Post # 1
A little bit of a back-story. My FI and I have been together for almost 4 years. We bought our house 2 and 1/2 years ago and since that time we have been talking about getting married. Last summer he started saving for the ring and purchased it in February. Since than it has been sitting on the dresser in our bedroom, every once and awhile I open it and look at it. Last month we started talking about setting a wedding date for next year, since everything in our area books up about a year out and we wanted a September wedding. He told me to pick out a few venues to take a look at and get pricing from, which is exactly what I did.
On Sunday we had an appointment with one of the venues that we really loved. He handed me the ring box and said I could wear the engagement ring that day since we were doing wedding activities but that it wasn’t my proposal. We ended up loving the venue and we officially set a date for September 2014. Which I guess means we’re engaged!
Yesterday I went to leave for work and he asked if I was upset with him, to which I replied no why. He said I wasn’t wearing the ring, to be honest I didn’t even think of it. So I guess I’m engaged without the actually proposal which feels a little odd to be honest. He says he has something planned and he’s still going to ask me and jokes now that the date is set he doesn’t have to worry about me saying no so the pressure is off.
So here is the ring…
Post # 3
uughhh thats kind of sucky..
did you ever express to him that you wanted a “real” proposal? And how come you wore the ring (georgeous btw) before you were “engaged”?.. that might have sent him the wrong message..
I if i were you i would give him back the ring and tell him you dont want to see it again until he is ready to ask you properly..
(but thats just me.. i gave my ring back until he asked my dad.. You can bet he asked him the very same day!! lol)
Post # 4
@GonnaBeAFind: Did you want a proposal before all the planning? Or are you okay with the current arrangement?
If your post was to suggest that you wanted a proposal first (Which I couldn’t tell), then I would personally probably put the ring back in the box and tell him that you don’t feel comfortable wearing an engagement ring without being asked first.
But if you don’t mind, congrats on finding a venue and for waiting so patiently to be asked!
Post # 5
It’s a lovely ring! Congratulations!
I’m in the camp where we picked the ring together and I didn’t want a “real” proposal. I never wanted a sappy/emotional/cheesy proposals. We knew for a long time we wanted to get married. When the perfect ring came up, we ordered it. It was basically never a question on whether we were engaged or not.
A proposal lasts a few minutes… I am not sure why so many people place such importance on it. From your post I am not sure if you’re really disappointed or not.. you seem to be handling it well, anyway. It sounds like with him the intent to marry was always there, and to me that’s the important thing. A bit strange how he left the ring out in the open like that, but who knows. Sounds like it’s all resolved now though, which is good!
Post # 6
I’d personally ask to be asked. I don’t need fireworks and a photographer there to capture it, or even him bent on one knee, but I’d rather not be engaged by default.
Can you tell him you’d like a prosal, even if it’s nothing fancy
Post # 7
And congrats on an official date!
Post # 8
Congrats on having an official date and a beautiful ring.
Post # 9
He said he has a proposal planned and he’s still going through with it. It just feels a little odd telling people I’m engaged because everyone’s reaction is “how did he propose?” I never cared about a big proposal and I’ve told him that from day one, he was actually the one that insisted on a formal proposal. I told him he could ask in the middle of our kitchen while we’re in pj’s I didn’t care. I guess I just feel a little let down that after months of waiting and him having the ring and saying how the proposal had to be special etc. I’m a little disappointed. Than I feel guilty for being disappointed because I have a wonderful FI who is excited about marrying me to the point he wanted to set a date the minute we found a venue we both loved. I guess the advice I’m looking for is how do a respond to the questions of “how did he propose?” without going into a long explanation of how we just decided together we were going to get married.
Post # 10
@GonnaBeAFind: First off! Congrats!
Second off YAY DATE TWIN!
Post # 11
don’t worry. A bigger day is coming. If it is eating you out on the inside just let him know.
Post # 12
@GonnaBeAFind: FI never proposed to me. We had a conversation and made the mutual decision to get married. The previous sentance is my answer to how he proposed, which suprisingly did not get asked very much when we annouced our engagement. The more common question was ‘when is the wedding?’.
Post # 13
Hazard of the trade, I guess. You agreed to accept the ring and went through with all the business details of getting a venue and such. It does suck some of the romance out of it but it doesn’t mean your relationship is any less special! 🙂
Just tell people that there was no proposal. You guys just decided to get married and he got a ring. Who cares if it’s not the grandest story ever told. People will be ok.
Cheer up – at least now you have venue stress out of the way
Post # 14
I am still waiting on my proposal. I don’t need a 5 star dinner or fireworks. I am just happy to be with the man I love. I wouldve been slighly pissed if my guy was like here you can wear it but you can’t have it yet but men dont think congrats tho Your ring is amazing!!
Post # 15
Thanks everyone for the feedback, and the compliments on the ring.
@Eckle: That’s what I told most of my family and friends and they understood. We’ve been talking about getting married for awhile so it didn’t really come as a shock to anyone.
Post # 16
@GonnaBeAFind: you said: “I guess the advice I’m looking for is how do a respond to the questions of “how did he propose?” without going into a long explanation of how we just decided together we were going to get married.”
What’s wrong with that explanation? That’s what my fiance and I did! When people ask, “Did he propose?” I just say, “No, we just discussed getting married and then we picked out a ring together.” That’s a perfectly acceptable explanation.
You could also say that you agreed together that you’re going to get married, but that he is also planning a nice surprise to celebrate your engagement.
Congrats, and gorgeous ring btw!