Post # 1
FI and I have been together for 7 years and we are finally tying the knot soon!
We both keep getting comments from friends/co-workers saying things like “Oh, that will change once you get married” or “Just wait until after your married, you’ll see!”
We both feel that marriage will not change our current relationship much. Most of our married friends/co-workers were in their relationships for a relatively short period of time (compared to ours) when they got married so we feel that there were probably things they still didn’t know each about each other until after they got married. We’ve been together so long, and lived together pretty much from the start that we feel like we’ve already gone through and delt with the majority of the situations that cause strain in a new marriage. (i.e. habits, money, chores, etc.) We openly communicate about our future goals (house, kids, careers, etc.) & fully support each other. Basically, we feel like we’ve already been living like we’re married, so we don’t think a piece of paper will change the dynamics of our relationship.
I’ve been told the first year of marriage is the hardest, so I’m just curious how marriage affected your relationship? Does it matter if you are in a LTR or a STR before marriage? Did you argue more/less? Or did things pretty much stay the same?
Post # 3
@MissCountryGirl727: I am interested too. Have gotten the same comments. We have been together nearly 9 years and have lived together for 3. It’s like you don’t know what marriage is like simply because you don’t have a piece of paper saying so? We have been together longer than some of the people making those comments!
Post # 4
@MissCountryGirl727: I hate when people say stuff like that. Everyone thinks that because *they* are married, they’re suddenly a damn expert on everyone elses. *sigh*
I’m interested to see if it will change ours at all, other than just being excited to be married. We live together, have for 2 years, have totally merged assets and finances, have pets together, 2 of his kids, etc.
So, commenting to follow, I guess 🙂
Post # 5
My sister just got married after living with her man for 13 years! She did say things are different now that they are married. In a good way. I haven’t spoken with her in depth about this so I am curious what others have to say.
ETA: I didn’t live with my husband before getting married so obiously everything changed 🙂
Post # 6
@MissCountryGirl727: I’ve been with DH for 7.5 years, officially living together for 6. Granted we’ve only been married for like 10 days, but it doesn’t feel any different! We’ve gone through all of the initial learning and figuring each other out stuff. It’s super weird to call him my husband, so that is an adjustment. But other than that it just feels nice and permanent and secure, which is great!
Post # 7
For us, at least so far, nothing as changed except my last name. Prior to marriage we lived together, shared finances, and had our lives already intertwined. We basically threw a huge, awesome party and went on a week long vacation.
The vows that we made were promises and commitments we made to one another a long time ago.
Post # 8
People are constantly asking us “so how is married life?” My answer is that it is the same. We lived together before we were married so we knew what to expect and really its not much different now being married. We just bought a house and will be mving out of the inlaws shortly so I know things are going to get much better in our own place! 🙂
Post # 9
The only thing that changed is how we feel about each other. Our daily lives didn’t change because we had been living together already and had everything figured out. There was nothing ‘new’ that we needed to get through.
We do feel very differently about each other. Before we got married I knew I loved him and wanted to spend my life with him but now, he is my other half 100%. I am seriously so in love with that man. We are husband and wife, there is no breaking up for us. We’re in it for the long haul and there is something about that, knowing that we are in it for good, that makes things different.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
I once got told that marriage doesn’t change a relationship at all, really.
It’s when you have kids that things start to change!
Post # 11
@chronicwhimsy: oh yeah, the kids… *shudder*
we were together 6 years, living together all those years (college roomies haha), and just got married last year. it’s been a year now, and it’s only gotten better. 🙂 we feel even closer after, and I like it when he calls me his wife. other than that, pretty much the same!!
Post # 12
I know! I hate that people think they know how my life will be after marriage. The most common thing we get is when FI or myself are talking about going out somewhere without the other. For example, he may mention to his co-workers that he’s going out with him boys to shoot some pool or something, and co-worker says something like “You better do that all you can right now because that will change once you’re married!” I get the same response from people too. We’re both like, “Uh, no…I go do what I want, FI does what he wants…and as long as we aren’t breaking plans with each other, it’s all good.” We fully believe in having our “own time” apart. Sometimes, I just need to have dinner and drinks with my girls…sometimes, he just needs to hangout with his boys!
@IowaDDS13: You pretty much summed it up there! 🙂
Post # 13
Nothing much for us really, other than our titles (calling each other husband/wife instead of bf/gf) and my last name. We were together for 6 years when we got married, we had been living together for pretty much that entire time, we moved into our current apartment 6 months before the wedding so it wasn’t even a new location, and we don’t plan on having kids for a couple more years, so that isn’t a change either. So…I guess when we call each other husband and wife we still giggle about it, lol. But other than that, since we had been together for years and live together for years…nope. Nothing really has changed. I guess it’s nice to KNOW that he’s in it for the long haul rather than assume that he is but not be as 100% sure (more like…90% sure)…but that changed as soon as he finally proposed moreso than after the wedding. So that’s nice. But it’s not a drastic change that affects our everyday life.
Edit: I definitely think that “first year is the hardest” saying is more for people who never lived together, had to deal with sharing a living space or paying for groceries together etc etc. We fight just as much or little as we did before. We have sex just as much or little as we did before. We go out just as much or little as we did before. I also don’t get people who are like “once you’re married you can’t do that haha” …Um…well he NEVER was allowed to go hook up with other people, we were committed and faithful from day one, I never understood that! And we both have our own lives and all the time go off and do separate things with our separate friends, marriage doesn’t change that either!
Post # 14
The only thing that marriage changed, was my name.
DH and I had lived together for 7 years before we got married… so honestly, I can’t see how anything could have changed from us saying “I do.”
Why people treat marriage like it has some sort of “light switch” effect is beyond me. Unless you dont live with eachother until marriage…I dont see why much should change.
Post # 15
After seven years together and being homeowners for a few years now, I assumed that our lives wouldn’t be different after the wedding (and especially since we did the legal wedding 6 months before the big celebration). But almost 2 months since the wedding, I do feel transformed in many ways and I have seen changes in my husband. There are lasting feelings of confidence and joy from the committment we made before our loved ones. These feelings have enhaced our life together. Having the wedding out of the way also has brought new focus to the next steps in our lives.
Post # 16
@MissCountryGirl727: People said that line to us that things will change once you’re married. They were right. It changes, but for the better.
The first year of marriage is hard, in some respects, because some brides get depressed after the wedding because of all the hustle and bustle dying down, and nobody cares about their wedding anymore like they do.
We communicate better and are always inproving it, especially after we bought our house together. THAT is when shit gets tough because we both had different opinions about how we wanted things, even though we had lived with each other for over two years.
As long as you and your husband communicate your wants and needs before you get married, you shouldn’t have any major issues arise. I will say it is harder to find time for one another sometimes. Everyone thinks that because you are married, you spend every waking moment with each other, so they can come see you every weekend or want you to see them. They don’t understand that, even as a married couple that eat, sleep, and see each other every night after work, we still value to time we get to spend with each other on the weekends together going shopping.