Post # 1
I feel so hurt and disappointed. None of my family members have RSVP to our wedding. The deadline for the RSVP’s were last Wednesday. I have called all of them to confirm attendance and none of them are answering me, I feel like I am being avoided. We sent out 167 invites and we have only received about 60 back, mostly from FI’s family and friends. Most of which I have never met and don’t know.
Our wedding is local, we didn’t invite anyone that needed to travel more than 30-40 minutes or so. Everyone has been acting all excited and asking me questions about the wedding over the last 14 months but now that we are less than 40 days out, there has been zero communication.
I feel so unloved. I feel like I have no support. The only people that will be at our wedding from my side is my mom, grandmother, an aunt and my co-workers (6 of them) so 9 people total.
I make it a point to attend all of their functions, I make it a point to help out with my family in any way that I can, this whole situation has hurt me so badly, it really makes you aware of who is in your corner and who isn’t. Who cares and who don’t. I am going to feel like a such a social failure that will not have any family supporting her. I won’t hardly know anyone at my own wedding!
2 of my cousins who were bridesmaids have dropped out suddenly, like just out of the blue stopped returning my calls when just a week prior we were all giddy on the phone talking about awesome hairstyles and such. I don’t get it? What have I done to make people treat me so differently lately? I’m not one of those brides who talks non stop about their upcoming wedding. I only talk about it when it’s brought up by others around me.
Worst kicker is that the venue will not allow me to change my guest count numbers. I still have to pay for the 167 as they don’t allow numbers changes less than 60 days to the event date. I would have to use it for food, linen or flower upgrades (my venue is all inclusive). That is the part that BLOWS the most. I have to pay $40 a plate plus $20 bar fees for the 107 that won’t be there. We already have a TON of food. We don’t need any upgrades, there is going to be so much food left over already. I love my linens so don’t want to change those either and we already have an extreme amount of florals. I don’t know what to do!
Fantastic F’N day to me.
Post # 3
@jaylinjo: how bizarre. Have you asked mom I she’s heard anything? Also it’s odd to assume tht since you invited 167 people that all were goin to show! I would have reported 140 (tho that is still far off from 60). Sorry this happened 🙁
Post # 4
I’m so sorry! I don’t have any advice, but is there any chance your mom or someone could find out what is going on with the rest of your family?
Post # 5
@jaylinjo: sorry that really sucks!…can you ask your Mum to contact the people on your side that havent responded? I am sure it isnt as bad as you think…maybe they assume that you know they will be there..my family is like that…a lot of people probably just assume that you know they will be there maybe?
Post # 6
@mamadingdong: I know, I was stupid. I just didn’t want to find myself in a position where we only paid for 140 and miraculously all 167 RSVP yes and it would have put us in a financial bind later. I thought that since it was local it was safe to assume that most people would be there. Silly me.
My mom has been calling also, but nothing. She is feeling so bad for me right now. She is the only one having to travel, she lives 4 hours away so all she can do is call one of her sisters to see if she can find out what the problem is.
Post # 7
@jaylinjo: Have you done the follow up phone calls? Way too many people don’t send rsvp’s. Divide up the phoning list with a couple of helpers. You may find that there are more people planning on attending than you think.
Post # 8
That sucks. But there’s got to be some reason everyone’s suddenly doing a disappearing act. Have you considered doing a pop-in on one or two of them that you’re closest to?
Post # 9
@julies1949: Yes we have. I have personally called all 107 twice since last Thursday. No one answered so they all received 1 voicemail. The 2nd time I did not leave a voicemail. I will give it one week and try again. Our final numbers have to be in by April 2nd so the venue can begin “upgrading” things that we don’t really need to have upgraded.
@geekspice: This was my thought after the second call, I just didn’t want to be too pushy you know. But I think this is the only way to find out answers. If I did accidently do something to offend someone, I want the chance to at least apologize, even if they still don’t come. I just can’t think of anything that I could have possibly done. I am going to go visit one of my older cousins who talks to everyone and see if maybe she can help, although she has not returned my call either. It’s worth a shot!
Post # 10
Its strange that so many of them said no.. I had a similar thing happen but on a MUCH smaller scale.. My mom’s family is all local (she has 4 siblings and they have kids/grandkids, etc) and my dad’s family lives all over the place.. We invited them all. Now even despite the distance, my dads family is a lot closer than moms so I wasn’t suprised when they all said yes, regardless of the traveling. Now, just because I am not as close with my mothers family, we are still fairly close, and when my sister passed away last April they really pulled together for my family and we grew closer. They all live in the same town as us (and as our wedding, literally none of them are further than 15 minutes from the venue) so I was sure they would all come. Now my moms only sister (who we are by far the closest to, in fact her youngest daugther who is 2 years younger than me is one of my bridesmaids) is coming with her other 2 daughters/their SO’s and my moms oldest brother is also coming. However, two my moms other brothers and their wives and all their kids (my cousins and their SO’s) are not coming.. No explaination whatsoever.. at least we got the RSVP back but they didn’t give us an excuse or anything..
What really irritated me is I had a bridal shower about 2 months ago. Both of these brothers wives were invited to the shower. One of them came to the shower (and said how she couldn’t wait until the wedding).. The other my aunt (who is coming) called to find out if she and her daughter were coming to the shower since they had not RSVP’ed and they said that they couldn’t becaue it was my cousins 1 year wedding anniversery and they were going out of town for the weekend and she was babysitting there son but that they would DEFINTELY be at the wedding. Now I understood the shower completely and was just glad they were coming to the wedding. I got their RSVP back the day befor they were due as a no and no explaination given..
I still have no idea why.. but honestly, I am kinda done with them. Maybe thats silly, but I feel really hurt by it. I think some of it may be though my cousin got pregnant and ended up having a spur of the moment wedding with only a few close friends and family (We were not invited, none of the family was) and maybe they are jealous because we are doing the big “proper” wedding.
Post # 11
That is so weird. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’d definitely take a drive by and pay a friendly little visit to see why the lack of communication on their end. Please keep us updated! HUGS
Post # 12
@Brooklyn55: I am so sorry to hear that! It really sucks when the people you love don’t pull through for you. I don’t think people realize what an overall emotional toll planning a wedding puts on a bride. We want to be with our nearest and dearest to celebrate this milestone.
I wish my family would say no, or yes, or I hate you, screw your wedding…I mean just say SOMETHING for crying out loud. You could hear a rat piss on cotton with the commincation I am getting. It’s that quiet.
I have impromptu visits tomorrow. I am off from work for the remainder of of the next 3 months so I have lots of time to spare. I will be filling up my truck and driving to each residence if I have to in order to find out what is wrong.
Post # 13
Post # 14
@jaylinjo: Good luck!! I hope you get answers and I hope at least some of them plan to support you on your big day!!!
Post # 15
This whole situation is so strange, sorry you’re going through this.
However, having to commit to a number 60 days out at your venue is kind of crazy. I’ve never heard of this before, and I plan events for work semi-regularly. I’m doing an event in a month and they don’t require a guarantee until 14 days prior to the event, and even then it can go up, no problem. Lots of people wouldn’t have even sent invites by 60 days out, never mind know how many people are coming.
Post # 16
Numbers at 60 days? They havent order the food yet. I understand they have minimums, but to have to pay for all 167 is outrageous! We had to put out #’s in 2 weeks before (pretty standard) so they can put their food orders in.
I woudl talk to the venue and see if they can cut you a deal. If they dont, make sure they cook all 167 meals for you. Bring lots for palstic conatinars and bring the food home or donate it to a shelter.