So I'm not inviting my sister's husband to the wedding….

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think it’s going to be that simple. He’s going to know you aren’t inviting him and it could make him take it out on her. That would make me nervous.

Post # 3
Member
7406 posts
Busy Beekeeper

MrsPierce2014:  This exactly. The only person this is going to really hurt is your sister. I for one could never ever put my sister in a situation like this and I have lived through supporting a sister until she leaves a douchebag ex.

Post # 4
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I don’t think this will end well either way. Either you invite him and he whines about something…but that won’t be your issues unless he is making a scene. Or you don’t invite him, and that causes more tension in their personal lives… either way it will be a mess. Just my opinion. Good luck OP.

Post # 6
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Don’t do it! The dude sounds like a giant jerk wad and I bet your sister wouldn’t be able to make it. I get that you want to throw ettiquette to the wind, but seriously, you can’t invite someone and not their spouse. If it means a lot to have your sister there, you have to have your terrible bro in law, too. If he really is so crappy to her, I would worry about the fall out she might have to deal with. For your sisters sake, you’re better off inviting them both.

Post # 7
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

coffeedrinker:  As much as it sucks, at the end of the day, the only person who is going to be hurt by this is your sister. You are putting her in a horrible situation. 

If you really want your sister there, I would put the issues you have with your BIL aside. Because just reading this makes me think that he is definitely going to tell her to not go and try to brainwash her and tell her how you are so horrible for not inviting him, yada, yada, yada.

im sorry you have a horrible BIL, but personally, I vouldint imagine not having my sister at my wedding. And if I had to invite her horrible husband, I would

Post # 8
Member
6030 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

coffeedrinker:  he’s not holding your choices hostage. If you invite him, you’re choosing to make things as good as possible for your sister. Either way, it’s a choice. 

Post # 10
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you don’t care about your sister in her relationship, and say you don’t care about your relationship with her, I am not sure what advice people should be giving you. You’ve already made up your mind, you know the potential side effects already, so what do you want? People can’t tell you the consequences, you already know them. I doubt you will get any support on this issue.

Post # 11
Member
5241 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

coffeedrinker:  I hope this turns out how you hope it turns out.

Post # 13
Member
3547 posts
Sugar bee

coffeedrinker:  

If you don’t like your sister’s husband and hardly have a relationship with her, what does it matter if her husband is invited or not?  You said yourself you haven’t talked to her for 6 months, so clearly your relationship isn’t very close or strong otherwise you would be inviting her and having no issues on inviting him, douchebag or not. 

Post # 14
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Honestly, I would worry that your BIL might think this is something that you and your sister came up with and may accuse her of something such as not inviting him so she could go with another man or of her speaking ill of him to you and turning you against him and it could bring on a violent incident. I wouldn’t want that on my conscience.I would just invite him and, if he came, I’d just avoid him. There may not have been any violence before, but all it might take would be an incident like this to set one off. 

 

Post # 15
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m sorry, but no one should accept inviting violent individuals to their weddings. If your sister doesn’t come because he wasn’t invited, that’s her choice. But you don’t need to tolerate a violent individual just because your sister married him. Just explain to important people like your family and fiance this beforehand and make sure he’s off the list for the party. 

I would NEVER accept being hostage of someone’s elses violence. Your sister could leave him, she doesn’t for reasons most victims of abuse don’t. But it doesn’t mean you should approve or act as if nothing happened “for her own sake”. The fact that you know and that most people know is what is providing her with safety net. If he harms her just call the police and report domestic abuse in their households. The police will appear and they child services might too, and, well, that’s for their good, too. 

My fiance has an uncle that I absolutely loathe. He’s racist and sexist and pretty much abusive. He doesn’t beat his wife, but he abuses his daughters emotionally. I know I don’t want him there. And I know that if he’s ivited, his daughter won’t appear, and I want to invite her and her boyfriend (he’s black). I would love to invite my fiance’s aunt but still am unsure how to solve it. But I know that I don’t want certain individuals on my wedding. 

There’s a different in someone being a douchebag or mean person, and there’s a difference in someone being abusive/racist/sexist/violent/aggresive/with drinking problem/etc. 

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