Post # 1
…it still doesn’t feel real.
We’ve been married for 4 days now and I still haven’t really noticed. I keep asking people when it will feel real. Everyone says “a few days before the wedding” then “the night before it will hit you” or “just as you are walking down the aisle it will all become real”. None of that happened. It all felt like a dream, and still does. I haven’t even changed my name on facebook yet (or anywhere else) because my married name doesn’t feel like me yet.
Maybe I have some problem with reality? I’m happy, but it seemed so anti climactic, as I kind of missed it all or something. Even getting back a pro-pic teaser, I look at it and think that it can’t possibly be us.
Has this happened to anyone else? When will I finally realise that I’m married?!
Post # 3
Hmmmm. I wish I knew!
Maybe once you have settled in and got everything changed and settled 🙂
Post # 4
Hmm, that’s kind of a tough one. DH and I didn’t live together before, so things changed completely for us. Maybe you should go ahead and change your name so things will feel a little different? You could even just have a cozy date night where you guys re-hash your favorite parts of the wedding? Sorry if it’s not super helpful advice, but I’m guessing talking about it more will make it seem more real!
Post # 5
@pohget: I had, and am still having the same reaction as you. I have changed my facebook name, but I have made no attempt to do so legally. It feels….um….I don’t know– almost like I’m lying about being married. I’ve spend almost 30 years being “single”, I guess it’s going to take some time getting used to.
Don’t get me wrong– I totally love my husband, and I can’t imagine being with anyone else, and I am thankful for him every day. We had an amazing time at our wedding, but it just seemed like a party. A big, giant, fun party. We had only been living with eachother for 2 months before we got married, so it’s not like we really had an established routine or anything– yet I still felt like everything was the way it always was. I guess that’s just fine, because nothing was wrong with our relationship. 🙂
Honestly, the engagement was better than the wedding for me. Having him propose just solidified our importance to eachother. The wedding just reaffirmed that— having that initial proclamation of him wanting to spend his life with me was the game changer in my opinion.
Post # 6
Yeah, there wasnt really fireworks screaming at me that we were married now. We lived together in the house we bought for a year already so daily life didnt really change. Its still a little odd hearing him refer to me as his wife, or calling him my husband. In a way, I’m glad theres no crazy change to how we are… no change is better than sudden new behavior or expectation.
Post # 7
@pinkshoes: I agree with that way you put it 100%. We were in the same situation, living together before so it wasn’t all of a sudden. Sometimes it’s still weird saying my husband and we’ve been married 2 years!
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia
Congratulations! I feel you on the anti-climactic thing – but it’ll just hit you …. eventually. And when it does, it’s a funny feeling. Awesome, weird, surreal, sort of scary, but really just.. awesome.
Post # 9
I think leading up to your marriage you think there might be some big noticeable change and there isn’t one thing that happens at once. It’s just little things over time. Maybe it’s that the weight of an argument feels different than it did before. Maybe it’s that when you talk about kids it’s your real not so far off future you are talking about and you get more giddy about it than ever before. Maybe it’s that you feel more like a team than you ever imagined you would. You’ll notice the moments and I’m sure there are more and more moments throughout our lives that will make these feelings even stronger. Like a PP said, I’m glad there isn’t some big dramatic change because then it would feel weird!
Post # 10
I was married in July and it still feels like a dream. Nothing changed, but the wedding felt like a dream when I think about it. I’m also starting to feel like July was a LONG time ago wth??
Post # 11
My wedding is in a little over a month and it’s starting to feel real now. It’s like everything is done for the wedding, we’re starting to set up our new house and move into it…. I kinda feel like I’m married.
Maybe it’s a bit like after your birthday you don’t immediately feel “27” anymore, you still feel like you’re “26” and you keep saying the wrong age and then one day you say the correct age.
Post # 12
I will be honest with you, It still hasn’t FULLY hit me and we have been married almost 4 months. But reality did set in a little more when I received our pictures!
Post # 13
I feel similar! It’s such a strange feeling…my life is the same exact way it was, but my name is different. And I am thinking back on my memories of last Saturday and I can’t believe it’s already gone. I think it’s a little bit of not wanting to let THAT go….all of our family and friends came, we celebrated, and they left. I think it’s kind of sad for it all to be over and then it’s all done and now nothing “feels” different yet!
I actually have changed my name already though — SS and drivers liceense and Facebook 🙂 And it still is odd. Every time I’ve had to sign my name I keep forgetting to do my new one, even though I’m so excited to! Ahh!
Post # 14
It never hit me all at once. The wedding was magical, but felt like an alternate reality and not real. I changed my name on facebook right away, to get myself into the habit. But for me it happens all the time, where I’m just like, oh wow we’re married. A couple weeks ago, we saw my family for the first time since the wedding, and my husband was on the phone and said something about “My wife has next weekend off, so that might work.” And my sister was like “whoa, you’re someone’s wife.”
It’s just all these little moments, and then a couple months in, you look around and realize you’re used to it, you no longer stumble over calling him your “husband,” and it doesn’t feel like this make-believe thing anymore. At least that’s how it happened for me.
Post # 15
The first time I had to use my married name in a doctor’s office, it hit me (I felt married already, but hearing my new name come out of my own mouth was surprisingly cool).
Post # 16
Thanks so much everyone!
I’m so glad it’s not just me! Everyone I have talked to has talked about a bit hit of realisation, but it certainly hasn’t happened to me.
We’ve been together for over 8 years and have lived together for all but a couple of months of that, so I didn’t expect things so change dramatically. But I did think that I could say I’m married without feeling like I’m lying!
We are still staying in the house where we stayed before the wedding, and got ready on the wedding day. We can look out the back door straight at the spot where we got married. It still doesn’t seem real. Here is our ceremony spot from the back door at sunset yesterday.
I thought I’d be really sentimental about all my wedding stuff, like my bouquet. But it’s sitting upside-down in a box, dying slowly. I’m finding it hard to believe that the wedding is OVER, gone forever. Lots of little things didn’t go to plan and it’s frustrating to know that I don’t have a chance to make them work properly. Especially when I barely even noticed the wedding was happening at all.
Maybe when we get more photos and video back it will feel more real.