Post # 1
So I know I can always turn to the Bees for advice and sympathy and today I kind of need it. We got our engagement pics back last night and I am pretty bummed. They are posted on the photogs blog (something I hate as I am a very private person) but to make matters worse I am not totally comfortable with them and hate that they are out there.
Granted FI and I are both hypercritical of how we look in pictures but neither of us were very happy. It was really hot for the time of year and my hair either looks plastered to my head or frizzy, my makeup is running in some pics, my clothes look kind of sloppy and I am sporting a double chin in half of them (something I dont normally have)
Some pictures are at terribly unflattering angles and make me look much bigger than I really am- this has happened before in pictures (even when I was a lot skinner) but with my recent body changes and insecurities I HATE these pictures and hate that those unflattering ones are out there for everyone to see. I think this issue is half bad picture half terrible insecurity being tapped by ANY pictures.
Finally one of the pictures she posted is of a kiss between us that looks terribly intimate and quite frankly kind of sexual. I am not a “public displays of affection” kind of gal so this make me REALLY uncomfortable. How am I supposed to show my parents that?
We get free products for getting our friends and family to view the pics online and we were totally planning on doing this but I am just so embarrassed that I dont want to tell anyone about it now.
I think some of this is just wedding stress, body and image insecurities and disappointment over something we paid a lot for and were excited about not turning out catching up with me all in one big crappy mood but I am bummed! Anyone else hate their pictures or get bummed because of how you looked? I need words of encouragement and camaraderie to help me shake this mood!
Post # 3
Maybe you can speak to your photog and request that he/she remove some of the pictures you are not comfortable having online.
My photogs contract says she can do whatever she wants with my pictures, but I’m she she’d be understanding if I requested some that made me uncomforatble were taken down. I’m sure your photog would understand, afterall… you are paying them for your wedding as well and they should want you to be happy with your pictures.
Post # 4
I’ve been where you are, and it’s not fun. My first reaction to my engagement pictures was to burst into full on sobs. I haaaaaaated them.
Time helps a lot. Now, when I look at them I can honestly say that, while I wasn’t looking my best according to MY standards, the average person wouldn’t see half the flaws that I do.
I also found it helpful to take a moment to rationally analyze the things that bothered me. What were things I could change? (My hair! Slouching!) What were things that I couldn’t? (I am never going to have an oval face. I’m just not.) What was just bad luck? (That dress? Not as cute as I thought!)
Anyway, I would definitely call your photographer and ask her to take down the images that make you uncomfortable.
Post # 5
ahh– you took the words out of my mouth! it is so funny, i just logged on to wedding bee because i was bummed for the EXACT same reason.
i just got my pics this AM and had been looking forward to them. . .and some, I really like but some I think I look horrible in!! and i just keep worrying that on our actual wedding day, i won’t be happy with the pictures either and i find myself thinking ‘what’s the point of getting all dressed up and wearing an expensive gown when i might just look bad after all?’
anyway, sorry this is more camraderie than encouragement, but maybe it will help to know that not everyone LOVES looking at themselves in engagement pics.
you probably look better than you think though. . .one thing i have been trying to do is see the pics through my fiancee’s eyes, instead of my own hypercritical ones. . . also remember that engagement pics are a trial run, i’m sure there are angles/etc that now your photographer knows not to use.
and at the end of the day. . .it is really about the love and partnership between you and your man, not how good you guys look in a picture. gotta remember that!
Post # 6
I don’t know if this will help but:
Chances are you DO look better in person than you do in the pictures. Everyone tends to look a little heavier in pictures and you’re seeing yourself from angles you don’t normally see yourself.
That said, you are probably being hypercritical of yourself. And I know it sounds a little strange, but considering the pictures are over and done with, one thing you can do is go back and look at them and WILL yourself to say something positive about them and yourself in them–OUT LOUD–and then the second you hear your little voice becoming critical, you have to replace that thought with a positive one. It’s a psychological exercise that sounds crazy but it works.
