- 3 years ago
We’ve been together six years, as of July first. I’ve been going through the crazy anticipation cycles for over a year now. He has clearly known I wanted to get married, feel like my clock is ticking etc. There have been the excuses (I need this promotion, you need a better job, you haven’t finished school yet, we haven’t lived together yet, my lease isn’t up yet, you’ve been to (fill in the blank) lately, etc.) There have been the “shit or get off the pot” fights and heated discussions. I’m close with my parent’s and they have seen me upset, and they even wanted to sit him down and ask “what gives?”
Well here is what happened:
Finally this last week I blind sided him. After a very nice weekend I sat down with him and said “I’m sick of our relationship being stagnent, I need my space for a few days, no seeing one another and no phone calls”, I did cave and text a few times just to make sure he was alive. I told him the point was to have some free, clear headed time to think about the status of our relationship, where it was going and if it should continue.
Last night we finally sat down, had a meal together and realized that we had really missed one another. We had both come to the conclusion that not only are we romantically attached, but we’re best friends, and not talking to your best friend for 4 days really sucks!
I also had a whole speech planned(developed over the break period) and I told him I needed to say this without any interruptions:
“I want to start planning our wedding. I already have a date in mind: (in september 2014)
If you agree to my date I’m willing to wait up until our one year anniversary to start to try to get pregnant.
I don’t mean to pressure you. I understand this is a major life changing decision, it is for me too. I’m here saying I want to share and spend the rest of my life with you. I’m saying that I can live with all your little quirks for the rest of our lives. I’m saying that I want you to be the father of my children and I want to share with you all the joys and fear I know children will bring. I just need to feel like you love me enough to accept me with all my faults as well. I need you to know that you can take me at my word when I say I am willing work on the things that still really bother you(within our relationship). But please accept that neither of us will ever be perfect. … Marriage is about compromise and I’m willing to work with you towards what is best for the both of us. Deciding to take these steps forward isn’t blindly accepting our relationship as it stands, it’s making the decision that we want to build our lives together and committing to doing whatever its going to take to stay together and make each other happy.
The one thing I refuse to budge on at this point is time-line. I deserve a decision. If you can’t go down this path with me I understand. But not giving me an answer soon robs me of time. Time I could be spending finding someone that does actually want to spend their life with me and time which as it passes reduces my ability to successfully conceive and carry the healthy children that I will need to feel I’ve had a full life.
I love you so much. I’ve given you six years of my life and believe me now when I say I don’t regret a single day.”
I had a good cry trying to get all that out. He was a bit shocked but totally got it. We had a good affectionate few minutes following my speech. After that we had a discussion about his time line, what he has been hoping would happen in the next few years(starting a buisness, buying property, trips and other things that may become financially slightly out of reach by getting married). He said he needs to think about it… I did say he could have a bit of time as it’s not an easy decision.
So there it is. I’ve laid out all my cards. If I know my SO, he’ll think about it and say yes, then again I could have just totally screwed myself. Either way a decision is coming soon (in the next week or 2). It’s not romantic but I don’t care, it was REAL and that is more true to the relationship than any kind of over the top proposal would ever be.
So do you Bees think this is gonna bite me in the butt? Should I have stayed in the crazy anticipation cycle? Am I in the wrong to put the pressure on and demand a Yes or No?