will see.
Post # 12
You know, my old roommate had been with her boyfriend fo 4 years when he saved up all his money and bought…a truck. She was livid. His old one had been fine, but he explained to her that he wanted to spend “his” money on something just for him before it became “their” money. Sure enough, he bought her an engagement ring and proposed less than 6 months later. So, you never know. Maybe he’s just doing one last thing for himself before he always has to consider “we” when making a purchase.
Post # 13
Yeah, being upset is completely understandable but…
I see that he’s really into photography given that he sold two cameras, and is buying a new one. Is he a professional? Is he planning on becoming a professional or doing some amateur photography for a fee? Maybe he hopes to supplement his income so he can buy your ring and still have a camera…or he’ll purchase a stand in ring.
My Fiance did that for me–yeah it sucked at first but I realize the ring is such a small part of us being together and getting married. But I understand your frustration, my Fiance would be looking at getting a new computer, new mp3 player, buying this and that–and I got so flustered that I confronted him (he was just being oblivious to my wants and he also felt guilted that he would never be able to buy me my “dream” ring while we were still in school.)
Post # 14
Aww I’m so sorry! I’m sure it will happen soon, maybe he’ll surprise you.
Post # 15
ps-I must say that it makes me feel a little relieved that others feel frustrated about our SOs buying other stuff other than “the ring” I thought I was the only one…
Post # 16
He is totally messing with you. Go along with it.