Post # 1
I asked my 3 brothers to be in the wedding ceremony. We are only having 3 groomsmen, so my fiance wasn’t able to have them be groomsmen (and wanted to ask all or none). Two of my brothers are atheists, so I gave them the option of a few different roles in the ceremony (my preference) or being a greeter. One is being a greeter. The other informed me (by text) that he didn’t want to do either. “Being a greeter is for people you don’t like.” Well, he didn’t want to do any of the other options. I was one of 12 bridesmaids (which I didn’t want to but did for my brother), bought an expensive BM dress, traveled 9 hours round trip, paid for a very expensive hotel, got them a nice gift, and in order to get the time off work, I had to work 3 weekends in a row. And he can’t even take up the offertory or pass out programs at my wedding 5 minutes away from his apartment. SO HURT!
Post # 3
THAT is the pits and totally unacceptable. So sorry hun! Hive hugs!
Post # 4
thats awful guitargirl–
May I ask why you are only having 3 groomsmen?
Post # 5
Something very similar happened with a close friend of mine. He actually was going to skip my wedding, so I called him up and told him how much he meant to me and how much I’d like him to be there on my wedding day.
He made it to the wedding, and he was really touched by how much he meant to me – and interestingly, we’ve been much closer ever since the wedding.
Maybe let your brother how much he means to you, and how much you’d like him to be part of your wedding?
Post # 6
That sucks. Can you call your mom or dad and have them guilt trip your brothers into cooperating?
Post # 7
I’m sorry guitargirl. Maybe he’ll come around. I think when he looks in the rear view mirror, he’ll be regretting it.
Post # 8
I think your brother just needs a little perspective.
You can remind him of the lengths you went to to play the role offered you in his wedding. Or, you can tell him that he means a lot to you and it’s important to you that he be a part of your wedding day, but he must understand that there are several people you want to include, there are only so many “jobs” to go around, and can’t he play nicely?
Does he have any ideas of what he would like to do?
IMO, he’s being a bit self-important. He should be a good brother and let you have your day without making a big deal out of this.
Post # 9
We are having 3 groomsmen plus the best man. FI didn’t want 7 groomsmen at our wedding for 100 (and I agreed). Might I also add that we are having his parents-in’law at his request, and his wife (my sister-in-law) we included as a reader. The other thing that stinks is my relatives (who I don’t like, invited for my parents) will all talk about how terrible it is that I included my other siblings but how awful I am not to include my brother.
I talked to my parents about it. The initially were “oh well,” but then I pointed out how it might look bad on them (they are ALL about appearances) and they said they would talk to him. When I pointed out all I did for their wedding, my mother said that he shouldn’t feel obligated because I missed my sister-in-laws two showers. One was 4 hours away, I had a conflict, and she told us to only go to the closer shower. The one in my city, I rearranged my schedule, bought a very nice gift, and then got sick (puking all day, couldn’t get out of bed). I sent the gift and apologized. Now my mother is criticizing me for not sending a gift to the distant shower. (My one shower gift was easily the cost of two shower gifts).
AND, my FI waited an extra month to propose, so we wouldn’t get engaged right before their wedding. Just so frustrated with my family!
Post # 10
I would consider taking the high road here as Mr. Bee was illustrating – tell your brother how much he means to you, that you really want him to be a part of your special day and that you don’t think a greeter is “for people you don’t like” . Trying coming from a place of love (vs. hurt/anger) and I bet he will do it! don’t bring up his wedding, it is in the past.
Post # 11
maybe he would rather just be a guest than have a “job” at the wedding…
to me at least, being a greeter would seem like more of a pain than an honor. why not give him the option of just being a guest, but mentioning your brothers in the program? he might just feel like you’re putting him to work.
that being said, it’s your day, and as family, he should be bending over backwards to please you. call him and ask him what’s up. i’m sure he’ll come around. good luck!
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
People can be so selfish about other people’s weddings. I think talk to your brother and tell him what it means to you to have him involved. If he’s still acting childish, you may just have to let it go. 🙁
Post # 13
Talk to your brother, but if he doesn’t want to do it, you can’t just force him to. Maybe he is miffed why you are making him a greeter? Maybe he had something else in mind? Ultimately it’s his choice to be in your wedding or decline your offer. He’s your sibling, i think a chat would do fine.
Post # 14
What about being an usher instead of a ‘greeter?’ This is what my friend did in her wedding recently because her husband had too many groomsmen already. Both of her older brothers were ushers and it worked out wonderfully! Her brothers escorted grandmothers to and from their seats, released rows of guests when it was their time to leave the theater (the families wanted grandmothers and other honored guests to leave first after the bride/groom and bridal party). This gave both of her brothers something special to do without having the responsibilites or role of groomsmen (but yet still an important job!). You may want to explain this to them so they don’t think they are just going to be standing there passing out programs (if you are having programs). Also, being ushers means that they can be in the pictures with the bridal party, which is nice. This is what we are doing with our nephew and my sister who has special needs – they will both be ushers. Our nephew will be 10 almost 11 by the time we marry, so he is too young to be a groomsman and too old to be a ring bearer; as for my sister’s special needs, it really isn’t appropriate for her to be a bridesmaid as they have their own duties as members of the bridal party, so she will also being ushering with the help of an adult. Good Luck! 🙂
Post # 15
I’m really sorry, maybe you should ask him what part he’d like to participate in? Maybe he would rather just come as a guest. My FI brother isn’t even coming and there was nothing we could do to change his mind, so I know how you feel.
Post # 16
It sounds like he might be hurt because he’s not a groomsmen, that would explain his response, I think. I agree, let him know how much he means to you and go from there. Maybe if he can’t be a groomsmen, he could be a “bride’s man” and stand up on your side?