- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
This may be the wrong place to post it, but if you AREN’T one of those people who has always known you wanted kids and OMGIWANTKIDSNOW!, I could use your help & insight.
FI and I are getting married in 11 days (!!!). I am 28, he is 29. Neither of us have strong feelings on kids right now (and we did talk about it extensively in pre-marital counseling). We aren’t “No, we don’t want kids,” but we also don’t know that we do want them.
But — I do know this. If we would like to have kids as part of our family, I’d like to start by 30. My parents were young (22/23), and I love it. His mom was 40 when she had him, and while he doesn’t really see the issue, I don’t care for that at all for myself.
Soooo, I do feel like the clock is ticking to make a decision one way or the other. I also feel like it impacts some other choices – we are going to make a major move (out of state) in a year and might impact where we select. I don’t want to get a dog if we’re going to have kids soon, but I do want to get a dog if we aren’t going to have kids ever. My career choices will likely be impacted.
Give me some tips on how to figure out if we should have kids. Please don’t be like, “You just know one way or the other” – some of us don’t. We are both very very rational people, and I think that is hurting us in this area!
Here are some ideas I’ve come up with:
– Try and find someone with kids we can babysit for (this is pretty tough, we are both living pretty far away from our friend & family groups, and it isn’t like we LOOOOVE kids where his coworkers want to let us watch their newborn, haha)
– Just don’t even think about it for a year and see if anything changes by my 29th birthday or his 30th birthday.
– Already done this, but thought about when we’re 60 and what we’d like life to be like… doesn’t really help that much, I can see it either way.
Ummm, I’m at a loss beyond this. How in the heck do us unknowns decide if kids are right for us or not?
Thanks in advance.