- 5 years ago
Hi all… I’ve been a lurker for a while, so excited to turn from a waiting bee to an engaged bee. So it pains me to have this be my first post, but I’m just so upset and I don’t know who to talk to…
My BF and I have been dating for 4 years. We had gone ring shopping earlier this year, and BF has picked out what I’m sure will be a gorgeous sparkly ring for me. Like I’m sure many other’s have been though, I have been enduing the pain of “So where’s the rock already?” and “You’ve been dating forever, what’s the problem?” for a while, but with a light at the end of the tunnel… I know he is planning something special for a proposal sometime soon, but I don’t know exactly when (but most likely sometime in the next month).
Earlier this week though, my excitement took a blow when I learned that BF’s younger brother (by about 3 years) will be proposing to his GF this weekend. They have been together a little over a year (which for me would not be enough time to consider marriage, but that it just a personal choice). I was a little shocked, as this is the first time either BF or his family has heard him talk about proposing. But the part that really hurt me was that I overheard my BF telling his dad how annoyed he is at his brother… apparently he had told his proprosal plans to his brother (along with the rest of his family) two months ago, but his brother completely disregarded this and decided that NOW, right before we plan to get engaged, is the perfect time to pop the question. I know his parents have been in fights about it, as one of them thinks what he is doing is horribly unthoughtful to us.
I just feel like something is purposely trying to be taken away from us, and I feel specifically targeted. My dad passed away years ago and I am not very close with my family. One of the parts of getting engaged that I was most looking forward to was telling his family, since I adore them – I just don’t think my own family will be very excited for me… and even though I am sure his family will be excited, I feel like now we’re just going to be the “second act”. Did BF’s brother purposely choose now to get engaged to steal our “proposal thunder”? Why did he not consult my BF on his thoughts on this knowing his plans? Is he trying to one-up us, or undermine BF’s proposal? Is it always going to be like this, with BF’s brother always trying to get to those major milestones in life ahead of us? Does he just simply not care how we feel?
I hate feeling this way. I have started harboring major resentments and do not want to be around his brother. We have plans with his family this weekend where I expect the proposal to be “announced”, and I am seriously considering stayinh home so I’m not visibly upset on the GF’s day – I don’t blame her since she doesn’t know about the upcoming proposal and don’t want to ruin it for her. I also fear that when BF and I do get engaged, there will be an unspoken (or maybe spoken, who knows?) competition about engagement/wedding events… I just don’t want to start off a life in BF’s family feeling like this. I would love to just “get over it”, but that’s not the kind of person I am…
I know I probably sound petty and ridiculous and crazy. I’m just really so hurt that BF’s brother would out of nowhere decide on a proposal when he knows full well my BF is planning one soon. Ugh. Anyways, I just needed to get this out and would love to hear any comments/advice (even if it’s just to tell me I’m being a silly girl and I’m totally over thinking this). Thanks for listening.