(Closed) So, I found SO’s box of pictures of his ex-wife…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@RenoRose: It weird being in love with someone who was married before. It’s weird thinking that I won’t be his first wife. When I don’t think about it, it doesn’t bother me.

Just rememebr that there is a reason they aren’t together and there is also a reason you found each other.

Things don’t always go as we plan – but that’s how I met the most amazing man.

As I type this, he farted on my leg. What can you do…

Post # 4
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It’s something the two of you definitely need to talk about before you move any further with your relationship, especially towards the ultimate commitment, marriage. Honestly, I don’t think it’s weird at all that you would be taken off guard to find this box. There shouldn’t be a box like this at this point in the game, in my opinion. Talk with him openly about the fact that it concerns you, and some couples counseling may be a good idea. 

Post # 5
Member
46161 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hello, you have pictures of your ex. Why do you think there should be different rules for him?

You didn’t “stumble” across these pictures. You likely knew very well that this box of stuff was his. Fools rush in where wise men fear to tread.

Being married to someone is much different than having an ex from a dating relationship.

It feels like you are breaking some rule, or trying to erase the past when you are sorting out mementos and thinking of throwing things away-especially of there are any children from the past relationship.

Recognize that you are the one with insecurities about your relationship and don’t project them on him.

Post # 8
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@RenoRose: Are we seeing the same guy?

My fiance was married to a super rich girl that he was crazy about. She went crazy on him from what I understand. This was years ago. They have no kids. She’s remarried and he hasn’t spoken to her in a very long time. She did some things to him that only the ugliest people could ever do. You’d have to be just rotten to the core.

But he loved her.

I’ve shown him a different side to love though. We’re not rich by any means. I’m struggling to keep my head above water with my business. He likes his job but I’m sure he’d like something better. His home is moderate and could use some loving and we can’t afford a new couch.

But we’re happy. I’m happy that we eat dinner at home and often cook together. I’m happy that we woke up Saturday morning and spent hours in silence, both on our computers, drinking coffee on the back porch.

There’s a reason they didn’t work out. My fiance said that what she did to him has made him realize things about himself and has made him a better man for me. If your man is anything like me, I learn from trial and error, not listening to advice or reading instructions. πŸ˜‰

Post # 9
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@julies1949: I respectfully disagree that OP is trying to erase his past. She never even mentioned throwing the photos away… I think it’s a really tough issue she is willing to work through and is coming to Weddingbee anonymously for some advice as to how to deal with it.

Regardless of whether we think he should have this box of pictures or not, it is something the two of you will need to deal with as your relationship moves forward. Like I mentioned before, being honest with him about how you feel and perhaps getting some couples counseling would likely really help you to deal with this issue.

Post # 10
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@julies1949: that was a little harsh

 

 

@RenoRose: I’m sorry you are upset, maybe you need to have a conversation with him, and then move on and do your best to get past this πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I was married before, and this will be my second (and last!) marriage. Just this last weekend I went back to my hometown and cleared out a few things from a storage unit, one of the things was my wedding album from my first marriage. My FI had never seen it. When we got home we sat down and went through it. Honestly, it felt like I was looking at someone elses wedding pictures. I don’t remotely feel like the person that was in love with that man anymore. I look at that girl and I think-“Gee, she’s pretty stupid. What was she thinking?” I can look at pics of my ex and not really feel anything, except maybe the overwhelming urge to roll my eyes. People change. I don’t hate my ex, I also don’t love him. The last time I saw him we had a friendly, somewhat impersonal chat and I know that we would probably be friendly to each other if we crossed paths again. I’m ok with that, and my fiance is ok with it, because he knows that he is where my heart is.

Post # 13
Member
46161 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@brideatbeach: you misinterpreted what I said. I didn’t say that the OP was trying to erase his past.

I was talking about someone who has been married having, at various times in their life, to go through their things and make choices about what to keep and what to throw away.

I do not go through boxes that belong to my SO, nor will I ever do so. His past is his past, as is mine. I am his present and his future, as is he to me.

 

Post # 15
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@julies1949: Harsh, but somewhat valid.

 

@ OP, My dad was married before, and he had a similar box. I think almost everyone I know who has been married before has similar boxes. But it doesn’t mean anything, and he never talked to her. My mom didn’t feel insecure about him and her until by chance we ran into her at a theme park and she kept trying to talk to my dad after all these years.

Anyway, I think you need to both sit down and talk it over. Let him know what you feel because you’re only going to drive yourself batty by keeping it bottled up. Coming on here and talking about it only lifts some of the burden you must be feeling. It’s best to be honest and have an open relationship.

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