In regards to the photog’s blog, I think it’s fine to ask him/her to remove certain pictures–not on the basis that you think you look ugly in them, but on the basis of feeling uncomfortable about their content. So if you think the kiss is too sexual, then politely just say, “You know, I think it’s a great picture, but my dad/mom/grandmother is going to have a hard time with it” and ask if a different shot can be substituted. I’m a teacher and there are shots the photog got of me getting ready with just a bra on–they’re not sexual, but I was quick to tell her not to put them on her blog just because you can’t be too careful when you have students! She understood completely.
Post # 7
awww you ladies are the best! It was nice to come back from lunch to nice words 🙂 I am glad I am not the only one…makes me feel better.
Post # 8
I was hyper critical of how I looked in ours, too. What helped me was seeing that this one where I had horrible double chins, R was looking at me with complete love. How can I hate a picture like that?
Anyway, look at it this way – if it really does have to do with angling and how comfortable you were with your photographer, it would be a huge help to you guys to look into a new photographer. Maybe s/he would even throw in a new set of engagement photos.
Post # 9
I’d ask your photog if s/he’s mind taking them down. I think photogs assume you want them up there– I want mine up! lol. So it is at least worth asking 🙂
Post # 10
@lilyfaith: Just to prove the point about other people seeing photos differently- I loved yours! You looked so cute and happy and shiny!
Post # 11
I had a problem looking at myself initially. We are much more critical of ourselves than others are, and it’s especially true in photos. Everything looks reversed from how we see it in the mirror, which is already disconcerting, plus being frozen in one position from one angle doesn’t help.
After I got used to seeing the pictures, I started to be happier with how I looked in the ones I had initially thought made me look weird. Taking really quick glances helps – so quick you don’t have time to start fault-spotting. It’s hard to divorce “oh, hey, cute picture” from our own insecurities about ourselves.
As far as the ones that really make you uncomfortable go, I agree that you should ask if she doesn’t mind taking them down. I ended up LOVING the one picture that I allowed our photographer to take of us kissing (I was so resistant the entire session!) but I’m still glad that it isn’t up on her blog.
Post # 12
I agree – ask the photographer if they’d take a few down for personal reasons. Don’t worry about sending out the link to anyone. Maybe only give it out if people come to you and ask. Give yourself some credit – I’m sure they look fine! As long as you were happy and smiling your beauty will show!
I would try not to worry also about the kissing photos. It’s expected that once your engaged it’s okay that your parents know you kiss you FI! They don’t have to frame those pics but don’t worry about hiding them. They already know you kiss, that’s probably not a secret! Be prepared for lots of kissing photos at your wedding! Mentally prepare yourselves to have the cameras on you all day on your wedding. Know that not all the shots turn out but that there will be amazing photos!
Post # 13
I would ask the photographer to take them down if you’re not comfortable with it. That being said, I had the same reaction to our e-pics, but it’s true that time and distance helps; I hated them at first and thought I looked disgusting, but now I love them. We’re our own worst critics.
Post # 14
@teaadntoast: thank you. 🙂 That means a lot to me.
To the OP – see? others aren’t nearly as critical of you as you are. BUT what is important is how you feel, and IMO it’s perfectly okay to ask that some of them be taken down.
Post # 15
If you are really dissatisfied with the pictures, are you sure you want this photographer doing your wedding? Maybe you should consider the possibility of switching. You can always do another photo shoot with your man of you two in the park, but you only get one shot at wedding photos…
Post # 16
Honestly that is my fear too. I hate that I am so self concious but I am and I know my photographer is amazing. That is why we chose them. But I am terrified they still wont be able to get pictures I am 100% in love with because of my own self image. Ugh… I feel your pain. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am the only one who is this critical of myself and I see pictures that other people think looks horrible but I think looks amazing and if nothing else, that is what will happen with our pictures.