Post # 1
We broke up over 3 and a half years ago for a wide variety of reasons, but it was a bad, bitter, breakup. This year, he decided that he was going to come to my university. He texted me, still not sure how he got my NEW number, and was like, “hey wanna hang out alone”, and FI answered it and was like “NO.” and then he was like, “c’mon, we need to catch up” then FI was like “This is Chad. No. I don’t want her hanging out with you. Its not a good idea” then ex was like “whatever”, we will see what happens. Now i literally see him every day. and he scares me. Logically, I shouldn’t be afraid, (im bigger than him, and FI can beat the sh*t out of him) but i think it has something to do with the emotional bullying i recieved with him. I just got out of a test, and walked down the hallway to go sit in a little nook and check WB and do homework, and he came out of his classroom (the one next door) and followed me. then walked outside. He hasn’t tried talking to me yet. If he does I think I will just run into the physics office (my FI’s major) and hide out with the professors. Or i will walk across the street to campus police and stay there. I do have to say, I feel safer in the physics office.
Its awful seeing him. I literally cannot breathe, i get nervous and shaky, and i have an anxiety attack. Every single time. do you have any advice on how I can get a handle on this? I’m a psych major, but every time I see him, everything I’ve learned goes out the window and all i can think is “dear god don’t come near me, don’t talk to me. stay away”. As I am writing all of this I am having an anxiety attack. I am literally tearing up.
Post # 3
I wish I did. I had to deal with the same with my ex. I ended up getting a protective order.
Post # 4
If you are afraid of his presence, you can contact your University’s safety or security department to let them know of your situation. They should be able to offer you some resources and discuss what options they have for keeping you safe on campus (escorting you to places if needed, issuing a no-contact agreement, etc). Every school is different, so just ask! You can also utilize the Dean of Students or Counseling Center for help– look for a department called “Student Affairs” and ask for help.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Go to campus police and file a report. At the very least they will be on notice in the future.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Most colleges take stalking serious because it is one of the more prevalent crimes on college campuses.
Post # 7
Save those text messages.
My sister had a similar problem and the text messages that she had saved were used as evidence when she filed to get a restraining order against him.
Post # 8
You need to speak with someone to help you take control of your life back. It’s absolutely shocking that he would be trying to follow you, but it sounds like it’s all being done in public places, and you can’t help that he goes to the same uni that you do. Your options to avoid him are all ugly— change schools, pick irregular class times– and to be honest, none of that is fair on you. He’s the jerk; you shouldn’t have to change your behavior because of him!
So I would first and foremost speak to a counsellor to learn the skills that will help you not panic when your paths cross. Even though you’re a psych major, a lot of psychologists have a really hard time applying their own training to themselves. So go find a good counsellor or psychologist.
Also take a self defense course; even if he never turns violent or gets close enough to you to do anything to you, just knowing that you know how to defend yourself is a huge resource! Check your local YMCA (bonus points for taking a proper boxing class as not only will you learn to defend yourself against an attacker, you’ll get into great shape in the process).
Make sure you keep your communication open with your fiance, so he remains on your side and never starts to doubt you. People get weird when they feel threatened and you do not need your fiance misunderstanding your situation!
Delete your facebook profile. It’s bad. No matter how private you try to make it, it’s never truly private, and if the two of you know a lot of the same people, it’s entirely too easy for your stalker to learn your movements from facebook.
Lastly, document everything. So far it doesn’t sound like you have enough to involve the cops, which is unfortunate, but if the time comes when the police need to be involved, you want to have all your evidence in one place.
Post # 9
@Bostongrl25: unfortunately, my phone auto deletes messages, so they were deleted about a month ago. I wish I would have thought to lock them.
Post # 10
@brandybelle: I’m really sorry to hear that you’re in this situation.
As women, we are typically taught from a really young age to always be polite and kind even when someone is harassing you. Don’t be afraid to make a huge scene if he’s coming after you/following you/talking to you. Draw attention to yourself when there are lots of other people around and he might just be shamed enough to leave you alone.
I’m not saying that you should go out of your way to embarass him, but don’t be afraid to yell and scream if he gets close to you.
Even if people will stare…so what? Nothing wrong with being the damsel in distress if it will call attention to the fact that ths guy is stalking you.
You don’t owe him any manners. Use all the resources that PP have mentioned and take control of the situation…don’t let him control you.
Post # 11
Get the university involved.
Post # 12
@brandybelle: ((HUGS)). I’ve been stalked before and it’s an utterly horrible feeling.
Contact someone on your campus with security and explain the situation. Stalking is illegal in most places. You can get a restraining order.
Please watch your back and do whatever you can to keep yourself safe. I hope and pray once he sees you’re very serious about doing whatever it takes to keep him away he’ll back off. Please don’t hesitate to call the police if you’re afraid. They understand situations like this.
My thoughts are with you . . .
Post # 13
@brandybelle: Has he threatened you physically or said anything at this point that makes you think he would physically hurt you besides asking to hang out? Did he have to relocate to attend the same university as you. Besides the one time that he followed you, maybe to harmlessly talk to you, has anything else like this happened? I would guess his text was more in response to your FI responding instead of you-most guys would come back with some macho response.
I ask these things because I was in an abusive relationship and stalked for over a year after it ended. the things you have listed are all pretty innocent appearing and could be completely coincidental,the little details are what changes it from just be uncomfortable to being stalking. If he has never done anything directly, maybe you could approach him in a public place and tell him it makes you uncomfortable seeing him all the time and you don’t want him to follow you or attempt to talk to you. After that have no contact with him, no eye contact, nothing and if need be report it to the campus police. At this point unless there is more to the story there isn’t a lot to do, but them having a record would be a good idea.
Post # 14
@Sunfire: I have no faith in restraining orders. I have had one fail already, and no one did anything about it.
@ieatunicorns: He did have to relocate, about 2 and a half hours away.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
@brandybelle: Report this to your school. Because there needs to be a paper trail of this, if anything worse should happen in the future.
Post # 16
To add, I majored in Psychology initially. Applying it to yourself is not going to be of any help. Although majoring in Psych did help me recognize things in myself, I’ll be darned if it did anything to solve issues! Haha. Getting help to deal with your anxiety is a good idea- along with getting the University involved, of course.