So I am lost about whether I picked/should keep my MOH

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

I would go out of my way to speak with her and voice your concerns.  Maybe she would like to resign and doesn’t know how.  If she isn’t available to speak about I guess you have to weigh out your options.   I do feel you should do something soon before any ill feelings development.  

Post # 3
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

rbhs117:  Eek, this sounds like a tricky one. It seems like she’s not the most considerate friend, but that you do want to keep her in your life, which will require a certain amount of delicacy.

One thing I had in mind as I was reading your post was that there’s a bit of a come down after your own wedding is over (like, after such an amazing day and time, it’s a little bit sad for it to be finished) so do you think it might be difficult for her to be thinking about someone elses wedding so soon after her own? The reason I mention this is because there’s a chance that with a little more time, things may actually change a little.

I agree with the PP – before you make any big decisions, your first port of call should be to do everything you can to have a catch up with her and talk honestly and openly about everything.

At the end of the day, a wedding is meant to be a happy time so if this is going to cause you distress, you need to change your bridal party. That said, if you do make a change, there is quite a high chance that your friendship will not recover.

Try to get in touch again, maybe give it a bit more time, then think very carefully about what’s most important to you. Wishing you the very best of luck!

Post # 6
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

rbhs117:  Yeah, I definitely hear what you are saying. I would take it one step at a time, since your wedding isn’t super close. I know it’s nice to get these things sorted as quickly as possible when they are weighing on you, but I think this is a situation where it’s important to keep an open mind until you’ve had a heart to heart with her.

If you’re able to set up a face to face meeting with her sometime over lunch or coffee (easier said than done sometimes, I know!), hopefully you will be able to just say to her that you’re getting excited about your own wedding and your girls are getting involved with planning the activities etc. See how she responds – if she’s friendly and things seem good, maybe just leave it there and see how the next month etc. goes. Alternatively, if it feels lukewarm, maybe just ask her out right (in a nice way, it doesn’t have to be a really big deal) if given she’s just finished with all of her own planning, if she would prefer to be a BM without MOH duties, or even attend as a guest. This is all, of course, assuming that if she is friendly and responsive, that you think you can get past what happened when you were in her wedding, and would still like to have her be a part of yours.

I guess the one thing I’m really thinking here is that I think it is worth giving her a bit more time and another chance to get involved, as she may not even realise there is an issue for you at this stage. Perhaps talking to your therapist about how you can express your feelings to her in a constructive way might give you the added confidence to have the talk without feeling guilty about any of it? I know I sometimes find it difficult to select the best words to represent what I’m trying to say, so it can be helpful to have a game plan. 

Good luck!!

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors