- Miss Starlet
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: June 2009
I think we’re cancelling our wedding. I’m kind of sick to my stomach just thinking about it.
Here’s the deal. We’re already “secretly” married. We got married in June to take advantage of my Husbands health insurance and for the tax benefits, since I quit my full time job to spend more time with my daughters. Well, and the fact that my 8 year old, who is autistic, was kicked out of daycare, so I had to be home more. And that payoff has been amazing! I’d been doing the single mother thing for so long, I don’t think I stopped to breathe for a few years.
He also spent a huge chunk of money remodel his bachelor pad to accomodate myself and my two daughters. And the house is beautiful! I love my huge kitchen, and the decks, and the upstairs is completely brand spanking new, and I finished the wood trim and six panel doors myself. We are very proud of this home. The only problem? It’s not big enough for having any more kids,m and we have to consider the fact the my 8 year old will probably live with us well into adulthood, and she needs space to roam. My girls and I moved here in February.
So, there’s this big, huge, beautiful, old house in a really quiet area. We have both loved this house for a long time. My husband knows the man who owns it, and we know that the elctric, plumbing, roof, siding and windows are all pristine (rare for a house this old). Structurally, the house is in great shape. We have talked about this house for more than a year, we even call it our dream family home.
Yeah, the house is For Sale. I work in the Real Estate office that is listing this house, so I happen to know that there isn’t a whole lot of interest in this home when newer homes in more desirable neighborhoods are also dirt cheap (the neighborhood is perfect for us, though). My Husband frequently chats with the owner of the house. We know that we could get this house for a steal. We went and looked at it again the other day, and it really is such an amazing home. And with the housing market the way it is now, we realize that this is a once in a lifetime oppurtunity. Buying a house like like this at the peak of the market would have cost us so much more. And interest rates are still really good. This is a great investment, hands down.
The catch is, we have to put our current home on the market. Oh yeah, the sign is going up today. We won’t be making the profit on this house that we would if we waited a year or so to sell, but that’s the nature of the beast. So, the Husband wants to sink every extra penny we have into paying off any unneccesary debt, so we really start off strong and so that we can be flexible with taking a lower offer on our current house. Obvioysly, the sooner we get an offer on this house, the sooner we can buy our dream house at the bargain basement price. And his practicality is amazing to me, bc I am not a practical girl at all.
But my heart is breaking over not having the big wedding. I know that we can still have the small, intimate, casual thing. But, I have been planning this wedding for months now. I realize it sounds like I’m being a big baby, but I really wanted this. My first wedding was so silly and tossed together (my husband’s visa was expiring, so I married him to keep him in the country). I sacrificed having my dad and my brothers and sisters there. That marriage obviously didn’t work out!! Anyway, once I had my daughter, who has other chronic health problems, besides just her autism and hearing impairment, I have happily been making sacrifices for her and and my other daughter. I do this knowing I will be making thier lives better. I moved from Southern California and gave up an amazing career oppurtunity to live near my parents. Sacrifices are a huge part of being a parent, I know this.
But, I really wanted this one thing for me. I hate myself for being so selfish, but I am royally bummed. I wanted the big shebang. I wanted to be the prettiest girl in the room. I wanted the dress, and the flowers, and to see my babies in little flower girl dresses. Is it sad that I wanted this to be kind of a reward for everything that my husband and I do everyday? Our lives are so chaotic every day, taking care of the girls, and our jobs, and just maintaining.
And here’s the kicker. We could do all this, and still not get the house. We could very well sell this house, and then have someone make an offer on the dream house before we get to it. So, then we’d have no wedding and no dream house. This makes me really super nervous.
I wish we could do both, I really do. But, with my medical bills, and just the day to day cost of raising kids (one who literally eats two loaves of bread and a drawerful of fruit in one sitting), plus with me only making about a quarter of what I used to make, it is just not possible to take the chance.
I know we don’t have to have to have the big shebang, and that we could do something simple and easy when all this house business is said and done. It totally won’t be the same, but it won’t be a total bummer I just can’t help being sad about the wedding. It’s a sacrifice. It will be better for my family in the long run. I can’t help being sad. Ugh, maybe I just wasn’t meant to have the wedding and wear the dress and have the first dance and all that good stuff. It’s very bittersweet.
Would you have made the same decision?