(Closed) So hurt over BF's brother stealing our "proposal thunder"

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

well i dont see why he should wait for an unspecified date “sometime soon”….he loves his gf and wants to marry her. his argument is probably that if your boyfriend didnt want people to propose before him…shouldnt have waited so long

also – seriously, your thunder? what thunder? you get a congratulations and thats it. nobody else is as excited as you will be =)

Post # 3
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

They will still be excited for you.

I know you know this, but you can’t control other’s actions. His brother has every right to get engaged when he wants to. Yeah, I see your point, and I’d be miffed too, but this person is going to be family – you need to let go of the resentment.

Focus on the good stuff – you are getting engaged! This is awesome!  Don’t let these negative feelings ruin it for you.

Post # 5
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m sorry to hear you’re upset and frustrated. It sucks. However, each relationship is different, and everyone goes on on their own timeline. Wouldn’t you feel hurt if your SO delayed your proposal because of someone close to you getting engaged? 

You can’t expect anyone to do anything but what is right for them. When your propsal comes, everyone will be just as happy and excited for you as they would be, regardess of any sibling proposals. 

Be happy for them! Stop stressing, relax and know your time will come – even if it is near to their engagement. 

Post # 6
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I say be happy for them… if anything, if your SO proposes after then… you get the NEW spotlight. I think if it had been the other way around you likely still would have been annoyed (like if you got engaged then they got engaged shortly after)….

How long do you think would be an appropriate time? a month before you get engaged? a month after? I don’t think they should have to wait if the time felt right for them, the families will stil be happy for you

Post # 7
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hm, generally I would say that people don’t need to schedule important life events around you (and I still believe this), though, I admit, in this scenario, I would be *slightly* annoyed, as it seems like his brother is rushing to “beat” your BF. Honestly, though, in the grand scheme of things, you need to just take a deep breath & let it go. His family will still be happy for you, and it sounds like they are slightly upset about the situation, too, which means they will be even more careful to give you guys the congratulations & support in your wedding planning. Families have the capacity to be excited for 2 children at once, so don’t worry about it! And please don’t stress about comparing your weddings. It’s human to feel that way occasionally, but, after your wedding, it will seem so silly and trivial to have wasted energy worrying about it.

Congratulations on your upcoming proposal!

Post # 9
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

first of all, welcome to wedding bee!

 

now about this “proposal thunder” issue…i truly think you’re overreacting for a number of reasons:

1) if his brother loves his gf I think all he needs to wait for is for THEM to be ready. no one else. I doubt he’s taking a major life decision just to piss you off. Also, a proposal is something personal, he has every right not to “consult” with your SO.

2) I’ve never heard of “proposal thunder” before. Isn’t it enough to have all eyes and attention on you on your wedding day?

3) you don’t need everyone to be excited for you. If you and FI are excited you’re going to spend the rest of your life together, that’s all you need. 

 

I do hope you and your SO will find it in your heart to be happy for your brother. Soon, all four of you will be getting married, and no one deserves to be less happy than the other. Take this opportunity to bond with his family, not tear you apart.

Post # 10
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

OP, sorry you feel like this and I completely understand. I’d be upset too. They sound like they are rushing into things a bit. I’m sure your proposal and engagement and wedding will be just as special and exciting, if not more, and even more exciting after waiting longer! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
12833 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Try not to stress over it.  Your family will still be excited for you when your proposal comes along!  It’s unfair to ask your brother to wait because your SO may be thinking of proposing in an undefined future time.

Post # 12
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry but I don’t see how he stole your thunder when there’s been no thunder to steal.  Your bf didn’t tell him I’m proposing on X date and then he went and proposed that day or the day before. Regardless if he did, that’s his right to do so. You guys should be happy for him and his FI, as I’m sure they will be happy for you guys.  This sounds more like you are upset you’re not engaged yet (after 4 years) but they are after 1 year.  Everyone’s relationships move at different speeds, and you will have your special moment soon enough.

Post # 13
Member
2061 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’d be upset too!  When my FI and I were going out for a year and half and had started talking about getting engaged, my younger sister who had been dating her BF for 6 months got engaged.  Even though she knew we were going to get engaged sometime soon!  It was very upset at first, but in the end I was super happy for them.  

My now-FI and I decided to postpone our engagement at least 6 months so they could have their ‘thunder’ and we could have ours too.  They got married this summer and we are getting married next spring. Plenty of time in between weddings and everyone gets full attention to their wedding.  So don’t worry, it’ll all work out in the end! 

I’m not sure why siblings do this, but I really don’t think it is to be mean. I just think they are oblivious sometimes!  Try your absolute best to take the high road and be happy for them.  If you don’t think you can smile and congratulate them at their engagement announcement, I wouldn’t go.  This will be your family now, and you don’t want to create ill-will.

 

Post # 14
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

There is always plenty of “thunder” to go around. It’s not like your friends and family only have a limited amount of happiness to spread around, and it’s not like each of you don’t have friends that are just your own who won’t have to dip into their happiness budget too far.  

 

Post # 15
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think men overthink things like this. I doubt he is doing it to upset you. I think you should go and be happy for them, otherwise you will come off as a really selfish brat.

Be above it

Post # 16
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

While generally I don’t think there is much “thunder” to getting engaged and that no one needs to wait for anyone else’s timeline, given the fact that it was so well known what your BF was doing to the brother and that the brother knows that your bf/parents will be kind of upset about the timing, his choosing to trudge forward right now seems like kind of a dick move. 

That being said, there really isn’t anything you can do about it. Accept that his brother was kind of a dick and try to just be happy about what you have going on in your life. Also, maybe take it as an opportunity to get closer to your future sister-in-law, if you think that you two are the type that could be friends. Since you aren’t close to your own family this might be a really good opportunity to get really close to a future family member. You can bond over planning and whatnot, since (as you said) it isn’t her fault that the brother picked this time. 

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