So I was at a wedding yesterday and there were a few things… Am I crazy?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Where was your FI in all of this? Did he just sit back and let his family treat you like this? And how can they force him to eat at a certain table? Did they chain him down?

Post # 4
2264 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Courtneyashley:  I think you defintely feel justified in being upset. I know I would feel upset.

I think what irked me the most about all of this was the bridal party eating in a separate room. There are so many things wrong with this. First of all, it is incredibly rude to separate the WP from their SOs/guests. If someone in the WP brings  someone, they eat with that person too. (This is why many people think that head tables that exclude SOs and guests are incredibly rude.) This was also inappropriate because eating in a separate room from your guests is rude. For the bride and groom hosting guests, they should be eating with their guests!

It sounds like they might just be inconsiderate people 🙁

Have you talked to your FI about your feelings? I know I would definitely be hurt!

Post # 5
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think you are crazy, I would be seriously offended if that happened to me!

I think that your FI should have certainly spoken up on your behalf if you were not involved in anything despite other people being allowed to. There is a chance that the others were allowed to participate because they spoke up about it.

I just find the bridal party dining in a separate room is inappropriate. To me if the bride and groom will not eat in the main room with their guests that it is disrespectful to those who came and supported them. Again, your FI should’ve spoken up when others were allowed in and you were not. 

The part with the comment about how he was still single because he is still married may not have been a stab at your relationship. Some people have the mindset that unless you are married that you are single and technically available until marriage. Again I see it as pretty disrespectful towards you for her to push him to do it.

I think that this should not be ignored, both you and your FI should have an honest conversation about it with his family (without getting heated) and just bring up that you feel like you are no accepted in the family like the others are. 

Post # 6
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Where was your FI when all of this was happening to you? Seems like he should have been the one to stand up for you. 

Post # 7
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

That must have been really frustrating.  I can’t believe they made all the guests feel like second- class citizens by eating in a separate room!  I do think some of the blame is on your fiance fornot speaking up.  I know my dh would have made sure I was included in the photos,  and he would have eaten with me – what would they do,  tackle him on his way out of the special room? 

I think you should talk to him about your feelings that he didn’t stick up for you

Post # 9
152 posts
Blushing bee

I’m going to second everyone else where… Why in the world did your FI let this happen?!?!  Is this how he normally treats you?

Post # 11
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016


I agree with PPs. Your fiance should be standing up for you. He should not allow his family members to treat you this way.  He needs to spell it out for them that from now on the two of you are a package deal, and to see him- you must be included as well.

You aren’t crazy. It seems that they intentionally excluded you from “family” things. But he needs to make it clear that they cannot treat the woman he loves (AND IS GOING TO MARRY) that way.

Post # 13
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I still don’t understand…who are these people “forcing” them to eat separately? The bride and groom? Couldn’t he have just stood up and walked out to the room where you were eating?

Post # 14
42157 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We don’t know the culture of the family nor if any of this is the norm for their culture.

We do know however that they are treating you  much differently than the fiances of other family members or indeed the wedding party. Are you the same ethnic or cultural background as your FI? Is he very young?  What do you think is the reason they are treating you differently?

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